Stop Playing In My Face

Closure gets talked about like it’s the final step to moving on, but in this episode of The Heavyweight Collective, the conversation challenges whether it really works that way. What starts as a light catch-up quickly turns into a deeper breakdown of what people are actually looking for when they say they need closure.

The discussion explores the difference between wanting understanding and wanting validation, and how that plays out differently in friendships versus romantic relationships. Sometimes it’s not about ending the person—it’s about ending the situation so it doesn’t continue to affect everything else in your life.

From there, the conversation gets real about boundaries, seasonal relationships, and how disrespect can be the clearest form of closure you’ll ever receive. It also touches on the uncomfortable truth that closure can sometimes be used as a way to hold on, manipulate, or reopen doors that should stay closed.

The episode closes with a deeper look at apologies—what they mean, when they matter, and when they don’t. If you’ve ever struggled to move on without answers, this conversation gives you a new perspective on what closure really is.

 Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
 Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

Transcript

Cold Open And Roll Call

SPEAKER_08 0:00

You ready, Sean? Okay. What the fuck you about to talk about? We talking about what you wanted to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Oh, we are? Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 0:09

Upper room. Not the upper room. Shron, you know, Shron sent this message to my we should do an episode about closure. And I said, go ahead, nigga, do it. She was like, Well, I don't want to host it, but I feel like that's how I sounded on the text message? I don't want to house it, but you know. Matter of fact, I'm gonna read the text message to y'all and her voice. Let me find a text message. And all this shit's gonna be on the episode, son.

SPEAKER_07 0:40

Episode on closure. It's needed in is it needed in friendships and relationships?

SPEAKER_08 0:46

This is not me saying I'm a host at LOL. I heard on the radio this morning, I thought it was a good subject.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

That's how I forgot. Do I code switch like that? Because those are two different things. Yes, you.

SPEAKER_08 1:03

You're like, guys, okay, okay. Look. Sometimes you just gotta get through it.

SPEAKER_05 1:12

You just gotta get through it.

SPEAKER_08 1:14

But also, but also, also, you gotta let these niggas know. You gotta let these real shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:27

This is episode 239 of the Highway Collective.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

I'm quit. This is my last episode.

SPEAKER_07 1:34

I'm your host today, Mosharon. I'm here with this lady and these two guys. Go ahead and state your names.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

I'm the real Charon. I don't know who he thought he was.

SPEAKER_07 1:49

I'm Mosharon.

SPEAKER_08 1:50

Go ahead. What's your name? Yep. I'm letting these niggas know. Letting it. Because you know, when I was in my sunroom and the the breeze had like went through my hair. I'm just here. That's my name.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

I'm Ray Tronomus Prime.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Ray Tronomus Prime? I hate it.

SPEAKER_08 2:10

Andy, I want you to know that every time I see your name on Facebook, I'll start crying laughing. The De La Ghetto.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Oh, it is.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

Yeah, De La Ghetto.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

What is that?

SPEAKER_03 2:21

That's from uh Fresh Prince.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Oh, okay. I remember you said that.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

Yeah, Rafael De La Ghetto.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

I dare remember that.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

The fucking fake uh poet that Will came up with. He had Jeffrey uh pretend to be. Hannons to the left.

SPEAKER_08 2:36

Hannons to the right.

unknown 2:40

All right.

SPEAKER_08 2:44

Yeah. They all around us. You see, you gotta do with the hair too. They all around us.

SPEAKER_05 2:49

You gotta do the hair.

SPEAKER_06 2:52

We gotta hit somebody too. I'm not gonna hit nobody.

Life Updates And Burrito Hustles

SPEAKER_01 2:57

You gotta hit somebody.

SPEAKER_08 2:58

How was y'all weeks? How was y'all weeks? What's going on? Chill. Chill? Very chill. Bruno. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

We got a new branch to Nickette's catering.

SPEAKER_08 3:06

Oh. Words.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

My kids selling burritos at school.

SPEAKER_08 3:10

Oh, that's what's up. Is this for a fundraiser or are they just getting money?

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Maya's fundraising for Maya. Um, yeah, it was dope. We I made the um, I make at home all the time. We call it Chipotle. I call it Chipotle.

SPEAKER_08 3:26

It's like it's because it's shitty or charan.

SPEAKER_06 3:29

Uh uh. You might want to rethink the I hate it.

SPEAKER_08 3:45

I'm gonna say we look, we just opt us matters. Just say shit pot lay.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

I didn't say shit. You said you said shit pot lay, right? Okay, so I it stop. I made the jumping.

SPEAKER_06 4:01

Be like, am I tripping? Or do these niggas dislike it?

SPEAKER_08 4:07

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got you guys. Because I know, like the way I said it, I may have been a little out of pocket. But these niggas know who I am.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And I do not switch up my life that much in conversation. Oh shit. I'm very I'm I'm layered. Anyway, uh, I made the Chipotle chicken and the cilantro lime rice. And so she made burritos. The first day I made the burritos completely. Um, the second day I said no, you're gonna have to do some stuff. So I taught her how to do the marinade. She ended up actually doing everything because that was the day my back was really messed up. And when I tell you that they was in the kitchen, like never again, they was like, it's been three hours. Like they even get money, yeah. They was like, why do you cook?

SPEAKER_08 4:58

Because I gotta feed, because legally I gotta feed y'all niggas. That's why. Yep, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

They they were very pissed at the because my other daughter actually, they they did like a little uh group effort. My other daughter made like these little rice crispy treat things.

SPEAKER_08 5:13

So you couldn't bring that in them?

SPEAKER_01 5:15

They sold out.

SPEAKER_06 5:16

That's what's up.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

And so before they left the house, like they was in the car on their way to school and they posted on their story before they they was selling the burritos before they even got to school. So she ended up doing three days uh of the burritos, and we could I told her we could do like two to three days a week. That's the little hustle, a little added. How much they go to? I ain't gonna money. She said nothing. She gave me 20. Okay, so the first batch, she gave me$20.

SPEAKER_06 5:42

That's the aluminum foil.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Yeah. And then the second batch, I didn't get no money from her.

SPEAKER_06 5:49

Sounds like they did more of the cooking on the second one.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

The second one, she did the work, and I made her do her re-up. So when she bought her stuff from her first day's money, I made her buy her stuff, but then you know, kids is dumb. I told her to get the chicken from Walmart. She went to Stater Brothers, and it was a big difference in the price. So, you know, she's she's learning. I'm using this as a tool.

SPEAKER_08 6:10

I like her better because she gets better quality ingredients.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

No, hey, it was funny though, because uh they came in the house with a damn bag of shredded cheese. And I was like, ew. Like, tell them kids that you made them burritos, because I do not use shredded cheese. I great my and then midway through the burritos, I was on the phone. My cousin Lou was like, These burritos ain't gonna have no love to them. I'm like, These burritos gonna taste like frustration.

SPEAKER_08 6:36

This nigga said the burritos gonna taste like frustration.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Because the kids was irritated. I told you they was in the kitchen, man.

SPEAKER_08 6:43

Kevin's still cooked with love. I don't cook with it. Kevin's still he's still tripping off about the shredded cheese part.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

I don't buy bag shredded cheese. Why? Why? Why? What you tripping about? I don't shredded cheese. I just shredded cheese. You know what I meant. I don't buy that bag and with the saw or the sawdust all in there.

SPEAKER_08 7:06

Okay. Mick Fly Your Week, because she she she giving us the rundown of her year.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Y'all asked about the burritos. It's already hot. Your summer body, he getting your summer body right? Right?

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Yeah. Just uh chilling. So that's the best I can say. Uh just chilling, just trying to get through to the summertime so I can actually start a vacation.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Ooh, you have a vacation planned?

SPEAKER_03 7:37

Or you mean just off.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

You're not going to work?

SPEAKER_08 7:40

No.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

That's tight.

SPEAKER_08 7:41

Yeah. Um, ain't that the point of being on vacation?

SPEAKER_01 7:43

For how long?

SPEAKER_08 7:44

A week. Just not being at work. Who goes to work on vacation?

SPEAKER_01 7:49

No, you know what I mean. I just shut up.

SPEAKER_08 7:51

Oh, just one day a week. Kevin?

SPEAKER_06 7:55

Good. My week was good. Uh Bruno Mars. We went to see him. He's good. Oh. He's this.

SPEAKER_08 7:59

Did anybody throw sucks, but he's he's that it is terrible. Did anybody throw paintings up there?

SPEAKER_06 8:05

Yeah. Isn't he gay? Not really. He's not gay. No, he's just he's just married, I thought. What about a bag of coat? He had his own.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

He does cook?

SPEAKER_06 8:12

He had his own. He was hoo. He does coke.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

I wouldn't think that he's this.

SPEAKER_06 8:17

Really?

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Coke don't.

SPEAKER_06 8:18

Go watch the Grammys. He looked like he looked like he was just two seconds away from.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Have y'all ever seen that old? Oh my gosh. That's it's an old video of Bobby Brown dancing on stage and the coke fell out of his out of his pocket. Y'all never seen that? I'm surprised. The nigga was dancing and he like did a little dip. You gotta pick this Coke back up.

SPEAKER_07 8:40

That's money, nigga. I ain't gonna let that money on the ground.

SPEAKER_08 8:43

I'm not gonna let that money be on the ground.

SPEAKER_07 8:45

Uh my week was good, man. Just uh tired.

SPEAKER_08 8:48

Just always fucking tired.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Just always tired.

SPEAKER_08 8:51

Always tired. I didn't make no burritos and I didn't go to no concerts. You may coke? That's a Kinect, man.

SPEAKER_06 8:58

Bobby Brown's Kinect. Hell yeah. That nigga's been in business for a long time.

SPEAKER_08 9:02

Ask what question you do coke? Do I do Coke? Did you? Coke Zero. Like cocaine? No. Coke Zero. And the the red, the red, the red, uh, red can. Coke zero. They put that in there too.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

You see the dad joke like at the drive-thru, like, oh, can I get a Pepsi? And they're like, we only have Coke. He's like, in that case, can I get a gram?

SPEAKER_08 9:30

I'm gonna use that shit.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

I think that's hilarious.

What Closure Really Means

SPEAKER_08 9:33

I'm gonna use that shit. You might get the wrong person. Yeah. Yeah. Since uh since Sharon wanted to talk about closure, I don't know what door she's trying to close.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

I heard it on uh big boy in the neighborhood this that morning.

SPEAKER_08 9:48

I don't know what door she's trying to close. So we're gonna cultivate this whole episode about closure and why Sharon needs it, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

I don't need any closure.

SPEAKER_08 9:58

So I'm gonna just go ahead and read this to y'all. Y'all tell me what y'all think here. Um, do we actually need cold closure or are we just struggling to accept what has already ended? Because a lot of people are looking for closure. I'm sorry, a lot of people aren't looking for closure. They're looking for validation. They're looking for one more conversation or one more chance to understand, or maybe one more chance to change the outcome. Is it necessary or is it something we need to learn to how to create our own closure for ourselves?

SPEAKER_06 10:30

I think closure is like forgiveness. Is it? Ultimately.

SPEAKER_08 10:36

So you tell me what closure means to you, Kevin. So just forgiveness?

SPEAKER_06 10:40

No, no, it's like it's for yourself. It's not for like because forgiveness ain't for another person. You don't forgive somebody because it's for them, it's for yourself. Uh closure is just turning the page almost. Like turning the page. Closing the page. Okay. Not necessarily.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

I'm just kidding. Oh, um, I don't I don't think closures need it. Okay. Overall.

SPEAKER_08 11:06

Um leave that book open, huh?

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Yeah. I mean, I think closure's for yourself, just like with forgiveness. Um, but you don't have to gather that closure or expect it from the other person for it to be closed. So but I do think that it gets a little muddy depending on uh the ending of whatever the situation looked like, what relationship. Um, but yeah, for the most part, I don't think that closure is needed. And I think that closure looks like what allow yourself to arrive at.

SPEAKER_08 11:39

Do you believe closure can be a crutch? If you if you feel you need it, you think it's a crutch?

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Uh it could be. I think that it it provides an opportunity for people to sometimes prolong. Um, when I was, like I said, I heard it on the radio, and the guy was saying that he used to use closure, he would throw out there the ex-girlfriend, use say that he needed closure really to just see if he could meet up and hit again. That's manipulation. Very much so. But I'm telling you that that that's what you that's where I'm coming from.

SPEAKER_06 12:10

Closure doesn't even have to involve another person whatsoever. So it's like I feel like it's more of a necessary thing because Any looking up. No, it's because I'm gathering my thoughts. But it's uh it's more I feel like yes, it is necessary because it's how do you turn the next page? How do you move forward if you're still leaving something open-ended that doesn't need to be open-ended? It doesn't necessarily mean you're going back. It means you could be dwelling on that. And you're dwelling on something that you don't need to be dwelling on when you could be focused on something else. Close the page, close the change. You're saying you don't need it, you just create it for yourself. Yeah, but that's what it is. Yeah, it's not doesn't necessarily mean you gotta go talk to somebody to be like, this is this is where it's at.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

It's like this is where it's at. That's just where it's at. I could I think it could be a crutch if you don't allow yourself to move on. Like with it.

SPEAKER_05 13:06

If you don't close.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Yeah. If you whether your closure has to look like with the other person or if it's by yourself, if regardless of that, if you don't allow it to happen the way that in the crutch, for you to just harp on whatever that was, basic.

SPEAKER_08 13:22

What are your thoughts, Nick Fly?

SPEAKER_03 13:23

I feel like it's uh circumstantially based.

SPEAKER_08 13:26

Um, because it's give us some circumstances.

SPEAKER_03 13:29

So if it's a relationship that you're trying to keep, so whether it be a friendship or whatever, that closure, certain closures might be needed to under like to keep like a uh in good standing.

SPEAKER_08 13:42

But if like if it's something like Are you saying like to like move to sorry to cut you off, but like you mean like say like get getting like get certain closure on certain topics or certain uh situations to move to the next one? To move to the next one. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

But like if say it was some where you don't plan on seeing that person again or you guys aren't ever gonna talk again, then at that point the closure just might be, you just have an understanding with yourself about what it is and just like like the forgiveness part, just come to an understanding that this is what it is and leave it at that.

SPEAKER_08 14:10

So then I want to ask you the on on your first example, is that closure or is that just reconciliation so you guys so the relationship continue? Because in my mind, when I think of closure, I I I'm thinking I'm not gonna have any more interactions or meaningful interactions with you after post this.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

I only see closure because it could be just a situation where you're like, this is something that we haven't gotten an understanding on. Yeah. Like like when uh Sharon last episode was talking about with a friend and like like getting to that understanding of uh it was a disagreement, but like if you just kind of like like what I posted this week, where uh just acting like it never happened.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Oh, I hate that.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

You know what I'm saying? It's not the same as forgiveness or problems wrong. But what I'm saying is like it's it's just coming to an understanding, like we get closure on this particular problem or issue we're dealing with, so we can kind of move on to the next.

SPEAKER_08 15:00

Like so I like what you said there because what you you made it multi-level.

SPEAKER_05 15:04

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_08 15:05

So before you start talking, these two niggas made it very cut and dry.

SPEAKER_06 15:08

It's not, but no matter what, it's still necessary, right? Yeah, closure is a necessary thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

But I I oh sorry. No, go ahead.

SPEAKER_07 15:18

Go ahead, Sharon. This your shit. Talk your shit. This Sharon episode. Go ahead, Sharon. Don't laugh.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Anyway, I do like that you broke it down the way that you did because she finna big it back.

SPEAKER_08 15:36

Every time she says that shit, she's gonna big it back.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

What's wrong? I just don't like it here anymore.

SPEAKER_08 15:45

You're always welcome.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

I quit. This is my last episode. I'm gonna say that a couple more times.

SPEAKER_08 15:49

No, no, she's not.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Um no, I like that because you do sometimes need to gain closure of a situation, not necessarily closure of a relation. Um, and that I think is ahead of um because I've had situations with friendships or whatever, where I feel like if you don't really get closure from what the situation was, then you have people carry whatever their interpretation of was it, what of whatever their interpretation of it was, they will carry that into other situations as you go forward. Um, if that clarity wasn't provided during through the closure. So I think that but when it comes to people, I mean relationships.

SPEAKER_06 16:37

But I close against everything you just said, like because it all has to close. Like, yeah, it's closed.

SPEAKER_08 16:43

I think that goes back to what you were saying last episode when you said your friend had you effed up, but it was just a misunderstanding.

SPEAKER_06 16:49

And then you closed it.

SPEAKER_08 16:50

So when you after you stopped being dramatic, which was your words, not mine. Okay, well, after you stopped being dramatic and you got the understanding. So, and and to McFly's example, you did you got closure on that situation.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 17:03

And then to Kevin's point, it was needed. Well, Kevin's.

SPEAKER_06 17:06

Yeah, but why you're saying is I like what he's saying in that because that's where it's necessary to have the other person involved, is when you're closing uh something with someone and where it's like, hey, we have to, if we want to move forward as a unit, yeah, we need to come together on this closure. Not like if it's a whole relationship, it's like yeah, if you're closing the relationship, then it's very different.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Okay, you can move on. I move on.

SPEAKER_06 17:33

Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_08 17:35

But yeah, I feel like you don't have to like I did that.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Layers.

SPEAKER_08 17:40

What?

SPEAKER_00 17:41

I love it. I love that.

SPEAKER_08 17:42

So I but I think that's in situations like what McVeigh was explaining about getting closer, closure on the situations, I think that's to McFly's point, I think that's when you have some type of emotional attachment to the person, like the close friend, whatever. Um to Sharon's example, it's more like unanswered questions. Like, I'm like, we need to figure this out when you so there's no misunderstanding.

SPEAKER_05 18:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 18:04

Right. Um and then the Kevin's part about if it's if you don't if you don't intend on ever having being involved with this person again, like there's no point in having closure.

SPEAKER_06 18:15

If it's you know I'm not necessarily saying that either, because there's times you just don't get to have that closure you think you you get. Like the whole situation I got going on. It's like Okay, where the fuck did that come from? That'll just one day you're here, the next day you're gone. And then you have things going on with that where it's like, all right, so I don't get to necessarily, as they say, go pay respects. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 18:40

A lot of people take that as their closure. But that's the but you just added- You know what I mean. You just added another layer to that.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

I get it. I agree.

SPEAKER_08 18:46

But that's you added another situational layer to that. Because I I was talking more towards, I'm not talking about the situation you're dealing with in particular, but I'm saying like, I'm saying you're no longer dealing with someone that is still here.

SPEAKER_06 18:58

Yeah, but then there's other people that are still here within that. Whereas like you get to, you're losing a different type of closure, but it's like, what do I do in that scenario? Do I go after these people and be a certain way, or do you just Absolutely, that's that's the pettiness.

SPEAKER_08 19:16

You know, I'm gonna tell you to be petty every time. Or do you take it on the chin and you go? No, no, pause. Do you know what I mean? You know, I'm gonna tell you to be petty every time. Okay, so if they've already showed you who they are, literally. What more needs to be explained?

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Period. You said it. That's the answer, right? So at what point that's the answer.

SPEAKER_08 19:38

Not not gonna not using Kevin's example, because obviously he can't have another conversation with the person he's referring to. At what point do you cease communication when you just understand that this ain't an understanding, they just don't give a fuck. So at what point did you like, you know what? Your your misunderstanding or your lack of wanting to understand me is enough for me to just close the door.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

They said at what point? Yeah, that's I that's it after the first attempt. Like if I try once and I see where it goes, I'm like, okay, that's all I needed to see. That's all I need. That that's just verifies that I can't. There's no like because I I always live by the belief some people are just committed to misunderstanding. So that if they're committed to misunderstanding, you can't really have that conversation of saying, Well, I'm trying to get to an understanding or a closure point. But if you're already on this and you're like, oh, you just you just ready to take it there. It's just you can decide to keep that conversation going and just give yourself a headache, or you can decide to say, I'm this is where I exit.

SPEAKER_08 20:41

Now, do you do you take into consideration maybe their their mental state of where they're at in the moment?

SPEAKER_03 20:47

I take into consideration that we all deal with shit and you have to be able to understand and balance. Like I I can give you a certain amount of grace of understanding you're going through something, but at the same token, if we're all going through something, we have to have to have enough of an understanding to have enough respect uh in the situation to say, well, I can't because I'm going through some shit and my mental's fucked up, that I gotta take that out on you. Because if that person didn't have nothing to do with where your mental state is, you kind of gotta get to give the understanding, like I can't take the, like I can't lash out at somebody for what I'm going through. You know what I'm saying? Like, so it's like a certain amount of grace on both parts, I guess.

SPEAKER_08 21:23

So right? Thoughts?

unknown 21:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 21:26

Opinion?

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Yeah. I just think that when I like how you said, I mean, basically, when somebody shows you who they are, so when you take like the two examples of are you talking about it such being a situation, or you're talking about the relationship, I feel like when somebody shows you who they are in a relationship and you arrive at the point where there's an ending to that relationship, that's it. There is there's kind of no closure that um but the other part is if it's a situation. And that person, it's kind of difficult. It's like what you said, like you can try. If the person is just not trying to understand, then yeah, you do kind of like got a step, take a step back. I don't necessarily know if that means that that's the end of that relationship, but that may start the chain of events. You know what I mean? Because more than likely you're gonna have another. And like I said, if there was no closure from whatever situation, it's it's more than likely that that's going to continue. That same misunderstanding will occur again, or that same mindset is going to carry into other misunderstandings because you guys did not provide yourselves with the closure for that. So I just think that you'll hold it the same way that they may hold something negative. I think that that's human nature. You kind of end up holding that if you guys don't arrive at some type of closure for it.

SPEAKER_08 22:52

I like what you said, but you you starting to step on some of my talking parts.

SPEAKER_06 22:56

I don't know, it's very nuanced. Depends on the relationship, depends on uh as you see. You wanna you wanna fill in some of that nuance? Yeah, it's a lot of different things that are variables. A lot of variables. So life ain't simple. No, people change too. That's some people. But people change. We can't be so jaded to think people can't. We've all changed. True. If we didn't get the grace we deserved at some point or somebody granted us, where would we be? So I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 23:27

It's very so like I said, Sharon kind of she kind of stepped on some of my talking points here. Because I was gonna ask about him. You stepped on a little bit. What's her topic? Right. You're right, it's my show.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

It's right. To be fair, I think that kind of happens when it's like uh they don't know what's coming. That's true. So I guess so. When I do that shit, yeah, it's like if they don't know what's coming, they say something like, God damn it, that was the next question.

Friendship Closure Versus Dating

SPEAKER_08 23:57

Like So Similar to what um Sharon was saying, sometimes the the closure in when it comes to uh friendships and in relationships, it could just be you have the misunderstanding and you just start to drift apart because behaviors are not changing. So um I want to know, like, do you guys uh think that people expect more closure more in romantic relationships than friendships, or do you think it's equal?

SPEAKER_01 24:24

I feel like I want closure. And I don't know, I really don't even know why.

SPEAKER_08 24:28

You said that in my head, I said, because you could have had a bad thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

I mean, I never not to say it like this, but I'm gonna say it like this. Like, I ain't never wanted a nigga back that I had. Like, or I know give me a new bitch by Tuesday. Um, or even let him come back.

SPEAKER_08 24:57

But I just feel like he's saying we don't recycle over here.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

I don't, and I think it's because it's like once you arrive at a certain point, but that's also I'll say this. I have I have only had two serious relationships in my 38th. That's it, right? I've had a lot of situationships or whatever you call that shit. Um, but two serious relationships. And when you arrive at the ending of something, it's the ending of it. Like I don't, I don't understand. And and a big thing for me is disrespect.

SPEAKER_05 25:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Like when people start to talk about their deal breakers and all that, like my deal breaker is disrespect. Now I know that that's a very large umbrella, but I know what I'm saying, the the the check boxes that's under that for me.

SPEAKER_08 25:48

Are you are you communicating this before or when it happens, or are you just kind of letting it dwell?

SPEAKER_01 25:52

Um, no, a lot of times you get a couple chances of it. Um, it's not like I meet you with, hey, do not disrespect me this way. Um, but a lot of them are obvious. You know what I mean? You a lot of them are you won't disrespect your, I mean, uh females. I won't even use like the title of mom, sister, whatever. You won't just disrespect any women in your life that you care for that way.

SPEAKER_08 26:17

Oh, you had to say that part because I what I'm saying, care for. I was like, list of long.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. I don't feel like I have to even convey that because there are things that obviously you're not gonna disrespect up or a woman that you care about um in those ways. So once that disrespect happens, it's a wrap. Like, because I don't tolerate the disrespect. I really, really don't. Um so I just think that in those situations, closure isn't needed because my closure is gathered from the fact that you crossed the line that whether I gave you a chance at it or you just knew it to be true because of how I hold myself. Like, you know what I mean? I I feel like I carry myself in such a way to where you should know how to how not to disrespect me. Um, so if you already crossed that line, then there's the closure because you know you it's really just a matter of am I gonna get, but I'm not. So there's the closure. In friendships, I think it's a little different because you're like, I don't know. It's it's different for me in friendships. I feel like with those, maybe because it gets a little bit more like it's more muddy, like it's not those hard-drawn lines of what that looks like.

SPEAKER_08 27:27

Let me ask you this. Do you do you do you uh subscribe to the notion or the fact or the belief that some friendships are season seasonal?

SPEAKER_01 27:34

I do, I do. Um, but I'm they I'm not loose at all with the title of friends at all. Like it takes a lot for you for me to arrive at we are friends.

SPEAKER_08 27:48

I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

So um, so with that being said, I think that relationships um I've never had a well, no, I will I have had friendships. Um, but it just takes a lot, you know? And so it's like once you kind of arrive at a certain or whether it keeps happening or it's grand enough for it to end it, with friendships, it kind of makes me like just kind of want to understand it because a lot of times friendships that I've had that may have ended, um, I feel like it just doesn't have as much clarity as what I was and I I agree.

SPEAKER_08 28:23

Friend uh relationships are seasonal. Uh even if even if you stay together, you just you have your good, you know, it's like a roller coaster. You know, you have you have your good your good months, your bad months, sometimes years, whatever. Yeah. But what's your what's your take and fly? You need the original again or say it again?

SPEAKER_03 28:37

Yeah. I was just sitting there listening to her talk and I was sitting there No, I was listening, I was absorbing.

SPEAKER_08 28:44

Oh. I was saying no mac and cheese. Um do you feel that we expect closure more in romantic relationships? Oh, yes, yes, first.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

Um I'll say, yeah. I I feel like the average person I I hear talk about closures usually relationships, but for me, I feel like I would expect it more from friendships more than ever romantic relationships. Because I feel like uh I think to your point, like anytime I've heard or even thought about closure in any other sense is to fuck one more time. I want to make sure I'm making the right decision. But other than that, it's the it's yeah, but hate niggas, bro.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Right. But thank you for solidifying that thought in my head.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

But friendship closure is more uh is it more important and um significant because you you want to know because shit, I've had most of the friends that I consider friends, I consider family. So it's a good point. So for like relationships, it literally could have just been the fling that you were in for however long, and it might have been good for the moment, but and and in hindsight it wasn't good for for you going forward as a person. So yeah, uh I would say uh it it should be friendships that should have more uh to me, weight and closure than the the the other. Just here.

SPEAKER_06 30:13

I don't I think I'm looking at it differently than you always are just as I said, like with closure, it feels like it's more the way it's being used is as if it's some sort of agreement that we come together on on why this happened. That shit don't that's not how it works, I feel like. I'm like, nigga, if we're not if it's not cracking working and ain't working, but it's just but you're gonna come to your own conclusion of what the closure is no matter what. So I'm like, that's why I'm always like the closure is from yourself anyway. So whether it's friendship or relationship or whatever it, you're gonna figure out what your closure is. So it's like no matter what, you're gonna have closure or you're gonna dwell on it and keep going on to that and keep focusing into that.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

So well, sometimes closure isn't the as defined as what you said, right? Because I have I wanna say this. Yeah, this is what we're here for. I can say it. Okay, so um closure doesn't mean that you came to a conclusion of what happened, right? Just to give a different thing.

SPEAKER_06 31:20

I guess that's just like moving on, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:23

So I was able to have closure from I guess um from like a like I said, it was like a just did quotes, you know, it's like from a you know no, I don't I hate talking about my stuff, it's weird. Um so I had like a situation ship, it lasted for a very long time. It was like some years. Um and we had Wait a minute, nigga.

SPEAKER_08 31:44

Wow You can't say situationship then say it lasted for some years.

SPEAKER_06 31:50

Playing house.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Yeah. No, we didn't live together and stuff, but we we we dealt with each other for a long time.

SPEAKER_08 31:58

You were together. That was a real that's a commitment, nigga.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

A couple years. Okay, and this is why I said I don't be wanting to talk about my shit.

SPEAKER_08 32:04

Oh, okay. No judgment, you're right. My bad.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Play us fuck up. Thank you. You know, play us fuck up. I I fuck clearly the situation ship was me fucking up for for years with somebody. That was very me.

SPEAKER_05 32:23

Like I I can't even look I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_06 32:30

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 32:36

I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

What did I do, y'all?

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Anywho, um, so yeah, we had a situation that lasted for some years or whatever. I was young, I was in my 20s.

SPEAKER_08 32:50

Nigga, put the bass back in your voice. Uh me soft now.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

It happened in my twenties, but I really did. We cared about each cared about each other, right? So um, I ended up running into the to him like last year. And we just ran into each other like very what is it called, randomly. And but the way we ran into each other, we were in an environment where we could like kind of talk for a little while, right? Like, I don't know, whatever. So we talked for a while. Um, and that felt like closure. Now it wasn't closure that I felt like I needed, it wasn't any type of discussion about how we ended or any of that, but it was more of just like a full circle of like, like, we still real cool. Like, you know what I mean? That season of us is far gone. It will never ever be a thing ever again.

SPEAKER_08 33:42

Nigga, you said you don't recycle.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Right. I mean, but I still care about him, like from another level of like now you're in like a longtime friend box. Because it's somebody that I've huh.

SPEAKER_06 33:53

Wouldn't that be a confirmation of how you felt?

SPEAKER_01 33:56

No, because I didn't know how, I didn't know how we came out of that. Like, I don't know if you're mad that whatever, like you know, I don't know if we run into each other, you're gonna be like this bitch. Like, I don't, I didn't know, I wasn't, I didn't think it was gonna be that. But that felt like a closure that didn't have to discuss.

SPEAKER_06 34:18

That's what I feel like closure is anyway, though. To me, that's what closure is. Yeah, but I mean you don't have to discuss the stuff. That's what I'm saying. Most people take closure as what we have to do. Yeah, like these are the things we have to do. And I'm like, I don't think that's what closure is. You know like that, which is more like when you run into somebody sometimes be like, you know what, that was dope.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Yeah, that that yeah, there we go. I couldn't find the language. Thank you, Kevin. That's exactly what I got from it. It was just like, damn, I I liked that. Like, you know what I mean? And we separate ways, it ain't like it didn't feel like oh, we should start hanging out. It was nothing like that. But it was really just like, okay, that was dope. Like, I was happy we got to do that.

SPEAKER_06 34:55

And to me, I feel like that's already there. You just kind of sometimes it takes a you didn't you didn't know because you weren't even in that involvement. We didn't get to be in the space. You would you would definitely close the book on this, like close the page, like we could. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Oh, I like that. But because I think you're right. I think that going back to what we were saying in the beginning, I think because probably both of us, I could speak for myself and say that because we already had our separate closures, it was now kind of like the confirmation of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 35:26

Good shit. He came in and he was like, oh, cool shit. I didn't he probably I don't know how it's going on. Let me go say hey.

SPEAKER_08 35:36

It was cool though.

SPEAKER_06 35:37

I mean, so you don't have to explain what's understood. Sometimes shit ain't understood, and it's understood to yourself. Yeah, that's true. And that's all that needs to be. That's true.

SPEAKER_08 35:46

So um, did you answer that, McPloy?

SPEAKER_01 35:49

That wasn't, I brought that up.

SPEAKER_08 35:51

Well, I'm gonna ask you this, Ron. Is is is closure about healing or is it about ego?

SPEAKER_01 35:56

About healing.

SPEAKER_08 35:57

Do you think there's no ego in there?

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Uh, depending on the person, yeah. I think that people that are ego-driven, it will because what did we say? Oh, I want to see if I can fuck again. That's ego.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

No, that's just what makes you make you make the right decision. That's ego. I want to see if I still can have her back, him back, whoever back.

SPEAKER_06 36:16

I feel like that's not closure, though. Like you already closed, but you're like, one more. Can I open it?

SPEAKER_01 36:25

That's ego. I hate y'all. That's very much ego, yeah. And it's manipulation. And that's why, and that's probably why, like, I I I I feel like I'm a good judge of character for the most part.

SPEAKER_08 36:37

So let me ask you this. Let me ask you this because this is one of the questions, right?

SPEAKER_01 36:40

Oh no, I wasn't saying that.

SPEAKER_08 36:41

I know.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

You wasn't.

SPEAKER_08 36:43

You wasn't. Uh like the situation you just said when you ran into your situationship, right? And how you feel like you you got closure then, right? So in that moment, if they I don't know if he apologized for anything, right? But if he had apologized for anything or anything he had done in during the pr time of your situationship, would that have actually changed anything about how you felt? You think that you think that would have made the the situation different?

SPEAKER_01 37:12

No. No. Because I'm I had so it wouldn't have mattered. Like for for myself, I was so far past it. Like it would have just been like, that's for you. Like, uh, like an apol. I mean, I guess I'm I'm trying to make it make sense because there wasn't really like an apology ode at that, but if there would have been, um, it wouldn't have changed how I felt, I guess. Because my true feeling about it is I'm just so far past, so it wouldn't have done anything. And because life paths, like, what what use is it of me to be like, oh my god, he said sorry, things are different now, and he's married, and like, you know what I mean? Like, for what? Like, you know? So, no, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_08 37:58

So, I'm gonna ask you two fellas the same question. If the if there's a situation to where you had closure, but then the person apologized for other case, is that something would you would possibly think about reopening the friendship or the relationship or whatever? But not the relationship, y'all niggas married. The friendship. I ain't trying to get anybody in trouble.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

Yeah, I don't mind. Me neither.

SPEAKER_06 38:15

You don't mind? I don't uh the relationship. No, no, not that. You know what I'm talking about. I don't mind uh reopening and like being at a point because it's like it's a different chapter. It's not the same. We're not going back to what that was.

SPEAKER_08 38:26

It's really mature. I'm still on my Kendrick shit.

SPEAKER_07 38:32

You're like, what the fuck? You never again. What Kendra saying McFly?

SPEAKER_08 38:38

I guess I ain't healed enough. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:42

I've always had a a goal of mine is to do recreate the Dave Chappelle skit. Which one? Where he he found the ex and pretended Yeah. And then left her made her leave her situation and all that, and just left her at the at the airport. So you so you're not ready? I'm not ready. I'm fucked up. I'm I'm a petty dude.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

You know what though? Like, do I wanna Okay, so I get I gave I gave uh example of a situation that was it wasn't horrible. Like, you know, it ended, whatever.

SPEAKER_08 39:15

It didn't end bad.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

It didn't end bad.

SPEAKER_08 39:17

So now you're trying to correlate it to the situation that ended bad? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

I'm trying to Would you accept the apology?

SPEAKER_08 39:22

I I I like you.

SPEAKER_07 39:24

You over there doing the work.

SPEAKER_01 39:25

Yeah, I really am. I'm like, I gave I gave the example that was like pick cookie cutter, like you know what I'm saying? The example of a relationship that was horrible, and they gave me an apology, I would take it with a grain of salt. There's still nothing, but I I guess I still have the same answer. There's still no outcome now that's different.

SPEAKER_08 39:45

You feel like there's nothing there's nothing for you to gain personally?

SPEAKER_01 39:48

Right. There's no shift in what the current state of us is based on that apology now.

SPEAKER_03 39:57

Okay. I can see it. You know, because I know there's no difference. I think it'd be very few people that if they gave me an apology, then I would just be like, I appreciate the rest of them. Fuck your apology. Show on that apology.

SPEAKER_06 40:09

Damn.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

I'm telling you, I'm not healing. That's why I go to therapy.

SPEAKER_06 40:13

I take it from uh a standpoint of we've all been I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I'm sure I'm sure I'm that to certain people. I'm sure I'm that I go off of that. People change, things change, and again, you're not going back to what things were. Like you can't, because that's closed. You're now going to a different Porsche. Okay. Can I ask how many how many drinks do you have today?

SPEAKER_00 40:37

I have one strong one. It's just like a shot at me. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 40:41

Why? Why? You're not sweating this week.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

He's not.

SPEAKER_06 40:46

He's not sweating.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

I think his hair is cutting a little bit low.

SPEAKER_06 40:50

That's why I took the hat off. Yeah. No edibles. Yeah. Usually. Usually. But I mean, that usually makes you say stupid shit, but I'm over here just you're in a uh tranquility like this. Yeah, I got tacos coming.

Real Apologies And Fake Ones

SPEAKER_01 41:04

Can I can I add can I add the fact though? Can I I want to add that an apology that's given to me, and I know you just fucking playing in my face.

SPEAKER_08 41:15

Oh, that's disrespectful. We know you feel about that. That's not a real apology.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Now we got a whole new problem.

SPEAKER_06 41:23

That would be the same person being the same person. Then didn't change.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Yeah, I'm just saying, like that's different. Now you're playing in my face, giving me fake ass apologies.

SPEAKER_06 41:34

Here's how I look at apologies that are like way down the line where you're like, you know that's not necessarily for you. Like if somebody comes and apologizes to you, it's not for you. It's something that's inside of them that made them feel like hey, I need to like, I fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Like you're saying that from a genuine space. Motherfuckers ain't genuine.

SPEAKER_06 41:55

Well, we're not talking about them because them niggas ain't apologizing. Like, that's not a real apologies. That's not real. That's not a real apology. Like just because you say the words, right? Don't mean you mean I can I can What?

SPEAKER_08 42:10

Don't give me that shit. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, that wasn't even I can uh That wasn't to you.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

That was to the I'm I'm triggered a little bit right now. That was to the situation.

SPEAKER_08 42:21

Okay, I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna ask you why you're triggered. I I can I'm kind of with Kevin on that because I feel like I've had family members in the past apologize to me for shit they've done to clear their conscience. So it wasn't it wasn't that they were they they nasty felt bad about what they did. Yeah, they just didn't want to carry that shit on them anymore.

SPEAKER_06 42:39

They want to say niggas will apologize to you and you like I didn't even know you did something.

unknown 42:46

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_08 42:48

But why you why you triggered Sharon? Why you what's triggering?

SPEAKER_01 42:51

I just don't like and I feel like when people give you that fake ass be like, you're not. Yeah. Sometimes they're just not. Yeah, that's yeah, and I really don't like to be like, just don't fucking play in my face.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

Like if there's anything that I can see right now, I wanted to grab for her wrist so she went swinging. I have nothing to do with the situation. She she quick, yeah. She quick, she quick, she grabbed for a pin.

SPEAKER_08 43:16

That's like when Kevin said, You want to sit there? I said, No, I do not.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Is that why I'm on the end today?

SPEAKER_01 43:23

You're not hitting me. Y'all got me fucked up. See, I do. I was wondering why I had to sit on the end today.

SPEAKER_08 43:30

Because you be hitting niggas.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

The next episode is gonna be them three. I'm gonna be on video.

SPEAKER_02 43:37

Just got the laptop set up. They're pants us over here like this. Emotional damaged.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Anyways, no, I just don't like to be played with it. And when people do that type of stuff, I just be feeling like go work on yourself. Don't worry about what it was between you and I. Go handle you. Because at the end of the day, whatever happened between us or however. It ended up being disrespect or whatever, right? It's because you have your own issues. Nine, ten, ten times out of ten, right? What I hear the other day, nine times out of eight. Nine times out of eight, you probably treated another person poorly because you have your own issues. So to come to me with an apology when I know that there's evidence of you still having those same issues and you still treating people still treating other people like shit. You're not really apologizing. You're playing in my face. You're saying it. It's like what you said.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

And yeah, we're leaving. Like why you keep moving. I don't even know what that is.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

Your hands are quick. Damn.

SPEAKER_03 45:01

Your hands are quick. Everybody knows it.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

But no, I was gonna say, like, if you're still, if you still have evidence of being a bullshit or a shitty ass person, then oh, like most said, like sometimes people will apologize for themselves. And that's even more genuine than like what I'm talking about. Like that, that can really be a thing. It's genuine. Yeah. Um, but sometimes people will apologize out of manipulation. Like after so much time has passed by, yeah. I don't know what I gotta do. I gotta tell the story. Like, no, nigga.

SPEAKER_06 45:30

And that's not an apology.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

That's not an apology.

SPEAKER_08 45:34

I do think sometimes niggas uh will nigga and women will apologize to try to correct their problems. Well, I was like, I was gonna say the other word. I'm trying to stop not say it as niggas.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Look, everybody is niggas. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 45:48

Um I feel like they will I feel like you know, motherfuckers do try to do shit to kind of fix their karma, like get their karma back on the right path. And and like I feel like like similar to what you were saying, uh Sharon, like don't don't sit here and play in my face and disrespect me because uh you're not you're not coming to me to actually make amends.

SPEAKER_01 46:06

To reconcile.

SPEAKER_08 46:07

You're just trying to make you're trying to make yourself feel better about what you did. I know, but they but they they but they don't believe that. It's not as working.

SPEAKER_06 46:14

They lie into themselves, and then when they figure it out, they can go hopefully one day look back and be like, there's there's no better apology than changed patterns in your behavior, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Right? Yeah, so if you have no money, but are you sorry?

SPEAKER_08 46:32

Damn, yeah, five racks, yeah. You know, you know, I forgive you.

unknown 46:37

Right.

SPEAKER_08 46:38

I forgive you.

SPEAKER_06 46:39

You were wrong as hell.

SPEAKER_01 46:41

Now go over there. Um, yeah. So that was kind of why. Just because like just lying. Just lying to me. Because you're lying to me. But I I to be truthful, like I said, like I don't really have a lot of or past relationships. Oh my gosh, I I wanted an apology or anything like that. It's just usually like you just move on. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 47:04

Turn the page. This is that this last question I'm gonna ask y'all on the topic.

SPEAKER_01 47:08

Okay, I did, I did get a little crazy with that playing in my face, shit. I just don't like it.

SPEAKER_08 47:14

Um in your last situation, did you would that whether it be in a relationship or friendship? Did you did you get closure or did you create it for yourself?

SPEAKER_03 47:25

I always say the same. Created for myself. I got a question to ask you.

SPEAKER_07 47:34

Me?

SPEAKER_03 47:35

Uh Kevin. How do you because shit I think the closure came when you called me about Mike. Well Mike. Yeah, well about with Mike. Like that think that closure came because I was at a at a point where I didn't know what happened with them, what was going on. So when you called me and said, hey man, I was like, shit. Like at that point I just had to accept. Yeah, you're like it's a good one. Yeah, like so did you take it the same way?

SPEAKER_06 48:04

I think with Mike, I feel like I had uh, here's how I always look at shit. If things go a certain way, I try to look at my behavior. I see something I may have done somewhere where it's like, all right, okay, I get that.

SPEAKER_05 48:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 48:16

It's like I don't have to call that person and be like, I did this. It's like I just kind of know where I fucked up. And if it's a scenario kind of like that, where it's like, I know I didn't really do nothing. It's like he just has some shit going on with his own shit, you know what I mean? But it's like, I'm not gonna fault nobody for that. So I just kind of move on. And then in that type of situation, hope it would come back to where it's like we could come back to some sort of core, some sort of relationship. It won't be the same, but it'll be this. But with that, it was just like we definitely don't have that now. Yeah. So it's like, I think I was already kind of closed in that regard, but not like I didn't want that person to not be in this world. You know what I mean? Like, so that's is one of those where you're like, damn, well, now this is for real, for real. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 49:01

Tron, you nervous?

unknown 49:03

No. I know.

SPEAKER_03 49:05

That's the hell of a that's a wild question to ask for the closure one.

SPEAKER_01 49:08

You nervous? I hit the ding, what you call it.

SPEAKER_08 49:10

I'm sorry, uh, but that's like the third time really you've been playing with your hair.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

Oh, I'm not nervous. Maybe I just why did I ask her?

SPEAKER_06 49:17

She said it was she was nervous before, like she thought it was a job interview.

SPEAKER_00 49:20

Yeah, I'm like I did, huh? Yeah, I'm like, I don't know the questions. Don't be stressed.

SPEAKER_08 49:29

Are you gonna answer the question, Sharon?

SPEAKER_01 49:31

Uh, what is in my last situation? Say it again.

SPEAKER_08 49:34

Did you get closure or did you create it for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 49:37

My last um micro type situation, dealing with a nigga.

SPEAKER_06 49:45

That's why she didn't want to host. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 49:49

Because these niggas got me fucked up out of here. No, they don't. Playing my fucking plans. We got kickboxing.

SPEAKER_00 49:57

Hey, you know what's funny? Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 49:58

If we had an episode where we wouldn't talk about none of that before, and she was just like, mmm, playing in my face. And I was like, what the we talking about money.

SPEAKER_04 50:14

I did.

SPEAKER_08 50:15

McFy did you answer it? Yeah. I asked him about my. I'm laughing at Sharade. Because Sharon is hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 50:24

I get shut up. I just get I'm passionate about stuff. This right here was crazy because I do that.

SPEAKER_08 50:32

All right. I do. I think I created for myself. I think going forward, I I I generally just uh um similar to what I did to the fall off, I just cut off.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:43

God damn, that's a cold thing to say. But that album was trash.

SPEAKER_08 50:49

I just cut it off. And uh I I don't give an explanation. Um I just I I just distance I personally distance myself. Um I'm not rude. I will respond. And I just I just move accordingly. I just, you know, I I now like I tell my therapist, I just I just I move people from one one box to another. And the further the further you get from the center, the less I'll talk to you.

SPEAKER_03 51:13

What box did you put J. Cole in?

SPEAKER_08 51:15

Hopeful. He's in the hopeful box. He can bounce back. Um hopeful. That fucking album's a I need closure from that fucking album. God damn.

SPEAKER_06 51:27

Well, the other one's coming out, he said, right?

SPEAKER_08 51:29

Yeah, I hope it's better. Um, not every ending comes with an explanation, but every ending comes with a choice. Uh say you can either stay stuck in the in the in the question or you can move forward out an answer. What's your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_06 51:41

Every ending gotta end it, nigga. What bars?

SPEAKER_08 51:44

That's true. That's true. What's your thoughts on the Sean? Oh my gosh, Sean. You know what? You playing in my fucking face. Oh, shit. Hey, that's what it is. You can you can stay stuck in the question or you can move forward without an answer.

SPEAKER_01 52:08

Oh. I love that. Because So what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_08 52:12

You gonna stay stuck or you gonna move forward? See, come on now, Sharon. Let me think. Okay. Okay, wait, think about it, McFly. I'm gonna forget. Alright, I agree. You gonna move forward?

SPEAKER_03 52:25

Yeah, I'm gonna move forward.

SPEAKER_08 52:26

I mean, I mean, I personally believe there's no reason to stay here.

SPEAKER_03 52:29

Best line from Fab Fabulous.

SPEAKER_08 52:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 52:32

You either I've beneficial, but I've been official. So you gotta just stay on that. Like I've been, like you could be beneficial, but I've been official. So you just keep going for it.

SPEAKER_01 52:45

Finding my cousin tells me that I always, even though my answer was that I move forward, what is probably probably I move forward.

SPEAKER_08 52:53

But you stuck.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

But I didn't made the answer up on my own. That's not fair to people sometimes.

SPEAKER_06 52:58

Fuck them. But what answer?

SPEAKER_01 53:04

No, fuck him, because I still move forward. I feel you, Mo. Like, stop. No, I'm laughing because he died, yeah, I wasn't even about to do nothing. But no, um, but I think that that could be toxic of me. I think it could.

SPEAKER_06 53:16

Some things just don't need to be answered, I feel like. Yeah, okay. Sometimes you that's yeah, that's the problem.

SPEAKER_01 53:22

I don't have to have the answer from you. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_06 53:24

I know, but you might make some crazy shit up where it's just like that's what it was.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

No, I just diagnosed you with something and then I just move on with my life.

Rapid Fire Questions On Healing

SPEAKER_08 53:32

All right, that's perfect, Kevin. Now we're gonna go to it. It's a quick auxiliary, it's a quick question and answer, period. All I want just a yes or no. Yes, a yes or no, nigga. I don't need no explanation. It's not even especially this is gonna be some bullshit. Uh no explanation, especially from this is gonna be some bullshit.

SPEAKER_06 53:51

There we go.

SPEAKER_08 53:51

The nigga from the the the upper ghetto, okay? This is gonna be some bullshit. Yes or no. And and upper hood. And I'm not and I'm not thank you, Kevin.

SPEAKER_01 54:01

That's my nigga right there. I never said ghetto.

SPEAKER_08 54:05

There's gonna be different questions. Upper room. All right, so Kevin, I'm gonna go with you. Yes. I think he's gonna say with the I already I think I know what you're gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 54:12

Oh, I'm so scared.

SPEAKER_08 54:13

Let's go. Can you move forward if you're still waiting on an apology? Yeah. Oh no, if you're waiting on one, no.

SPEAKER_06 54:20

No. Not at this point.

SPEAKER_08 54:21

Is that your final answer, nigga? You want to phone a friend?

SPEAKER_06 54:23

Yeah, if you're waiting, no. Okay. You can't. God.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

He said we gotta go fast. Damn.

SPEAKER_06 54:27

I know.

SPEAKER_08 54:28

And then he asked me a follower.

SPEAKER_05 54:31

What, nigga, I said.

SPEAKER_08 54:40

Are you blocking someone's healing or are you just avoiding the real work? Wait, I'm confused. When it relates when it relates to closure.

unknown 54:46

Oh.

SPEAKER_08 54:46

Are you blocking your healing? Are you just avoiding the reward?

SPEAKER_00 54:50

Oh those are the things.

SPEAKER_08 54:51

So he got a yes or no.

SPEAKER_00 54:53

I'm just saying yeah.

SPEAKER_08 54:54

She did it. She did it. Because it's her episode. Because it's her episode.

SPEAKER_01 54:58

And those are the same thing. Blocking healing and avoiding the work. Those are one and the same.

SPEAKER_08 55:05

Yeah. So what's the answer? What's the answer?

SPEAKER_01 55:07

You're both.

SPEAKER_08 55:09

That's how you see. I asked you a question depending on how you're looking at it.

SPEAKER_01 55:12

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh. Boom. I like that. So can you answer the question, nigga, or not? Avoiding the work. You're avoiding the work.

SPEAKER_08 55:22

Avoiding the work. Yeah. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

Uh I liked that. I did. It took me a minute to get there, but I liked it.

SPEAKER_03 55:34

Ready. You ready? I think. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not sure. Go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_08 55:40

What's worse? Failing publicly or silently struggling alone.

SPEAKER_03 55:48

Silently struggling alone, honestly. Because failing publicly, you could bounce back from. But yeah, failing alone. Or sil struggling alone is the because you're doing that shit alone and you feel like you don't want to tell about it. That's sounds horrible.

SPEAKER_01 56:02

That answer was out of your ego. Without ego? Without ego. Because a person same shit. Same shit. Same shit. Somebody that would have answered from the ego would have.

SPEAKER_08 56:14

Same shit. Sharon, so since you got so much to say, do people deserve access to you after they mishandled you?

SPEAKER_01 56:23

Mm-mm. Hell no.

SPEAKER_08 56:24

Because they played in your fucking face.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

They played in my motherfucking face and it's a rap. But niggas always come back. They never stay. But that's a whole nother.

SPEAKER_08 56:34

That's another episode. Yeah, it is. Kevin, at what point does understanding someone's trauma stop excusing their behavior?

SPEAKER_06 56:41

Understanding them? Yeah. I feel like you don't have to excuse their behavior to understand it.

SPEAKER_01 56:47

All right. Hold on. Good shit. No, for real. I don't even be doing that. But that that was tight, Kevin.

SPEAKER_06 56:53

Well, I mean.

SPEAKER_01 56:54

Kevin, like, what did I say?

SPEAKER_08 56:56

Like, what is it? What's his name? That's a bar, nigga.

SPEAKER_00 56:59

No, for real. Kevin, like, I'm gonna have to watch this episode.

SPEAKER_01 57:06

Niggas like that and say what it's true. Hey, drop the bar.

SPEAKER_08 57:13

McFly, have you ever been the person that didn't give someone close closure? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 57:18

Confidently.

SPEAKER_08 57:19

And I have a follow-up question there. Do you feel like how, now that you're in your therapy mode, do you think in retrospect, was that a good move or a bad move?

SPEAKER_03 57:29

Great move. Do you need to be?

SPEAKER_07 57:32

If you want to, you can.

SPEAKER_03 57:34

I just I think it's a great move because I though they I feel like uh to even to the question you asked her, I feel like people were rightfully rightfully so denied access to me in those moments. So they didn't get closure, but it was for my own my my own being. Okay. So yeah.

Outgrowing People And Finding Yourself

SPEAKER_08 57:53

It was and this question is for everybody. Have you ever outgrown a situation you once begged to keep? Yeah. And if you if so, if you want to elaborate what that was, I'm just really what?

SPEAKER_01 58:05

I'm just sharing with A guys that I just love that for you. Um oh, my freaking mouth. Um my he my friend now, too. My my oldest kid's dad. Like, I can speak more our situation because I tell him all the time he likes my cousin now.

SPEAKER_08 58:25

Please don't say that. Don't don't say that. You have a baby by that nigga. Don't say that to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 58:30

He came like last week he came over. He he called me uh cousin baby mama friend.

unknown 58:38

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 58:40

I say all the time he my cousin. He's cousin. He we're cousins on our kids' side. But no, he we cool, we're real cool. That's what I was saying.

SPEAKER_08 58:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 58:48

Um in the south that would go off.

SPEAKER_08 58:50

It's weird. I I thought Alabama meaning, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 58:52

Yeah, I'm joking. I mean it's a joke, obviously.

SPEAKER_03 58:55

Yeah, but you know, south they believe you.

SPEAKER_01 58:57

It it speaks to the friendship, I guess. Okay. But um, yeah, I mean him got together when I was 17. So that was all I wanted. Like he was just, oh my God, I just really want, like, we were I in my head, that's what I was supposed to marry and everything. But no. And then it was just like I wanted it so bad. And then after I didn't, and going into like now, like I can just jokingly say, like, that's the childhood friend of mine, like, girl, no, you didn't. Like, but during and you know, while it was fresh and when I was a child, it was something Kevin.

SPEAKER_06 59:40

No, I grown it. I just feel like things change. They've changed.

SPEAKER_08 59:43

Do you have any situations that you beg for?

SPEAKER_06 59:46

Um sure. You used to pray for times like this? I'm sure, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, I'm sure uh when you look at everybody's lives, it landed exactly where where they're supposed to be. Where we're supposed to be. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 59:59

Oh, that's good. This nigga dodged the question.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:01

That's not dodging. I would say it's uh to be popular. It was something that uh younger you wanted to be more popular or liked, and I think now I've gotten to a point where I like like who I am. I think it's uh that the older I get, I get this more uh uh I gotta get the snaps from uh like the poetry. And like uh it's funny, is like the more I find myself, the more people seem to be drawn towards me. So I guess it's kinda it works out in its o its own.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:34

But just being me is dope.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:36

I'm scared.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:37

So do you feel like over these last couple of months with the therapy you're more comfortable being you?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:43

I I do, and I feel like I it opens up my understanding of myself because I used to think that I would be so uh terrified to talk about myself to a therapist, and I realized the therapist looking at me like if you don't shut the fuck up. So yeah, I think it's dope. It kind of gives me an understanding of um just the comfortable uh perspective of what I am as far as talking. As far as opening up about myself, rather.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:11

Do you realize that being possible for the birds?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:13

Yeah. And it was a one of the things where I said I was trying to figure out where I stood, and then I started like, as I after my dad passed, I started doing things differently. And it it me just doing it unknowingly made people start saying things to me that I didn't even know they noticed, like the the whole wearing the the loud shoes or the hair or the I don't think it's loud, I just think you wear what you like. Yeah, but I'm saying I'm doing it because I like it, but then somebody'll go, that's dope, and I'm like, I didn't even know you noticed that. Like it was just something I did, but it was just because it was trying to find myself after my dad being a big part of my identity growing up wasn't there anymore. It was like, well, who am I now?

SPEAKER_08 1:01:51

Well, yeah, you three niggas answered so uh well sorry, Kevin. You two niggas answered so uh how deeply you thought of it. Oh, you answered.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:58

That was that dodging the question, or I'm telling you. I just it wasn't what I wanted.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:02

You know, I just expected more from you, Kevin.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:05

The problem with niggas is expecting from people. Yeah, you you've been on my nigga.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:09

You've been on your dealing and shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:12

You're playing in my face.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:18

Look here, I'm from I'm from the upper hood, I'm from the upper hood. You don't want to mess with me.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

I'm from the upper hood. Y'all are honestly do feel like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:26

I haven't, it's just I've changed. So I get it, I get it, I get it.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:30

So uh since y'all, since y'all was serious, I'm gonna be non-serious as I end this. Uh the one situation that I beg for.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:37

You play it in my face.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:38

I was about that. Uh one situation that I beg for that I have completely outgrown is uh uh marriage and fatherhood. Because these niggas are expensive, and I wish I had my money to myself, but I love them. No, I wouldn't trade them for nothing but more money.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:57

Go spend the week with you'll be like, never mind.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:00

Nope.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:01

Fuck that. Never mind.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:03

You got a single homie right here. This shit is for the birds.

Wrap Up And Sign Off

SPEAKER_08 1:03:06

You ain't single. You got you got three roommates. Uh this has been episode 239 of Heyway Collective. Make sure you like, comment, subscribe, share, all that shit. And until next time, we love y'all.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:21

Sprinter van.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:22

Peace.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:27

That's rep, y'all. That's that's how she wrote. So, make sure, click like, subscribe, tune in. We're on our screen platform. So until next time.