The Heavyweight Podcast
Welcome to *The Heavyweight Podcast*, where every week, a dynamic group of four—“this lady and these three guys”—come together to discuss a wide range of topics that both warm the heart and nourish the soul. The Heavyweight Podcast brings together four unique individuals, each with their own perspective, to engage in open and honest conversations about real-life situations. Whether you're in need of a good laugh to release some tension or you're seeking real answers to life’s tough questions, tune in to *The Heavyweight Podcast*. Whatever you're looking for, you’ll find it here.
The Heavyweight Podcast
Shut Up!
This week on The Heavyweight Podcast, we’re talking about what makes a real relationship work beyond the internet noise. We dive into gender roles, emotional safety, money, leadership, and communication—with honest takes on what partnership actually looks like when life is happening in real time.
We talk through how family and culture shape us, how parenting pressures show up, and why real love is built with intention—not Instagram rules. From co-pilot relationships to quiet nights in, this is for anyone trying to build a house that lasts.
Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Podcast.
Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast
Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.
SPEAKER_05:The message behind saying the title of the Heavyweight Podcast is to be able to say that we can we can weigh in some heavy shit. What we're talking about is important from every aspect of it. It's a heavy weight. It's not just about physical weight, but the weight of things that that can weigh our minds. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation.
SPEAKER_04:I know you was gonna go there and shut up. Oh Donna put a sticker for our own. I would like to get the no if I could be. Oh fuck, okay, if I'm stuck in the 90s, nigga. I don't care.
SPEAKER_02:The 90s is the best era, nigga. I'm trying to change the crazy. I know I'm old, nigga. I'm like, man, this this new music is.
SPEAKER_04:The 90s had all the baddest bitches in all makeup niggas.
SPEAKER_02:Period. The bitch looked the same way when you woke up in the morning. Sorry. Nowadays you gotta throw water on these bitches when you meet them.
SPEAKER_04:That shit ain't gonna get it, get it off, nigga. We got waterproof makeup, nigga. What the fuck is you talking about?
SPEAKER_02:You met her, she was a 10. You woke up next to the three. God damn, what happened?
SPEAKER_04:Hey, at least she got a 10. You need you need to make sure she got a vagina because the baddest bitches be Nick's.
SPEAKER_01:I'm on baby pictures. You'll find you'll find that out, though.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, nigga, the hard way, nigga.
SPEAKER_02:The baddest bitches got it's like it's like that that fucking real boy was in um, he was in Thailand. He's like, Oh my god, you're very beautiful.
SPEAKER_01:And then the the the guy go, uh, I I lady boy. I said, damn. No, listen, I've seen it in real time. Damn, I've seen that shit in real time. Like the next day when you see niggas where you're like, Oh, you fucked the dude. Yeah, like they just be sitting there just, hey, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02:And then the niggas told him, like, hey, I'm a man. And he looked at her like, look, we looked at him like, damn, I don't know. I'm not gay, but uh I said, nigga, just I've seen niggas.
SPEAKER_01:I was like, well, the second you told me you got balls, nigga, I'm out. The fuck? Like I seen niggas when we going back to the ship depressed. You fucked a man last night. You was looking like you was having fun earlier.
SPEAKER_02:What's wrong, dude? Il. What's wrong, Dad?
SPEAKER_01:Found out you had your meat in a nigga's mouth.
SPEAKER_02:You ain't never fucked a man before.
SPEAKER_04:I have, of course. I ain't never fucked a man, but I have fucked a man before. Go fuck a couple more. For life is over. Few bitches, too. Can you fuck with the mighty boys? The what? The lady boys. No, I'm cool. Not not the nigga bitches.
SPEAKER_01:Uh you might fuck with some of them Thailand Thailand ones. You a gorgeous little nigga bitch. They was out there tricking niggas.
SPEAKER_02:That motherfucker Drew's hilarious. Yeah, he's he. I don't think I I think a lot of these you niggas are not funny, but that nigga Drew is hilarious. That nigga's hilarious. Yeah, he's different.
SPEAKER_04:He's he's hilarious. No, he's he's authentic. I think that's that nigga real ass personality.
SPEAKER_02:Because every time that nigga uh somebody comes around that corner and and she got an ass or titties, and the way that nigga responded, you that's his natural like. Damn, like yeah, that nigga said Ben Talk Right. He said, Don't say nothing, just sign her hair. Yeah, his ass is hilarious. Don't say shit, just sign the line.
SPEAKER_04:His ass is hilarious.
SPEAKER_02:I gotta I gotta get one of them shows, nigga. Well, I can just sit in the chair and sign niggas. I don't know what contract he signed them to.
SPEAKER_04:Oh god. I don't know what kind of I don't know what he's signing them to either, actually, to be perfectly honest with you.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. Yeah, Rocky raising canes for a week. Oh god, I don't know what it is. I know that one chick that was in there, she was like six five, and she was like, You want you want you want D1 babies?
SPEAKER_04:I was like, Oh yeah, what do you bring to the table? I bring gins.
SPEAKER_02:Shit.
SPEAKER_04:I said, Dude she's you're gonna have basketball player boy babies.
SPEAKER_02:That that big she was six, she was like six three, six, four.
SPEAKER_04:But she had a solid body. That body was solid.
SPEAKER_02:That's what's fat. Yeah, her ass was I'll send you to her. I'll send her there to you. I've seen it, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:You seen it. She had a solid body. She was right there. You she was cool.
SPEAKER_02:If y'all get y'all can probably make Shaq, nigga. Fuck yeah. You want one more? Just tell her, tell the wife this is for the future. You're investing. Investment. Yeah. We trying to get a D1 out here. That goddamn NIL money alone.
SPEAKER_01:What episode is this?
SPEAKER_04:This is episode 221.
SPEAKER_01:221.
SPEAKER_04:You ain't trying to get a D1? Anyway.
SPEAKER_02:Hey, look here. I'll fucking call you one. Look, the second if my daughter's taking the gymnastics, the second day calls, come call the NIL. Shit. We signed all offers.
SPEAKER_04:I don't know about y'all, but as I'm scrolling the internet, I see a lot of gender wars going on. That's because bitches ain't shit. That's because niggas ain't shit either. And today we we we just might get down to the bottom of who ain't shit.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_04:We shh, this is we're gonna see nigga.
SPEAKER_02:My bad. I apologize.
SPEAKER_04:This is episode 221. Today we're gonna talk about gender roles and how they show up in relationships. They don't. I'm your host, Des the Diva. I think you might be right. Who knows? And I'm here back with my three favorite gentlemen. Introduce yourselves.
SPEAKER_01:He's sleepy. He don't know who he is. I'm Stew Dross.
SPEAKER_02:Stew like like like uh S C E W stude or S C U Stew? Stewed. Oh Stew. Stew to Dross. Oh okay. So you you didn't make it a time. You know. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_04:Introduce yourself, please. So we can get to the to the to the nitty and the gritty.
SPEAKER_01:It's your boy.
SPEAKER_04:It's my boy, Malik.
SPEAKER_05:No name, just your boy.
SPEAKER_02:It's your boy, nigga.
SPEAKER_05:I guess since he's you tried it, I'm Breedy McFly.
SPEAKER_02:Breedy?
SPEAKER_05:You trying to have a breed to uh make basketball babies, nigga?
SPEAKER_02:Hey nigga. I'm telling you, good old girl, nigga. That would be next one. That motherfucker might be uh seven five. I'm trying to tell you.
SPEAKER_01:That's a lot of tequila.
SPEAKER_05:Motherfucker come out six feet tall.
SPEAKER_04:At birth? At birth, I'm trying to tell you. Walk out.
SPEAKER_02:Damn. Nigga, walk out. Well, she caught the hip. That motherfucker gonna definitely gonna slide out the way her hist will shape. She ain't gonna have no hard time pushing that motherfucker out.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Okay, so as always, we're gonna start with five rapid fire questions. I didn't even ask you niggas how your week was. How's your fucking week?
SPEAKER_01:But I'm pretty sure she never mind. It don't matter.
SPEAKER_04:Nasty, how was your week?
SPEAKER_01:It don't matter. How was your week, Kevin? It don't matter. What's up? How was yours?
SPEAKER_04:Cool, it don't matter. Go ahead. How was your week?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, um, it's cool, man. Halloween was good. No, I don't give a fuck about Halloween, nigga. Why not? Cause you got no candy. I got too much.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:So you banging on Halloween now? No.
SPEAKER_02:Nigga, you my children. Nigga, my kid, I I take the candy. She don't see that shit after the night. She get three pieces and we hide that shit in the closet.
SPEAKER_01:You know how long we got. She don't look for it?
SPEAKER_02:She can't reach it, nigga. Damn. She can look it. She looks at it all every day. She just can't reach it.
SPEAKER_05:So you graduated.
SPEAKER_02:What?
SPEAKER_05:Before you, that was in your statement about Halloween.
SPEAKER_02:What?
SPEAKER_05:You was talking about you was confiscating shit and get and picking your favorite shit. Oh, I'm doing that.
SPEAKER_02:I still do that. No, and I'm getting it. I'm getting the Kit Kat out. Motherfucker's mine.
SPEAKER_04:So so technically you got her out there working for your manics.
SPEAKER_02:Hey, and I go to work every day for hers. Trifling. I go to work every she don't clock in. She don't look here. That girl, look, that girl get picked up early every Friday. Last Friday she got picked up and I brought her sushi. So though she didn't she can give me some goddamn Kit Kats. That's how I look at it. You're such a good guy.
SPEAKER_05:I'm waiting for the the door that starts handing out protein bars and shit.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I'm gonna be there three times. Trif. Okay. I got three. I got three disabled kids in the car.
SPEAKER_01:You gotta become the door.
SPEAKER_05:I'm not too expensive. Too pricey.
SPEAKER_04:How was your day or your week?
SPEAKER_05:Uh exhausting.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Anything particularly?
SPEAKER_02:I mean, yeah, when you're breeding, a lot of energy. A lot of energy. How many Red Bulls you drink?
SPEAKER_05:No, I I graduated to Bucked Up.
SPEAKER_02:With the blue pills to be fucking up. Real life She Hate Me movie. Balls drained. Have you seen that movie? Yes. You ever seen She Hate Me?
SPEAKER_04:No.
SPEAKER_02:Well, he was fucking all the all the lesbians and giving babies? This is what they don't tell you.
SPEAKER_04:No, this is is this a porno? No, this is a real movie. I don't watch porn.
SPEAKER_05:You get a trick. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_04:He was a I stopped listening to you when you said drain my balls. I turn this way.
SPEAKER_02:He was a Harvard uh educated black man that lost his job. And his ex, who left him for a woman, came to him with a proposal to impregnate them because she felt like he had good genius. He was smart. And so then word got around and he started fucking all the lesbians. Now he fucked some of them. Some of them just wanted him to give them a donation. But the funniest one was when the stud bitch was like, nah, nigga, I want my shit the original way. Drop this off. Clarence? This is an actual movie?
SPEAKER_04:Yes, he was in there fucking the shot that stud. This is an actual movie.
SPEAKER_02:And she was fucking the shot of him. Yeah. She was called him a nigga and shit. I said, fucking bad. I said, this is a weird shit. That's the only goddamn uh stay hard in that situation. That nigga was popping. Like no, that nigga was popping Viagra and Red Bull like it was going out of style. But he was nigga, he was getting like fucking he was getting like 40, 50, 50,000 per pregnancy. Nigga, I'm I'm in there. Shit. Line up, nigga.
SPEAKER_01:40 or 50 dollars?
SPEAKER_02:Thousand.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, I was like look here. What? I'm gonna need you to stop calling me a nigga, right?
SPEAKER_04:Like the for 40 or 50,000, you're gonna be whatever fuck she says you is.
SPEAKER_01:Nigga, for 50,000, she can call me every nigga in the book. Well, with Red Bull and Viagra, you're gonna stay hard.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Or have a heart attack. Yeah. Both.
SPEAKER_04:This should be an interesting episode of me and that's how you niggas are married. We are not gonna talk about this movie.
SPEAKER_02:If she with the stud chick, it would have taken me forever to bust. I said, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:She probably got a good clinch game.
SPEAKER_04:This is yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Just look at you like cake.
SPEAKER_04:Most studs are touch me. You gotta think about it, because there's a lot of studs that are touch me, not studs, meaning that they don't want any penetration or anything done. They don't let you eat them out, they'll let you touch them. So she probably tight in the tight in a motherfucker.
SPEAKER_01:Cagles, nigga.
SPEAKER_04:I've I've I've had girls damn near pull my fucking finger off because they were so goddamn tight down there. So she'll probably snatch up the biggest. You got video done. What?
SPEAKER_05:I mean, all these fans is a thing.
SPEAKER_04:I'd be rich like a motherfucker if I was showing y'all what I was on. Rich. Okay, I'm trying to tell you.
SPEAKER_05:Have her grabbing random things. I'm trying to tell you. She almost stole my finger.
SPEAKER_04:Anyways, let's get down to business. Uh, we're gonna do rapid fire questions first. We're gonna start on this side of the room. Uh, Mick Fly, tell me who should make the first move, the man or the woman?
SPEAKER_05:Uh now the woman. I'm afraid. Are you really telling me? I would be afraid.
SPEAKER_02:But the way the cancel culture is now? What's the dynamic of the first move? Like, are we already together or are we just are we meeting each other? What's the dynamic?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, that's a good.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, what's the dynamic of it? Just meeting. Like the she gotta make the move.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, because if I make the move and then all of a sudden the cops are at my doorstep.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, nah, fuck that. We talking about like fucking or just like just the moves. No, we're talking about fucking. Move on. No, we fucking.
SPEAKER_04:Are women mean to y'all?
SPEAKER_02:No, I'm just saying the climate of how it's like the thing is you don't want no, I don't want no misunderstanding. So you you bring me the energy, no allegations to put on you.
unknown:Nope.
SPEAKER_04:I get it. And that's just that's sad and unfortunate, but that brings uh a light to it because as a woman, I prefer the man to make the first move. Yeah, but that makes sense as to why it's difficult for y'all to do that because it is in a safe climate. But as a woman, I would prefer a man.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, even if it's just hey, let's as a man, when you got shit to lose, you ain't risking it. But if you're talking about just uh I fancy you type shit, then yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I mean, like, you know, just that initial meeting. Hey, what's up?
SPEAKER_02:You know, asking the bitch the coffee, yeah, you can do that.
SPEAKER_04:Why she gotta be? Why does she have to be a bitch?
SPEAKER_01:Like ask the hoe the coffee. Like, what the fuck? We talk about courting.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'll take that bitch out. Right. Like I'm talking about to start the initial courting part.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's that's the guy. That's the guy.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I would think it would be the guy. I'm not finna go up to no nigga and be like, hey, what's up? Well, I don't know. Chris Brown walked by. Christopher Maurice Brown? Christopher Maurice Brown walk by, baby. I'm gonna be like, listen.
SPEAKER_05:Just to clarify, Maurice, you say, bitch, Starbucks?
SPEAKER_04:Or oh hell. Bitch, look a lot. It doesn't come for the fight season. Thank God y'all niggas ain't single because y'all be having me out here having to fight, bitches, because you done went up to the hoes, hey bitch, Starbucks?
SPEAKER_02:I wouldn't even talk to no bitch when I was single. I ain't got time. They be like, that's disrespectful, but yes.
SPEAKER_04:I hope not. I'll take the video. I hope nobody's responding to like, you know what? But it's just as scary for women because it's scary to turn niggas down. Like, I have been threatened.
SPEAKER_01:I it's so that's unfortunate.
SPEAKER_04:I'll have niggas bug the shit out of me in my inbox.
SPEAKER_02:Just keep that thing on you.
SPEAKER_04:And do? Keep that thing on you. And do. But I but then I say, like, oh no, and I'm polite. I'm polite as hell. I do not turn. That's where you fuck up. I don't turn, but you know what? Because I don't feel like tearing nobody down is the way. Like, I don't want to be like, hell no, nigga. Like, like something is wrong with you. Just because I am not attracted to you does not mean there's something wrong with you. So I don't turn niggas down in no mean ass way. I'm not no bitch like that. But I still get fuck you, fat ass bitch. Fuck you, bitch. You fucking fat, but you ugly fat anyway. I would just give you a chance to have a fucking reaction when I tell them no.
SPEAKER_05:Stalemate then. Both genders are looking at the other side like Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_04:Which was what I was hoping that we got to the bottom of with us, our group, having this conversation, because I knew it wasn't gonna be a just a conversation of us really dragging each other down, but really getting down to the bottom of what the issue is. We legitimately are both facing an issue when it comes to like the the initial meetup.
SPEAKER_02:I feel like as a man, you have to make that initial approach. And but again, I understand, I see what you're coming from because I know a lot of guys don't handle rejection well, so a lot of guys will won't do it for fear of rejection.
SPEAKER_04:Exactly.
SPEAKER_02:But I feel like a lot of I feel like a lot of times guys get rejected because they don't they don't uh they don't appear to have confidence.
SPEAKER_04:The confidence will go a long way because they're I can't even say that online. Yeah, you can. I think uh can't because he watched the podcast.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you could have well in the street, yeah. Yeah, then you can't say it.
SPEAKER_04:I'll I'll just say this. There have there have been men that I've not necessarily found physically attractive, but they've had confidence that I would be more. Swagger goes a long way. Not even just not they they not even really like I knew Swagger.
SPEAKER_02:I knew Swagger went a long way when when when when they when I found out that Biggie had kids for he was famous. Baby, I said swagger go a long motherfucking way.
SPEAKER_04:Because ain't no way I was for the climb that mountain, baby. Ain't no but for get up top here, no sir, because he was not hitting the book.
SPEAKER_01:He was doing dirt, he was fucking a lot with his and he had a wife. I'm not gonna say, but that nigga was yeah, he was not attracted to that.
SPEAKER_04:I will definitely give you a chance if your confidence is there personally. A mouthpiece. I'm not ever yeah, I will give you a chance if your confidence is there.
SPEAKER_05:I I think you gotta tighten the ship because there's that my brain went to because Biggie guy was so cocked, that he was always gonna have a side pitch.
SPEAKER_04:Oh the logic is there, the logic is there, the logic is there.
SPEAKER_05:Is it wrong that my brain went to since Biggie's eye was so cocked? Oh, okay. All he heard was cocked.
SPEAKER_04:All that nigga heard was cock. I could write the post.
SPEAKER_05:He was always gonna have a side pitch.
SPEAKER_01:Oh shit. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that the logic is there. The logic is there. Okay, when it comes to cooking dinner, his job, her job, or whomever's home first.
SPEAKER_02:It's whoever's the best fucking cook. Because I'm not eating no trash ass food.
SPEAKER_04:Aggressive? Aggression much?
SPEAKER_02:That's here. Sorry, Kevin. I mean, that's it. I wasn't a personal shot.
SPEAKER_01:I didn't, I don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, it became personal when you said why would that be personal?
SPEAKER_04:Why would do you cook? No, we know a man. Because I be, oh, she can't? She cooked. I didn't know that because she made a little egg bites, a little egg bites look good. But then, but then I know you make the spaghetti sauce off the rip from scratch. Yeah. So and I'd be seeing you. Who makes the cheese peas? I kind of feel like it's personal now. What the fuck is cheese peas? I I do the cooking in my house, and I wanna I would like to continue to do the cooking in my house because I feel like that's a form of love.
SPEAKER_02:What kind of butter you use?
SPEAKER_04:Lander Lakes. And it depends on what it is. If I'm using salted, if it depends on what I'm making, if it's salted or unsalted, but I keep them both in the house. But I um I don't use margarine and all that shit. I use butter.
SPEAKER_02:I use Irish butter.
SPEAKER_04:And I will actually. And it really just depends because sometimes I might use a butter that's flavored, and then Lando Lakes doesn't make those, but it depends on what I'm making. But I like to do the cooking, it's a form of love for me. It and it depends on what type of cookie.
SPEAKER_02:You don't love me?
SPEAKER_04:What you want me to cook your friend?
SPEAKER_02:They ain't never made me nothing. Shout out to King Dice. I'll make you anything. Shout out to King Dice.
SPEAKER_05:I'll rock it with it. He had this uh organic Irish garlic butter. Was it fire? For the rolls. That shit was fire. Fire?
SPEAKER_04:I thought she was finna say this nigga finna come up here and cook. What the fuck? That was so random. Shout out to the king that, but shout out to King Dice.
SPEAKER_05:Because it was at his wedding and I never had the garlic butter or whatever it was for the rolls. I said, this is some fancy shit.
SPEAKER_02:Uh I in my house we both cook. Yeah. I don't I don't like cooking as much as I do use to. I love it.
SPEAKER_04:But you know, it's a form of love to me, especially if I got a nigga that's doing what the fuck he's supposed to be doing. You don't want your ass to work all day. Oh, it's finna be some high food in this motherfucker when you get off work.
SPEAKER_02:Don't just just take a work from home.
SPEAKER_04:No, and I work from home, so there's not a real reason for me not to be able to whip something up.
SPEAKER_02:Make some potato salad?
SPEAKER_04:Yes, I can make potato salad, but my mother is the potato salad maker. Raisins, nigga. I'm just I'm not even cigarettes. In my adult life, I eat raisins. Like, period. I fuck with raisins by themselves. I'm not sure in my adult life that I eat that.
SPEAKER_05:I was just looking for the reaction. You got the appropriate reaction.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, ain't nobody putting a goddamn raisins. It's disgusting. You sure? I'm positive. If your partner made more money than you, would that bother you? Hell no. I'm watching for that shit to happen right the fuck now.
SPEAKER_02:I will be a house husband in a heartbeat. I'd walk around in booty shorts and tank tops if that's what she wanted. I don't give a fuck being a cheerleading outfit.
SPEAKER_04:You're gonna be in a cheerleading outfit.
SPEAKER_05:Be out the workforce ASAP, nigga.
SPEAKER_04:I think it really depends on it.
SPEAKER_05:She makes more money. Like I'll be hyped.
SPEAKER_04:That depends on a man's insecurity because if you're an insecure man, it's gonna be hard for you to see your wife do things.
SPEAKER_01:As long as my allowance hit the bank, I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_02:It's difficult for for some for some meaning.
SPEAKER_01:If she wins, we win. Right. Yeah. I'm trying to Would you like that car?
SPEAKER_04:Like, yes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that sounds like I didn't wasn't even thinking about that.
SPEAKER_04:Who leads the relationship? Is there a true leader in the relationship or do they both?
SPEAKER_02:The man should lead.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, now now elaborate on that.
SPEAKER_02:I said the man should lead.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Elaborate on that. And should he should he believe that a man should lead as well, but I think only if he's led first by a higher power.
SPEAKER_01:Who are you leading? Like what part are we leading?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, because you're not gonna lead me to fucking disaster.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean, there's different parts of the relationship, too. I think there's different parts that the female should lead to. I feel like as a man, you set the tone. You could set the tone, but there's different like by setting the tone, you're leading.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, fine.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, but Kevin, all of it. Elaborate on what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01:What parts men were supposed to be providers, all this and that, and the nurture side, like you gotta let the lady lead on the nurture side, right? Like that's leading on there. So that's a lead. But you got but you had to provide the side. I get what you're saying. Cool. Cool. Yeah, nigga. That's a different lead, though. You're leading a different space. Yeah, nigga, I'm still. That's not the whole relation.
SPEAKER_05:Y'all haven't done that in a while.
SPEAKER_02:I'm just messing with Kevin Kevin. I'm laughing. I'm looking at him laughing at the same time. He ain't gonna get me like he get hurt.
SPEAKER_04:Fuck you, Kevin. Because you know, y'all always see it.
SPEAKER_01:He looks right at me and starts laughing when he says some shit that triggers you.
SPEAKER_04:Maybe because he gets on my fucking. I ain't never had nobody get on my nerve like that. But I got two annoying ass brothers, and I ain't never had nobody.
SPEAKER_02:No, okay. I feel like it's the man's responsibility. You you set the groundwork, you you set the foundation, you set the expectations, and you have to, and it goes from everything from accountability to execution. So you have to be accountable within yourself. You can't you can't hold other accountable if you're not being accountable for your part of the deal. And you also are you also are responsible for the execution of the plan. It's like I always say, either I'm not saying being a leader, I have uh uh ultimate control. I'm not a dictator. I still I still we still have a conversation, we still discuss. But at the end of the day, like I say all the time, I have veto power of whatever her decision or her idea is. So either I can either veto her decision or I can go with her decision. But regardless of whatever decision is made, I'm still ultimately responsible for the decisions that are made. And the outcome. Yes.
SPEAKER_04:So I'm the nigga, is what I'm being told here in the relationships that I be in. I'm the helpful. I think I I think that I'm learning, especially through watching, through watching people's views on social media, that what men, some men, idea of what a man's what makes you a man and a leader is what be fucking up the situation.
SPEAKER_01:What do you mean?
SPEAKER_04:Like the way that he just explained that made perfectly good sense to me. Like, I I but I think a lot of men feel like just telling a woman what to do in general is what makes you a man. You be because you see a lot of men, I want my bitch to shut up, I want my bitch to do what I say, but then you saying something, but you're not saying nothing. You're not leading me nowhere. You're not, we're not making no more money with you talking. We're not growing, we're not developing, we're not going on vacation, we not doing nothing, the bills ain't on time. You just talking to me, talking, but you want me to shut up while you do it, and that's what some men think leadership is.
SPEAKER_02:I'm also a part of the club that uh subscribes to the notion, the belief that is if your woman is lacking in something that you that you feel she's lacking in, you you have part of that. It's part of you, it's something that you're either not communicating to her, conveying, or showing her. Or a lot of times, like I say, just how we as men want peaceful spaces, we also have to then provide those spaces for our for our partners. So you can't you can't create an environment of chaos and then not respect some type of pushback or chaos in retreat in um uh in retrospect. So like even if even if a lot of times people think, well, she does she don't say nothing to me. Well, she may shut down because she don't like the energy you breathe. There's it's not it's not a lot of times chaos isn't uh having a loud woman. A lot, a lot of uh, me personally, a woman that's quiet is way more impactful than a woman that runs her mouth. Because if you run your mouth, I'm just not gonna listen to your ass. But when you're not engaging with me and now you're being quiet, now I can now I'm seeing you and not listening to you, and now I can be more intentional about my movements because I'm seeing how you're reacting to what I'm saying. That's why I say silence is way more powerful than anything you can ever say.
SPEAKER_04:That's put a lot into perspective.
SPEAKER_02:That's why I don't argue. I just shut up. I mean, I don't I don't really argue with you, I just be playing, but you know, I'm talking about my relationship.
SPEAKER_04:No, no, no. I know I I know that you be playing. I don't think the rest of the world be knowing that you be. I don't give a fuck about that. You be playing.
SPEAKER_02:What I tell me, fuck them. I don't know them people. I don't give a fuck about them people. I got people I'm related to, I don't give a fuck about. You don't think you care about people I don't know?
unknown:What the fuck?
SPEAKER_02:I got I share blood with people I don't give a fuck about. You think I care about I don't care about share blood with okay.
SPEAKER_04:And let me fly answer this first, please. Make fly, what do you think that the gender roles are in relationships?
SPEAKER_05:I think it's uh for me personally, I think it it with leading. I I feel like it has to I there has to be somewhat at some point a co-pilot that she can rely on to uh help navigate because I've never in my life subscribed to pretending like I know everything. So there's gonna be a lot of shit that I don't know that I'm gonna I I would hope that the co-pilot can help me figure out or navigate, even if we both don't know it, at least if we're 12 trying to get to an understanding of what we can get to the next level on, that we're doing it together. So uh co-pilot is a big thing. So I mean, at times you can be the lead, but at times the other person has to lead too.
SPEAKER_04:So yeah, I 200% agree. And and the reason why I say that, it kind of goes back to when I was saying that when I was going through my situation and he automatically wanted to provide something. Sometimes y'all need a fucking break. That's a lot to carry on your shoulders constantly, all the time, without a break, a mental space, nothing. So I I I totally agree with with the um the co-pilot scenario. You what do you think gender roles in are in a relationship?
SPEAKER_02:Uh like I said all the time. Gender roles and relationships depend on your relationship. I agree. It depends on your individual relationship. Like I agree with McFly. Like, I'm not I'm not the best at everything. She's better than some shit, I'm better in. And I I have the knowledge to know, hey, I'm not good. She knows what the fuck you're talking about. I don't. I'm gonna just take what she worded, well, I'm gonna take what she says as Bible because she knows more about it than I do. And then how it turned out, it turned out. Maybe we can both learn. Like, so I think you like I said, it's it's like it's like that whole bullshit. Nothing's never 50-50.
SPEAKER_00:I agree.
SPEAKER_02:Nothing's never 50-50. And in in in relationship, there's areas that you gotta get more, and other and other in in other areas where your partner got to get more. And it's just it's the imbalances. You guys can work together, like you said, that's the copy. You work together because where I fall, she picks me up, and where she falls, I pick her up. And it ain't gonna, um she's not gonna fall at to 50% of the of the fall diamonds all the goddamn time. Sometimes I gotta pick her ass up at 10%. It ain't the same. So it's like it the dynamic is it's really on an individual basis of where you are, where each individual person are. Because you a lot of people, and the thing, a lot of people are making these assumptions and saying things about people that ain't fucking healed. So you got you can't, and it's it's kind of hard to be a good person when you're not even fucking healed yourself.
SPEAKER_04:Touche.
SPEAKER_02:Because you're a lot of people don't have the wherewithal to circumvent their trauma to actually see what's going on. So a lot of times your trauma and your and what you're going through is always gonna be at the forefront. So you're not gonna be able to, a lot of people can't see past their own shit to see what the other person's actually going through.
SPEAKER_04:I concur.
SPEAKER_02:So you can't, there is no, there is no right or wrong answer in this.
unknown:Right?
SPEAKER_02:It depends on the each situation, each situation.
SPEAKER_04:Write this shit down because I agree with you, and that's a rare thing. Kevin.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's gender rules or whatever you're making your household.
SPEAKER_02:No, nigga, say something controversial.
SPEAKER_01:It's whatever you make in your household.
SPEAKER_04:I'll say something controversial.
SPEAKER_05:Then just say something controversial.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, some controversial. Yeah, it's like you started with that. That's everybody's house is different. You can't base a gender role off of society's gender roles. That's dumb.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I definitely agree. Do you guys think that um how do finances influence the gender expectation?
SPEAKER_02:Am I working or is she working? Yeah, that'll be a good one. I mean, if she's providing all the finances, I don't care. I'm cooking, cleaning.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yeah, I think I stay at home dad. Because I got time. I got time.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. I would, I said, uh, I guess some cooking and cleaning. And she when she needs dick, I guess dicks are readily available all day, every day.
SPEAKER_02:She's waking up at 2 in the morning. You need some dick.
SPEAKER_05:All right, I guess I let me get on. I gotta do what I gotta do.
SPEAKER_04:And if I had a husband that was gonna cook and clean in X, Y, and Z, I'd be cool with the dick and staying home. I'm not even gonna hold you because honestly, I don't, I think society puts too much of an expectation on people that people just take out in what society is saying instead of building their own body home. Ain't no your fucking business. Who paid my damn light bill? It got paid. Don't matter if it was him or me, it got paid. Like it doesn't matter. And I think people taking in too much of what they see online wanted to mirror that, and that's be the big, the major issue in relationships. Me, that's me personally. Because I know some woman somewhere gonna see this and be like, bitch, you let that nigga sit at home? Yeah, if he's cooking and cleaning, he did his part. That's you would want that. If he's cooking, he's cleaning.
SPEAKER_02:That's like stepmen don't exist.
SPEAKER_04:Shit, nigga, I forgot about that nigga Stepman.
SPEAKER_02:See, and he's living a great life. Dropping, dropping off dick when Oprah wrote it.
SPEAKER_04:And he ain't gotta drop off much because it's the way she operates, she picking up what Gail putting in.
SPEAKER_02:That's what I'm saying. He only dropping off when Gail in town. That's it. Shit, it's really a great life.
SPEAKER_01:Shit. That was one of the best Dave Chappelle skills. So you're saying he's a munch?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Oh my God. Anyways, Kevin, what do you how do you feel about financial um the influence of finances in in the gender role expectation?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, that's yeah, like you said, it's what whoever's making the most. I mean, I don't think that you can put a gender on that. Like it's however the house goes and that. And there's people who are making the most and still want to do that shit. It's just it literally is however the fuck you want your house to run. Yeah. You have to not worry about what other people say about your fucking house. Yeah. Like that's it. Because there's powerful women out there who are like, I still want to come home and cook and clean. That's just what I want to do. And like, I don't give a fuck what anybody says. Vice versa, or whatever. So whatever your house you want your house to be. You want peace. So make your house peaceful.
SPEAKER_04:Your house peaceful, yeah. So how do you feel? Or no, I'm sorry, let me go back one. In your own particular relationship, do you feel pressured to act a certain way because of your gender? That's what it says. Pressure? Yeah.
unknown:No.
SPEAKER_04:Do you feel like I have to be the man? I have to.
SPEAKER_05:Nah. I feel like society expects that. But uh I agree. And I can feel the pressure of that being trying to force, but I I don't look at it and say that's what it's supposed to be.
SPEAKER_02:The only pressure I feel is being the best dad I can. That's the only pressure I feel. I love that. Because I don't want to fuck up her. I don't want her to uh uh grow up and be on a pole with daddy issues.
SPEAKER_04:That's my well, I mean it's better said you don't want to give your daughter a childhood she has to heal from.
SPEAKER_01:It's not even like exactly that too, it's more like uh I want the expectation of a man for them when they grow up to be not bullshit. Yeah, yes, like okay, you gotta live up to this. So that's what I I think it's that's the only pressure, and it's put on myself.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I'm trying to raise I want my drive back that that girl I saw on uh um on Instagram. She was like, Oh, you don't want to uh take me out? Don't worry, my daddy will.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02:You don't want to buy me something, don't worry, my daddy will. Well, you damn right, baby. What you want?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I love that. I think that's a that's an excellent quality that you have as a parent. Um, a lot of women need that, and you can tell who didn't have it and who hasn't healed from not having it of how they treat men. And that's just this why the women don't like me. This is why they keep saying I'm a nigga. Because, but that's how I think. And and it's and it's been my life experience. My dad wasn't involved. I fuck with every nigga that had a little piece of bullshit that he had until I decided that I was not gonna be no bullshit ass bitch no more. So I'm gonna go get myself healed so that when I do try to love somebody, I'm coming in a healthy space. So I do think you know that makes it now. In my particular marriage, I feel pressured to be the nigga because but I'm but I'm literally doing both parts. Like there is no break for me, and I don't have an opportunity to like live in my femininity and express my softer side because everything has to be hard. I have to always think about how things are gonna get done, how the bills are gonna get paid. Hell, sometimes what's gonna happen with your son? You know what I mean? So there's never a break for me. So I do feel like I'm stuck in between really wanting to be, because by the time I do all that, I'm not sexy, I'm not soft, I'm not none of that shit because I'm fucking tired. But so I feel stuck in the more of the more masculine role because I am doing every motherfucking thing that I the nigga. The one thing I've learned the hard way.
SPEAKER_02:You put the lingerie on, cuz the one thing I learned the hard way, and this this applies to life. Never start some shit you don't want to maintain. Yes. Because eventually that shit is just gonna become a chore, and you're gonna hate every time you gotta fucking do it.
SPEAKER_04:Right, but like I keep telling y'all, this is my fault. And then that's what I'm saying. You start some shit you don't want to maintain, and that's legitimately what I did that, like legitimately straight up. This was never given to me in a way that I thought that he was gonna be a provider, he was gonna do this, he was gonna do that. Now, did he try? Yes, he did. I'm not gonna hold that nigga like he did not fucking try. But I knew what it was and I still went forward, so it's my fault. Uh it ain't my fault. Oh gosh, you find a ghetto moment in everything in everything that you do. How does family and cultural background shape the views of gender roles? I I don't know the answer to this one because I'm I just know nigga shit. What'd you say again? How does family and cultural background shape the views of gender roles?
SPEAKER_01:Um I guess just the way you're raised and how you see the women in your or I guess even the the men women and women, men and women how they react to each other. Like I guess a lot with our culture, you see a lot of the like we'll go with like just holidays, like who's doing what? Like it's mostly women and shit doing all the cooking and all that type of stuff. So I guess you grow up thinking it's that way, and then being then the bachelor taught me about cooking and stuff like that, and then I don't know. I think I for me it was that, but then I just kind of like changed my own shit to be how I wanted to. So I don't know. I guess I kind of just went away from that, but it's just from what you grow up and seeing. That's I don't know how else to put that.
SPEAKER_05:Like it's hard for me to say, but I I can say it was when you see different cultures and you see how they uh approach things, you can see where it uh it's vastly different from how you came up. But I I was so used to um just me and my dad doing shit growing up that now like when I look at things now I realize a lot of shit that I'm used to is way different than what the norm is. And I do I do think it has a bit it does play a big role in how I I approach a relationship and understanding like that I think in every culture though is is it is a weird expectation of the man to be the the kind of steering ship of uh like for example holidays. If anything's gonna happen on a holiday, w regardless of which side of the house uh or family, rather, it's expected on me to make sure that I'm getting in there. Um and like it's like okay, Andy's gonna be the one that gets to to the to their house, the in-laws house, then this house, and then it's just it's a lot for me.
SPEAKER_04:I never even thought of that, of how that would be.
SPEAKER_05:Because that's my brain every time the rel like the holidays come up, it's like alright, I'm already in my mind processing how much time we're spending at this household and this household and the fairness, and it kind of seems solely kind of put on my shoulders to figure out that's a lot of pressure.
SPEAKER_04:I didn't never even think of of that aspect.
SPEAKER_05:Because you don't want to be, you don't want to take away from the other side and be like, oh, well, we only got to see our our grandkids for this long. You're like, that's that's yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I never thought of that. I we don't have that issue because my husband's family, um, he's mostly with my family. So I I never I thought of the pressure that that would put on a on a person. I personally don't think black men and black women are raised to get along that well all the time. And the reason I say that is because black women are, and I'm telling you this from a black woman's perspective, we we're told constantly, you don't need a nigga, you don't need a man for nothing, you got this, figure out how to do it by yourself. So we automatically be out there trying to do it on our own. So even when a man comes in, remember I told you last episode about a boyfriend that I had and he kept trying to put me on. That man was a motherfucking leader, and I could not shut the fuck up and take leadership for shit. Still can't shut up. That's the fuck I can. Shut the fuck up. Thank you. But I couldn't, I couldn't take his leadership for shit because it it felt foreign. I felt nervous because I felt like, oh my god, like I'm not in control. What if he takes control and it and it goes a different way? Like, I couldn't take that. And then men, it's glorified for black men to have multiple women. It's very the you three are not the norm. Although there's a lot of-Cause I ain't got multiple women. You ain't got multiple women, nigga. You love that lady and you do the right thing by her, quit playing. The real one, she got 10 personnel. Let McFly ask me his question.
SPEAKER_05:The realization you had um about him being a leader, when did you come to that realization?
SPEAKER_04:When I got the very next nigga. And did you ever reach out to him to I have apologized to him for the way that I treated him, absolutely, because he deserved it.
SPEAKER_05:And what was the response?
SPEAKER_04:He deserved the apology or the treatment? He said, I'm not upset with you. I knew that you didn't know. And I just respect the fact that you even had enough guts to tell me sorry.
SPEAKER_02:That's what's up.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. He uh I'm I actually am.
SPEAKER_02:I bet you he didn't argue with you, and he just got quiet.
SPEAKER_04:Never. He never argued with me. I was allowed arguing with you. But I will tell y'all, and I say this all the time, I'm not gonna lie to y'all up here because at the end of the day, I'm not gonna lie to women and tell them that all you niggas is fucked up and we perfect, because that's not the truth. I I know that I'll be coming off kind of hard sometimes to people, but I but my intention is to let you know that they will lie to your ass on the internet, but I'm gonna give you what's real. I'm not always perfect. I done fucked up a lot. Even in the current marriage that I'm in. I've I've fucked up a lot. You're just human. I'm human, but I'm but I'm honest. And that particular man was the last time I really was with anybody, and they were like a hundred percent a leader. Like he was a fucking leader in every aspect, and I just didn't like he for it, just to give you like some contents, he drives truck and he kept telling me, Um, why don't you get your license? Let's drive the truck and for a year and we'll make the money together and we'll buy a house. And I was like, Drive a truck? Why the fuck would I do that? I don't want to drive the truck. And I really wasn't doing shit with my life. Like I was working at a fucking warehouse, so I really wasn't doing shit with my life. Wasn't like I was on like my own dreams or anything like that. I was literally going to fucking work at Amazon. That man done bought a house. I think he's getting ready to buy his second house. He because he had a plan and he executed it. And I would not follow that plan for shit. I didn't trust it. But I didn't have a plan. So how dare I not trust somebody who's showing up with a plan? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I got a lot. The problem is a lot of a lot of single single mothers raise their kids with a trauma. They pass down their trauma with their kids.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'm not even uh because even I'm not even mad at you for that. That's real.
SPEAKER_02:In my marriage relationship, my my wife pretty much came from being raised by her mother in single home. And I came from a two-parent dynamic. And I I say, look here, I don't know what you went through, but that's not how that should go here.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I know what you used to ain't what I'm used to.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. So it, I mean, it took her a while to come around, but you came around. It definitely comes from a single single mom aspect because I was raised by a single mom, but also let's not negate the fact that the fathers that are not there are also part of the problem. Not to say they weren't. No, I'm just saying, I'm I'm just saying they're also part of the problem. I and I'm not blaming either one of my parents for who I am today because the trauma was given to me, but the healing was my responsibility, so I made sure that I took care of that part. That's not nothing that I do at this point has anything that is their fault. However, the groundwork was laid by them two niggas. And that's and that's just what the real truth is. And you're you're absolutely correct. Single moms are pouring their trauma onto their children. Now, I'm not saying some. I ain't gonna say I'm not bashing all you single women because I know I have some friends that are single moms that are fucking phenomenal parents. Phenomenal parents. And I I aspire to even be like some of them whenever I do have children myself, but I can see where there is an issue where there are women that pour their trauma onto their children. Kevin, do you have anything?
SPEAKER_00:No, no, you want to share your.
SPEAKER_05:When you say it to my mind, I feel like I always need to clarify in my mind, because like in my brain, I'll be like, I'm trying to do good, but I'm so fucked up that trying to do good, you know more than than all the motherfuckers ain't even trying.
SPEAKER_04:Hello. And that's not to compare you to others, it's just the reality.
SPEAKER_05:I was just saying, like, I when you say it always runs to my mind, like I'm trying, but you got three kids you see every day.
SPEAKER_02:I know a motherfucker with six, they don't never see none of them.
SPEAKER_04:Not one of them. Oh, no day. I don't know that.
SPEAKER_02:Your kids call you daddy. I know I know motherfuckers with kids call by their first name.
SPEAKER_04:Your children have a home that they can grow up in, and that's because of you.
SPEAKER_02:Your kids got health care.
SPEAKER_04:Hello.
SPEAKER_02:And then I can make a long ass list of shit. Your kids got the other kids don't got.
SPEAKER_04:They got health care and they didn't come out of my house.
SPEAKER_02:They sleep in beds in a house.
SPEAKER_04:Texas.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Well, they they should.
SPEAKER_02:They have the option.
SPEAKER_05:They should.
SPEAKER_04:Your kids don't sleep in their beds, Hayden either. He likes to kids don't do that. We bought you this nice ass bunk bed getting to bed.
SPEAKER_05:Andreas rather sleep on a goddamn beanbag. We have this big ass beanbag in the loft. You rather sleep on that, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Hayden likes his earbed, which is so crazy because it's like you got a nice bung bed, nice mattress. My dog blow this up.
SPEAKER_05:And the whole wake up, I I got a headache or my neck hurts. No shit.
SPEAKER_02:You all right, nigga?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Be quiet over there.
SPEAKER_01:I am. Think about some shit? A little bit, but I'm good. Are you okay? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I think you want to cry.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not gonna cry, nigga. I'm not in that mode. Now this is a safe place, Kevin. It's very safe. You're at home. You can cry. I know. I know. I don't do that.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, Kevin, you answer this one first for me then. How do gender roles play out when it comes to emotional expression communication?
SPEAKER_01:Gender roles come out in emotional expression. Uh for me, I'm working on that a lot more, being more open with my emotions and uh how I feel with things. Uh it's it's trying sometimes because I'm learning to not say everything that bothers me. That's the hard part. But it's like the balance. Um it's worked out. I think it's been better just because it's easier for her when I'm more open. If that makes any sense.
SPEAKER_02:Do you ever think about what you're gonna say? Like, I don't want to argue about this, I'm just not gonna say it.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes. Yes. We've we had a discussion the other day, and she didn't want to say it was an argument. And I was like, This is an argument. Was it a calm argument? But yeah, it was calm, but I'm like, it's yeah, but I think in her head, she hears argument and thinks we should be yelling, and I'm like, we're not agreeing at all. Yeah, like this is not but it's been I think doing that has made it easier for her to like express. So it's like you said, if you create a space that's healthy and safe, then it's I feel like I went through a whole like a long process of always just kind of letting shit slide or trying to not trying to figure out how to just get through with like all right, I don't want to rock the boat.
SPEAKER_05:And then eventually you hit a point to where you trip over the rug that you've been sweeping shit under. Yeah. And you're like, I can't. Yeah, there's a pile under there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Now you've got a a four foot of dust bunnies.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, now you now you're uh letting off all the shit that that bother you for so long because you so like that's where I think it's that gender role shit gets fucked up when you try to go in that route. Because it's like both people have to put their fucking full foot forward.
SPEAKER_02:Both people gotta be first gotta be mature enough for to understand it. That's that's that's maturity is where it starts.
SPEAKER_04:It it definitely in in in healing, because if you fucked up, you fucked up. I but I think a lot of times, in my perspective, in my experience, a lot of times I'm usually with people that don't say enough and I say too much. Like I need to not, I I've been working on not uh having the need to address every little thing because I will once you get me mad, baby, I'm finna address it all. But who the fuck wants to hear that all damn day? Oh, I should get you mad. Oh, you do a great job. Okay, I don't want to be able to do that. You do a fabulous, you do a footing um malicious.
SPEAKER_05:Is there a better approach for uh people out there listening? Is there a better approach, and you can comment or whatever below of how you approach your significant other with uh an issue you're having? Because I'll say right now, as a man, if I hear we need to talk, it triggers you, it triggers me and it shuts me down because I'm like, that's not doesn't sound like you're starting off on the right foot, and it's gonna be some bad shit that comes afterwards.
SPEAKER_04:But I I why do I need to tell you we need to talk? Why when we're in a cool space and we're not beefing, why can't I just say, hey, you know, I just want to bring this the attention real quick.
SPEAKER_02:That might trigger. See, that's another way of saying we need to talk.
SPEAKER_04:Well then it then it then it just depends on well, but but we need to talk is is usually followed by a a space of time and then you deal with it later. But if I just say, hey, well, you know, while we in a cool space, because we'll be talking while we're mad, we're gonna argue. But hey, while we in a cool space, let me holla at you real quick. I want to just talk to you. My only thing is to bring this to your attention.
SPEAKER_02:You can say when you talk to me, I just let me get in the door. Like, let me like don't don't say it as soon as I get in the door. Let me let me let me have like an hour or two at home, and then don't don't let me just walk in from work, they done pissed me off and say, but they said because now you're finna get all the smoke I have for them at the same time what I got for you because I ain't decompressed yet. You know what? Because you saw me sit in the car and you text me coming the house. Like I was trying to get that shit off my chest outside, you know. So I think that's that's what it is. But yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It probably depends on the person too, because it doesn't fucking matter when I tell my husband I need to talk to him. That nigga does not want to fucking talk about it. But that's you have to know what type of um argument style your person has. That's but that's true.
SPEAKER_02:But you also gotta be mature enough to understand that you hard conversations, difficult conversations are a part of life, and you're gonna have you never gonna be ready for a difficult conversation. You still gotta have the motherfucker.
SPEAKER_04:That's very true.
SPEAKER_02:And I learned that shit when I had to bury my grandparents, and I'm sitting there mourning and I and I'm discussing funeral plans. Yeah, I don't want to talk about this shit.
SPEAKER_04:Exactly. That's very true.
SPEAKER_01:I think the key to all of this shit, and what it sounds like is a lot of motherfuckers is with people they don't know. Exactly.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, no, dead ass. And they won't even clock that to you, baby.
SPEAKER_01:But they won't take the time, though. You're not clocking it. Oh sorry, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:You gotta take the time beforehand, though, because in my case, I'm already I'm already we'll be married six years in April. Baby, I don't want to deal with this shit no more. Like it's and both people have to be willing to try because at one point I was 100% ready, willing to try. Let's go to therapy, let's figure it out, let's do it. Because I didn't want to lose my husband, but this nigga wasn't willing to try. And now that I'm like, fuck this, he like, well, let's just figure it out.
SPEAKER_01:No, it's too late. Like, I put everything out.
SPEAKER_04:No, cuz we could have been figured this out. I'd have poured everything in my cup into you, nigga. I don't have nothing for therapy shit.
SPEAKER_02:I always say, I think what's important for me, what I've learned, is that you have to learn how your partner communicates. Because you're not gonna grow at the same pace. Yeah, you're not gonna be in the same mental place except, but you got like as long as you know how to communicate and you know how to convey what needs to be said, and you know how to receive what they're saying to you, because everything, you know, like my wife knows everything I say in hostile, no matter how I say it. So sometimes she some she is a woman, sometimes she gets in her feelings. Well, I don't like the way you said it, but I understand what you're saying. So like sometimes I try to be mindful of what I say, but sometimes, you know, when you pissed off, you just getting it's just flying off the chest. Like it's I I'm I'm not I'm not in the place to say something to you softly right now. I'm saying like this is urgent, right? So like we have the discernment in our relationship to navigate how we communicate with each other, and I think we've done a better job of that. And I think that's what people need to do. You need to understand how to talk to your person. Yes, everybody can't everybody can't talk when they're tired, everybody can't talk if one person is turned up. Like you gotta learn how to have how to have that conversation, similar to what like what Kevin was saying. They had a conversation, they had an argument, but they weren't yelling, but there was still a conversation, everybody was heard. And and and and again, like when you don't agree, like I this me and my wife, we don't agree on a lot of things. And we just understand that, like I said before, we understand that we don't agree, but whatever the outcome or the convers the conversation may be, I'm still responsible for whatever decisions made, even I don't even agree.
SPEAKER_01:Although my least favorite phrase comes out in that that scenario. What's that? We can agree to disagree, like yeah, oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah, I don't know why that triggers me.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, you I usually hear my dad's voice when I I fuck up. What you mean? Like when you make a mistake and you fucked up and you're like, yeah, I fucked up, man. My dad's voice is there, and he's like, Oh yeah, like that. Yeah, you did.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, no grace on that. You're right. Yeah. But that's good though. Like that's that's uh that's having like a conscience, a balance, like something like inside of yourself to know, okay, I gotta I gotta do my part. Like a lot of motherfuckers don't want to do that part, that part. It's like it's always somebody else.
SPEAKER_02:But I also like but I also understand that like you may not like what I'm saying, but it's something I need to say. Yeah, right. And it's and if I'm not trying to be hurtful, I'm just I'm telling you, one thing I don't uh uh subscribe to is that I don't care, I can't, I I I care very little how you feel about how I feel because this is how I feel. Yeah, so I don't I can't, I'm not gonna take your feelings into account if they're gonna nullify my feelings. I can take into account how you feel about how I'm saying what I'm saying, but not about what I'm saying. I feel because that's my reality, and that's that's the level of maturity people gotta you gotta have understand.
SPEAKER_04:I don't have that level of maturity because when you just put it into perspective like that, like dead ass. That's something I need to, and I'm about to write that down because that's something I need to go back and work on my charge. That's the third thing. You might you might slice something to me, but the reason why I say that is because um I I'm low-key needs you to validate what I'm feeling. I want you to understand where the fuck I'm coming from, and when you don't, then that's when that's a problem.
SPEAKER_02:But there's a difference in validation and agreements.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I don't need you to necessarily agree. That's a difference, but I just want to be heard.
SPEAKER_02:So, like I can say, I can say, Des I understand you're mad. You're mad. I I see you're mad. That that's me validating you.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'm okay with that.
SPEAKER_02:I can say, I don't, but at the same time, I can say I don't give a fuck that you're mad. You might not you gotta say I might be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01:Sometimes there's I think there's a cup of uh that every household has to have that, like that shut the fuck up. Like there's sometimes it's like just sip the cup of shut the fuck up. Because sometimes you don't want to hear shit in the what the fuck I'm saying. I'm just telling you. Yeah, right now it's not a we're having this back and forth. I'm just telling you.
SPEAKER_02:And that's and that's to Kevin's point, that's something we do. I was like, hey, I need to talk. Okay, do you need to just say some shit? Yeah. And you want me to just listen to you? Or are you looking for feedback? Because if you just gotta get some shit off, I'll sit here and okay, I'm not gonna respond. Say what you gonna say, okay, and then we go our separate ways. That's because sometimes they just want to vent how they're feeling, and then and it could go like women do. They want to say some shit, drop the mic, walk away. So go ahead, drop your mic, walk away. I'll process this shit. And if I have something to say, uh then I'll come to you later. Because sometimes I'll be like, I'm gonna be like, bitch, what the f yeah, you just okay, calm down.
SPEAKER_01:Let me you gotta take the cup or shut the fuck up. Yeah, and just drink. All right, that's how she feels. All right. That's a learned process. That's hard.
SPEAKER_05:And I tend to do the the when things are being brought to me, especially if I'm involved, I tend to try to come up with the solution as it's happening. So when you're telling me, and then and I so my brain will go there, and I'm like, and I hit that realization real like recently, it's like, oh, you're just trying to soak in the problem. Yeah, and I'm like, and my brain's automatically, especially if I'm involved, and now I gotta think of the solution. My brain automatically goes in the solution.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, that's but the the hard part is to go, yeah. Okay, I'm listening.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but that like that to your point. I asked the question is this something you want me to figure out, or do you just want to do it off your chest? Yeah, because let me know because I'm like you. If you if you're coming to me with a problem as a man, my answer is okay, how do I fix this? Yeah, but if you don't want this to be fixed, you just trying to get off your chest, let me know. So I can say everybody, I'm like, I so now I could be the the the the girl at the cube next to you. Girl, you right.
SPEAKER_04:So uh so unfortunately, that's my mind does the same thing. I automatically start thinking of the damn solution. But I but my husband told me that that was part of the problem he has because I automatically think of the solution, but then he don't be coming with the solution, so I'm like, sir, did you just want nobody to have ass?
SPEAKER_02:But that's the thing you gotta understand. Some people don't want solutions, they just want to complain about the situation, but let them complain about situations.
SPEAKER_04:I don't smoke weed no more, and that's part of the problem because I don't be high. So nigga, when I be high, nigga, I don't give a fuck what the fuck you talk about. But nigga, I'm sober.
SPEAKER_05:My biggest thing is you can vent, but how long do you stay in the vent?
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Like, are we just gonna sit here or are we in the moment, yeah?
SPEAKER_02:The vent of the moment to me. Yeah, but like again, if if this is now, I'm gonna give you your grace, but this is like this is like the third or fourth time. Now we gotta do something about this shit. Cause now I'm tired of hearing about it. I can I can only clock it so many times. Yeah, the clock is broken.
SPEAKER_04:Well, I'm gonna tell you in that moment, but if you do it again, the same issue happens again. Now we're gonna have to revisit that. We've already talked about this, and I'm telling your ass again.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I want to point out that we do this shit on the fly because people will be like, oh, how many takes? And how no, we really do this shit in real time. So on the mick fly. The one take. All right, let's keep going.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, two more questions, y'all. Has social media changed how men and women are expected to behave in relationships?
SPEAKER_02:Not mine, not me, but to other people, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, to other people, absolutely. I uh the women think okay, first of all, and I'm I'm I'm going back to I'm going back to old girl who was telling a nigga she could take him to the cheesecake factory.
SPEAKER_02:I would see look here. I when I heard that when I heard that, I understood because I think Cheesecake Factory is not that great. I like Cheesecake. I would have rather gone to like I don't know.
unknown:I like it.
SPEAKER_04:The only restaurant I don't like is Apple Beast. I don't really like Apple Beast.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I want a Mimi is that.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I don't know what they have at Meme's. I've never been there, but I don't really like Apple Beast.
SPEAKER_02:I do like the bread at Cheesecake Factory.
SPEAKER_04:But I but if somebody's taking you on a date, find something you like there, bitch. Just eat an appetizer.
SPEAKER_02:But my thing is if if if you shouldn't complain about where you at, especially if it's the first day, because bitch, I don't know you.
SPEAKER_04:It's the first day he don't know you. You want a nigga to go broke taking you out. That's dumb as hell. Not to say that there isn't men that well, because I have dated men that have taken me some places and done took me some places.
SPEAKER_02:But see, I think I I think I I I just think different. But at the same time, my my I always tell people, you start off with you start the barlow and build that shit up.
SPEAKER_04:I don't see a problem with that. Why can't you guys go have a cup of coffee on the first day, go for a walk in the park?
SPEAKER_02:Because if you're because if you're just being there and you walking right into a la carte, I don't see the problem with that. And like I told y'all, if I take you to a la carte, that means you're doing some bending at the end of the night. So it's the a la fuck. I'll look fucked.
SPEAKER_04:I don't see the I don't see the problem with that though. I don't have I don't think that's the I I want to go, especially if I already know that I like you. I like something about you, I'm feeling you. I want to go where you at. We ain't gotta go break your pockets because we going on a date. And in all honesty, after we went on a few dates, I'm probably gonna be like, nah, let me take you on a date now.
SPEAKER_02:Speaking of breaking pockets, I fed a family of three at In N Out for$31.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:And we all got meals. I can't. If I go to Chipotle, I'll spend$70 at Chipotle.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my dude. Chipotle, get your shit together.
SPEAKER_01:They didn't get your shit. They charged you$71 and you paid the shit. And we ain't we ain't been back. Well, hold on.
SPEAKER_05:We ain't been back with Phoenix since. So the question was I took my family a two. You said social media dictating. Yeah. Yeah. I think it just acts you. I feel like entitlement. What is what black people start getting invested in title in your relationships. And that's shit I have an issue with.
SPEAKER_02:If I could tell you how many people have told my wife that I am no good for her and that I'm holding her back and that I'm a piece of shit. It's hilarious. Really? Yes. I make it a point. And then they DM the podcast thing and they're talking to my wife, and they talk, and I'm the one reading the fucking.
SPEAKER_04:It's you.
SPEAKER_02:And I just be laughing at them. Like, babe, look at this dumb nigga.
SPEAKER_04:And that's so crazy because I always say that you're that you guys are good together. Yeah. Oh wow. This is crazy as well.
SPEAKER_02:Be grown-ass men. Oh, that's why I could. Dirty Mac and me and the fucking thing. They dirty Mackin.
SPEAKER_05:That's what that is. But yeah, I the entitlement is how I change how I move altogether. Just because people get super entitled to your life and want and feel like they deserve things in the light. Nick, I don't know you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:So it's yeah, that that dictates how I move in social media. And then I when I ordinarily hear how people dictate how they treat other people in relationships based on what they hear on social media. Which is crazy. Which, and I usually always tell it's cap in a lot of situations because a lot of relationships that they they put so much investment. Into and saying that their life should be like them and they envy them is usually a false facade because no one's gonna tell you their bad things in the relationships that they're in. So you're sitting here praising them for having this awesome relationship that they're displaying on social media, which they get to edit and Photoshop and filter. And then the moment you find out that XYZ is going on over here and they're cheating, or they've gotten a divorce, or they're breaking up and all this, and you're like, oh, it turns out it wasn't what I thought it was that I was praising that I was telling my significant other they're less than. Now you've put them on a pedestal and for what? But people put so much of a fucking worth on that. Oh my god, they're doing this over there, we should be so much like them. And it's like that's cap. What's going on over there isn't real life, it's a filter and Photoshop in time to be able to upload what the fuck you want the world to see you as, but they'll put so much emphasis on that, and then it dictates your relationship. For what reason?
SPEAKER_02:I subscribe to the belief that the couples that are doing the best are the ones that don't post each other.
SPEAKER_04:That's a motherfucking lie. Because y'all don't know what the fuck my husband looks like. Because I I don't post that nigga.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I said that's my belief.
SPEAKER_04:I do not post that nigga.
SPEAKER_02:But I feel like the ones that are constantly posting each other, they're they're trying to tell, they're they're trying to believe the lie themselves. That's that's how I look at it. That's true. I do agree with okay. I agree with that.
SPEAKER_04:And I don't post him because and it's not I'm not being mean as to why I don't post him. I I stopped posting him and and Hayden whenever I started doing this because I didn't really want everybody to I don't post really anybody. Here and there you get my sister. But I was posting him, and people we went to high school with was adding this nigga. Y'all don't know this nigga. What the fuck is you adding him for?
SPEAKER_01:Because there's an extension of you, nigga.
SPEAKER_04:I I bitch, you don't talk to me.
SPEAKER_05:And then there's the you gotta worry about the nosy people that are looking for a reason to come in and and and at an angle to say, hey, you know she did this, right? You're like, what the fuck are you adding?
SPEAKER_04:Last time I talked to the bitch in 2003. Why are you adding this nigga?
SPEAKER_02:Like you will have people that will follow you just to hope and pray for your daughter.
SPEAKER_01:You know how many people I don't it's weird. Like, I went to a wedding in Michigan, didn't see a lot of these people. They're like, oh man, I see you guys on social media all the time and love seeing your relationship. And I'm like, I don't be posting shit. And they don't know Amanda, but they seen her post, and I'm like, that's crazy. Like, yeah, you ain't never met her a day in your life, and you watching this page.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. And I got tired of people telling me he looked like Nipsey Hussle. That shit drove me for me.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my bad. I shouldn't have said that.
SPEAKER_04:I'm cool with you. It's it's cool, but they'll get out of the post and then they'll be like, oh, he looks like Nipsey Hussle. It was already annoying because when Nipsey Hustle died, people would come up to him in the store asking stupid shit. Hey, what's gonna happen next with the marathon? How the fuck would he know, nigga? Move.
SPEAKER_02:I think they're doing a movie.
SPEAKER_04:He might get a he he probably he probably should get a little movie deal in his next relationship. He'd be cool with that bitch. I don't give a fuck. Uh yeah, he acted like he was wanting to be a husband.
SPEAKER_03:All right, okay, all right. We're not doing that. We're not we're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that.
SPEAKER_04:You set that nigga up.
SPEAKER_01:I would just curious. Leave him alone. Leave him alone. I was just curious if he had it because he wasn't even trying to throw us off. Yeah, she just said, I'm gonna hit that up.
SPEAKER_04:Last question.
SPEAKER_02:She said, You killing me, small.
SPEAKER_04:So she said last question. What do you think a gender neutral relationship looks like? And do you see yourself in one?
SPEAKER_05:I would hope to be in one.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I I'm cool with a gender-neutral relationship. I want what God wants for me.
SPEAKER_02:I'm the only one doing the bender.
SPEAKER_01:Not in that sense, nigga. I don't think that's what they meant.
SPEAKER_04:I I want what God wants for me. I I don't know. I if if if the next relationship I'm in is gender neutral, if if what does that mean? I I think that it just means that you both are leading, you both are following, you both are doing or you guys are playing an equal part, you both and you both are striving for having that. I don't see an issue with that. We don't live in a fucking economy like that for a nigga to have to pay for every motherfucking thing by his motherfucking self. Nigga, X is$52,000 a fucking car.
SPEAKER_02:The thing is, I could I can afford me and the wife. It's the kid that's the problem. If I can give her to the kid, we can do more stuff.
SPEAKER_04:I don't have children and still be having issues, so I don't know what the problem is.
SPEAKER_01:It don't matter. It don't matter. Yeah, nigga, I don't have kids and it's just still. Just find more shit. You're like, you don't spend the money on that.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, to me, it's the mutually beneficial part of knowing that you guys want best and the better for each other and and the whole.
SPEAKER_02:Go ahead. I'm already in that.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, so that's perfect. I can see what you're doing.
SPEAKER_02:You're just trying to get to the yams as soon as we leave here.
SPEAKER_04:All right, so uh this has been episode another great episode of the Heavyweight Podcast. As always, I'm I'm tired, okay?
SPEAKER_05:Fuck them haters.
SPEAKER_04:Fuck the haters. Like, subscribe, share, comment.
SPEAKER_01:And get to the yams. Get some dishes.
SPEAKER_04:Sweet. Yams.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, nigga, go wash some dishes every once in a while.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, go watch some dishes. Buy some flowers, guys. I don't know. I don't know if I'm the only girl like this, but I don't buy flowers.
SPEAKER_05:I buy flowers. Yeah, I've seen what happens with flowers, but I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Who cares? I saw a man yesterday and he's on my he's on my timeline. You should go watch him. But he literally said buy the girl flowers because in that moment you made her feel good and you made her smile. They don't even cost that fucking much. My husband won't, he'll buy me flowers when he fuck up. That's it.
SPEAKER_01:The the I'm gonna tell you niggas, buy two sets of flowers. And then like you gotta like bouquet them up so you make them even look even more.
SPEAKER_04:Flowers is cheap as fucking Trader Joe's. I buy myself flowers every week. Cheap as fucking Trader Joe's.
SPEAKER_01:Don't buy one, buy two.
SPEAKER_04:I love plants. I'll buy it.
SPEAKER_01:You get the roses, flowers, and then you get the fall festive, and then you mix it. How much have you fucked up this week? Did you learn this out?
SPEAKER_04:With the fall festive and shit.
SPEAKER_01:I didn't fucking, I'll just be doing it. I just be doing it.
SPEAKER_04:Anyways, thanks for watching everyone.
SPEAKER_02:This nigga said that you gotta get the one flower from here. You're gonna do it when you put them together.
SPEAKER_05:Have like a plastic bouquet or something.
SPEAKER_04:No, you mix them. Bring me a Dollar Tree card. I'm gonna be happy with that too. With the little with a little sweet, I just cards that I've had my whole life, like since I was like.
SPEAKER_05:What if I get a piece of construction paper and fold it and say hi?
SPEAKER_04:I'd love it. I'd love it. The thought, the thought is for me, I cannot speak for other women, but I'm one that the thought really does matter. I don't be looking for no rich nigga, I don't be looking for a nigga to break his pockets, I don't be looking at it.
SPEAKER_01:I'll be looking for someone who He's gonna write a card that says what up, nigga. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:And what's because of how horrible my penmanship is, if if I ever do that for a woman and she opens that up, they're gonna be like, oh, so uh you reached out for to some special needs kids. That's cool. Not the special needs kids. Oh, you just scribbled.
SPEAKER_04:We're gonna go ahead. We're gonna go ahead and wrap it up before we before we get canceled.
SPEAKER_01:What the fuck is it? We canceled twice. My bad. My bad. What did I say? Better wife shit earlier. That's rip, you know. That's that's how make sure you click like, subscribe. We're on the off-room platform. Until next time. Well high at you.
