The Heavyweight Collective
Welcome to *The Heavyweight Collective*, where every week, a dynamic group of four—“this lady and these three guys”—come together to discuss a wide range of topics that both warm the heart and nourish the soul. The Heavyweight Collective brings together four unique individuals, each with their own perspective, to engage in open and honest conversations about real-life situations. Whether you're in need of a good laugh to release some tension or you're seeking real answers to life’s tough questions, tune in to *The Heavyweight Collective* Whatever you're looking for, you’ll find it here.
The Heavyweight Collective
The Roster
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This week, we’re talking about what it means to grow—and what you sometimes have to let go of in the process. From family tension to shifting friendships, we open up about clearing space for peace and growth.
We also get into the conversations Black men don’t have enough—about emotional boundaries, friendship breakups, and how to stop suffering in silence.
Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
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Introducing the Heavyweight Podcast
Speaker 1Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.
Speaker 2The message behind saying the title of the Heavyweight Podcast is to be able to say that we can weigh in on some heavy shit. What we're talking about is important from every aspect of it. It's a heavy weight. It's not just about physical weight, but the weight of things that can weigh our minds. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation.
Speaker 1Ready? My bad? No, we, I mean we rolling. Fuck it. We in here. I'm good like this. Do I look goofy? So what?
Speaker 3Do you look goofy, nigga? You're wearing an Eagle hat.
Speaker 1Stop man.
Speaker 3Dodger blue nigga.
Speaker 1Hey let's go.
Speaker 2What? What's good? This is episode 215 of the heavyweight podcast I'm your anti-social host, stutter mcfly, back again with these two guys. Go ahead, stick your name for the beautiful people out, chill she's boring, positively looking for cocaine because I need energy I, I could get you some cocaine.
Speaker 3Hell of a drug, yeah get you some this nigga wouldn't know where they at.
Speaker 1I guess I'll be Uncle Slime today.
Speaker 3Uncle Slime huh, and y'all already know who it is it's your girl, des, the motherfucking diva. Shout out Des, shout out Des how were your weeks?
Speaker 1Des-less what'd you say? What'd? He say Des-less he just ain't shit he keep taking shots, yeah you gonna have a. She got a bazooka coming for you ah it was cool, man, just work.
Speaker 3I was out there by myself, somebody was on vacation, so they kept asking me about him and I said look, if you can't call him, that means you don't need to know. So stop asking me shit. You don't need to know. I can only speak for me.
Speaker 2They're talking about me.
Speaker 3But I'm pretty sure he would say fuck this place too. Yeah, I think he's talking about you, you mean these niggas.
Speaker 2Don't talk to me these niggas ain't your friends that's why every time I see I say this nigga does different videos of the same song, and each time I share that shit because I can relate. Do they talk about you?
Speaker 3I gotta find something like that Because I can relate Do they talk about you? I gotta find something like that.
Speaker 1You only come around when you win. My week was good. My week was good, was it? Yeah, it was good Okay.
Speaker 3That's all I got.
Speaker 2Did you rock?
Speaker 1one leg sleeve up. No, I didn't go with the leg sleeve this week.
Speaker 2When you were alone in your room did you stare at the wall?
Speaker 1I went with the bandaid though. Yeah yeah, I took it to Nellyville.
Speaker 3How's it, uh, how's life without your radio?
Speaker 1I can't live without it, do you?
Speaker 2rock the bells.
Speaker 1Yeah, you know, I get text messages from LL Cool J, do you? Yeah, I signed up for something on accident.
Speaker 2Is that where he's at now?
Speaker 1I keep getting these 917 messages and I'm like, oh, that's LL, are you?
Speaker 2Can you confirm he licks the lips as he sends a text message? I don't know if I should ask.
Speaker 3Are you guys still stalking O'Girl From the?
Speaker 1Hey Lover video. Oh, I was like wait what?
Speaker 2That's a touchy subject around here, hey love.
Speaker 3He was stalking us.
Speaker 2Yeah, it was a stalker song.
Speaker 1Wasn't Nas stalking somebody too when he was sitting in his car? Snuck down low with a window up.
Speaker 3I don't pay attention to Nas.
Speaker 1I was like that's no creepy Nas.
Speaker 2This nigga watched you at the bus stop.
Speaker 3I'm on the first place. He's hard though what's that?
Speaker 1oh, I thought y'all was talking about this is more than a crush.
Speaker 2It's called stalking.
Speaker 1That's a charge, brother when she was on CSI. In CSI, yeah, how about you?
Speaker 3he was the first black man to survive a horror movie was that a horror movie?
Speaker 2the shark, yeah. Is it?
Speaker 1cause his head's like a shark's fin his head's like a shark fin his head is like a shark's fin nah deepest bluest nah his head's a shark fin. You remember when he had that side, my head is like a shark's fin.
Speaker 3Nah, Deepest bluest Nah. Nah, his head is more like that of a manatee. What he was doing, this shit Head is like a shark's fin. He's more like a manatee, oh shit.
Speaker 2How was your week? It was chill. I didn't have to be at work.
Speaker 3Yeah man, stop flexing, on niggas, hey man flex, fuck it.
Speaker 2Well, the funny thing, I was going to cancel my vacation.
Speaker 3They wouldn't let me Five weeks out.
Speaker 2Yeah, you have to be five weeks ahead All of a sudden To cancel. So I was like, fuck it, I'll just take it. That's kind of.
Speaker 1Pause.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's five To cancel it.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3Oh.
Speaker 1That's yeah.
Speaker 2We're the only job where now they don't want niggas to work. Apparently they paid us too much money and now they want us out of work. So they're trying to run the fucking company into the ground.
Speaker 1They don't want us to work Until the packages sales. Winter hits, oh no.
Speaker 3It ain't winter, nigga. It starts in October. People don't understand it starts in October. People start buying and ordering shit for Black Friday in October now.
Speaker 1My sister told me they go from sixes to sevens in their 12 hours and I was like God damn, seven, twelves.
Speaker 3Something like that. That's illegal.
Speaker 2Or it might be 612s 612s that's okay, she's doing 612s that's risky because if they don't yeah yeah, hey it's risky, risky business it's amazon.
Speaker 3They know what they do it's gonna fuck around me a lot of call offs oh yeah, that's too much overtime. I'm like I'll take it they just like ask me how much I work. Uh, I now work 44 hours or less a week they don't like that shit that's how you do it. Don't worry about it. They don't like that shit why they were so drunk.
Speaker 2They drop a dime on that, nigga huh why they work a lot they work that. They're on that nigga huh.
Speaker 1Why they work a lot.
Speaker 2They're niggas that are killing themselves for 60 hours a week and you be like I'm good, it ain't worth it yeah. And a lot of them don't know that working to the max don't mean you make that much more.
Speaker 3Don't you get taxed more? You get taxed. You gross more than I do, but I bring home more than you do.
Speaker 2Damn play yourself. Did I tell you about the one guy that was nosy about why I was leaving home early one day and then, like he went out of his way to be super nice to me and I just stared at him yeah. Yeah, he was just like oh man, what's up man? I just looked at him I he was like oh man, what's up man? I'm not saying his name.
Speaker 3Can I say it?
Speaker 2Go ahead. I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it.
Speaker 3I'm not going to give him the. You sell it, motherfucker.
Speaker 2Ha ha, I get it. Well, played, Play on his name, but anywho, I guess we'll get into the shenanigans.
Speaker 3You're going to make a shenanigans One time. You're going shenanigan, I knew it was coming, Paul Whoa.
Outgrowing People and Situations
Speaker 2Whoa so with realizations in life. We've touched on this before, but I think you got to reiterate things sometimes. Sometimes you just outgrow situations, people, scenarios, et cetera. So this is what that is motivated by. What does it mean for you to clear your circle as you get older?
Speaker 3Peace of mind and I think a lot of times people are confused clearing your circle with not letting anyone in. I do think that there comes these rare occasions where life brings you together with someone who actually has value to you and you bring them into your circle, because I feel like I've met people at different stages of my life that have been solid. And if I had I mean, god knows, if I had the same friend group at 25 I did today, I probably wouldn't be wearing bidet.
Speaker 2So yeah, it do be facts.
Speaker 1Kevin, I think it more. For me, it'll be putting me at the center of things first, not necessarily.
Speaker 3That's fucked up, nigga. Can't nobody see over you, you tall nigga?
Speaker 1I don't think it's like trimming nothing, it's just more focusing on myself and the outcome.
Speaker 3And just let the cards fall where they may. What you mean, like you, focus on yourself and let the rest of the cards fall.
Speaker 1No, no, no, but I usually put more of my self-focus on others than myself first. Oh okay, so put myself a little more first. So I think, like I don't think that changed my circle, it just changed a little bit of how I do things, I guess.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 1If that makes sense.
Speaker 2All right, I look at it like a clearing of a cachet, yeah.
Speaker 3Like a web browser. Yeah, sometimes you gotta do it Like sometimes you just gotta do it, man. I mean, and it's really not that hard, honestly, when you think about it, when you just stop reaching out to people.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think it's more like that too. It's like certain things you call on people and you're like I'm just talking, this motherfucker.
Speaker 2The realization I noticed is, like, with doing stuff like the gym, you realize very quickly the frame of mind and then you'll be like, damn like, because somebody will tell you, oh man, I'm trying to, I'm serious about this shit too, and you're like, we're cool, like, and the situation will come up to where you get the opportunity to see how serious they are and then, you start realizing in those moments this nigga approaches everything in life like that, and then you start getting a bigger realization.
Speaker 2It's like we're really different, like, like, like. Then it just compounds and compounds before you realize it. It kind of does its own thing by itself because they realize it. On the other end, this nigga's way different than me, he's serious and I'm not. And then they start you become a reflection of what they're not. So they don't want to come talk to you. They don't want to hang out with you because they realize you doing something and they're pretending to.
Speaker 3Don't want to hang out with you because they realize you doing something and they're pretending to. So that's funny. So this is uh, this is a young lady that uh, we always talk to in the gym and uh, her and my wife talk and like I call them tether boxes, so when they, when I'm there with my wife, she will purposely not talk to my wife I'm not around when I'm when I'm around, because she know I'm gonna say, hey, cut that shit out. We got places to go, like we had to get to work. So she literally told me the other day he's like, uh, I was walking out, she's like that's why I talked to your wife today for 15 minutes because you weren't around. And I said, well, this is why your lips are trash because you're talking and I've been networking wait a minute.
Speaker 2So is she like challenging you?
Speaker 3no, no, I told her to try.
Speaker 2No, I'm talking about when she told you I talked to her no no, she was being. Oh, okay, I was gonna say hey, hey hey, back up no, she, no, she.
Speaker 1Good people. He found the opportunity to be mean yeah yeah, I did.
Speaker 3Your lips ain't shit no, she good people, it's just. It's just that it's like it made me think about that, because it's like I do feel like the gym is the one place where, like, when you go to the gym, you get it Like the gym people because like, obviously she talked, but she bought that life, she mini swole. You know what I'm saying. So it's like the gym is that one place where I feel like you. I think it's a lot. It's weird because when you lock in at the gym it's a lot easier to find with people that's locked in and then you start building these unconscious. I don't want to call them friendships, but you know.
Speaker 2More of a.
Speaker 3Like situations type.
Speaker 2Bonding, yeah, yeah, more bond, yeah.
Speaker 3Because now you guys start talking about different workouts and shit like that yeah you got a commonality, yeah and then. But I've also seen to where that shit starts to extend outside the yeah, that can happen, good people.
Speaker 1Yeah, I hate to bring that, but that made me think about when we went to this game. It was weird to watch these kids walk into the football game and that you know how you got to get for football like lock in, like those motherfuckers were like locked in and then like it was lined up with the families, so there'll be like little kids and shit, so there'll be like this, and then they'll see a little kid like, oh hey, what the fuck, just happened.
Speaker 2Turn it off real quick.
Speaker 3Okay, we can't. We can't show a mean face to the kids. My bad, my bad yeah.
Speaker 2Who have you had to distance from your life to keep your peace?
Speaker 3How long, how long how much time we got. About an hour Shit, I can take the whole hour. You want names and?
Speaker 2birthdates. I have to bring the birthdays, you know.
Speaker 3Just a quick name, no, I mean there's been a lot of people, mostly family, some I guess I won't even call them friends some associates earlier on in life. You know, when you meet these people, you just understand that we're on two different paths. And I'm not with the fuckery, I'm not going to do some shit. Again I say I'm not doing anything to put myself or my family in question, I'm not going to do some shit, I'm not. Again I say, uh, I'm not doing anything to put myself or my family in question, I'm not, I'm not going to jail by no shit, no bullshit. Um, I will do the crime. If it's need to be done. Like, I will like. Like, uh, last week, if the nigga, the fight broke out, the fight would have broke out, oh, yeah, I was kind of.
Speaker 1I'm in that mode right now.
Speaker 3Like I'm going to defend myself and I'm going to help my friends if need be, but I'm not going to do anything. I'm not robbing no bank or no stupid shit like that. So there's a lot of people, man, especially a lot of family, because the family thing, just because you're family, they can talk to you and you just want to tolerate shit.
Speaker 1So I'll cuss the family out quick? I don't have that answer. I'm learning and as we speak, I'm learning all that. I'm learning a lot more just by communicating, with just professionalism, professional help. So it's like I'm learning some shit. I gotta do so. It's a cool realization of some shit, though the weird thing I think it's a cool realization of some shit though.
Speaker 3The weird thing, kevin, I think because you're a person like you have to be very mindful, because your personality is so oh, I'm told I'm in trouble.
Speaker 1Yeah, Like she tells me that all the time she's like oh, the way you are, like you're kind of fucked, but like you can work through this, I'm like well, thanks, I guess.
Speaker 3I think it's because it's because I feel like my wife's the same way. She's such a friendly person and she's so quick to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. She's the easy target, whereas me I'm like you didn't get the fuck out my face.
Speaker 1I don't know, I don't know you, you know, but it's like to me, it's like you meet a lot of people with ill intentions it sucks, because I'm like said, I'm learning that more because there'll be things where somebody will reach out and I'm like I don't even fuck with this person. But this seems like a scenario where it's like, alright, yeah, if I can help you, I'll help you. But it's like then, shit, now I'm like you're just taking advantage of my kindness.
Speaker 1And that's why I like that guilt shit I feel like guilt for it and then like it's like you shouldn't feel guilt for this shit. These are grown-ups like the, the.
Speaker 3I think my harsh reality is I learned at 16 that I trust people, not 16, 14. As a 14 year old kid I was, I was. I was being blamed for shit out of my control where I had nothing to do to do with it, just because I was the easiest scapegoat, or what it would it turned out to be. They just didn't like me to start with. So I was. You know anything that could pin on me, type shit. And then that and that was family. So then that I internalized that and applied that thinking toward everybody. Like nigga, what's your reasoning? Like my family, you know what I'm saying. Like if I can't trust family, I damn sure I can't trust you. So it was like it made it. It made me. It made it a lot easier for me to distance myself and not communicate with people and I've I've gotten flack with uh for that, because no people say, oh, you're, you're mean, which I?
Speaker 3I can't be uh, but it's, it's defensive. Yeah, it's like. No, it's like I'm not, I don't start off, I mean I just I'm honest. Sometimes I come off across as mean, but it's some people can't do it honestly?
Speaker 1they?
Speaker 3can't. But again, it's all. I don't want to say learned behavior, but it's all behavior that I had to adapt to protect myself, and so I don't feel bad about it.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's learning. It's a lot of learning. I'm not going to lie about that. What about you, sir?
Speaker 2Particularly recently, was my brothers. I noticed I've always had like a weird, a strange my oldest brother I always had a strange, a strange relationship and uh, the other, my other brother, rico. We were cool but never close like that because of how we grew up. We all like age gaps, but like it was something in particular he did uh see, he added me as a friend but like I noticed he would never react to anything like like my kids or anything. But then like he did this post where he was praising my eldest brother and I was just like it felt like it shot at me, like almost like, oh, my siblings or whatever, and it's like so you guys are intentionally excluding me from the. So I was just like I just unfriended and was like, like I said I made a post about it.
Speaker 2I said I'll unfriend, unfollowing, like I'm not about to allow you to like disturb or let it be known that like you have you're, you're kind of passive-aggressively saying you have an issue with me by trying to like, oh yeah, my siblings, I go to war for. It's like, but you ain't, we don't talk, you don't acknowledge me, so I'm not going to even allow you to. Yeah, so, but, like I said, that was recently, but I do that a lot and I even with the show last week, I started like you said, you, you realized kindness, you're trying to be cool and give people opportunities and then, like I was hitting that point where I was about, I told jc. I said I'm about to fucking go off, like I'm trying to just enjoy myself I said that this was supposed to be something where I was just relaxing, yeah, and now
Speaker 2it's getting to a point where it's getting disrespectful. So but I always try to get. I always try to think of the consequence of my choices in that moment. But I was very close to just I just didn't like how it was going. But I just keep my distance from people and I've learned that as a defense mechanism my entire life. Eventually you just realize that you got to distance yourself to have peace and it might hurt at times, it might whatever, but you just realize a lot of people aren't for you. So yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1I think I just try to place people that I allow to be actually close. I don't allow people that I don't think are good people like around.
Speaker 3Damn.
Clearing Your Circle as You Age
Speaker 1What. I must not be a good person. Oh, shut up, shut the fuck up. Y'all niggas are in my house, like you know what the fuck.
Speaker 2As a thing to uh, we've had this conversation many a time. That's why it's like very particular who we choose for like the talk your shits. Because we've talked about I said I don't. We'll say it was like I don't feel comfortable having said people or particular people, and that's kevin's house.
Speaker 1We're not about that loud oh yeah, if they got out of line, they're gonna be to be like oh man, that guy's crazy, yeah, why he do that so like.
Speaker 2I said we make it a point Like it's vetted and screened, like we're not about to allow that energy to come into your household. That's we talk about that shit thoroughly.
Speaker 1Man, I fuck with y'all.
Speaker 2And I know that's why I don't trip when you're like, oh so something's coming up, I'm, I'm certain y'all, yeah, we, we like now we're not putting no, ain't, no way. Um, so do you find it harder to make real friends now, or is it easier just to keep the fake ones away?
Speaker 1that's a that's a good one I think both.
Speaker 3I think both of those statements are true. It's easy to keep the faith in the way, but just by not being accessible and then, in return, to actually have, find real friends or develop real relationships, you have to be, you have to be accessible in some degree it's a balance, yeah yeah, it is, I think it's.
Speaker 1It's one of those things that, as you're older, you would think that everybody is up front with who they are, they not, they ain't.
Speaker 3These niggas fronts be all the way up.
Speaker 1But I think, as it's older now, where it's just like you can see it and it's like, oh, that was some foul shit, it's easier to just deal with. Where you're like, oh nigga, I'm not invested in you, like, what the fuck? I met you at this age. I didn't meet you here.
Speaker 3We ain't got nothing invested, so I think, like what I've learned is like it's.
Speaker 3I mean you kind of, you kind of throw people in boxes, right, I mean not like subconsciously you do right you know what I'm saying, cause you got like, okay, I got, I got my associates at the gym that I only talk to these niggas at the gym. But when we talk it's a good time and it was like a lot of my you know this, I might show up, type shit right. Then I have where I'm friends with other parents, because our kids are friends. So now I've been in places and talking to people and you realize something like there's been a couple of things you know what. Okay, I can rock with them and the other one I'd be like nah, I'm horrible at that shit.
Speaker 2I am anti-social for a reason. I am horrible at that. Every time it's happened, they look at me like this nigga's weird and I'm like I don't know how to interact.
Speaker 1You just talked about random shit, random shit is yeah, we had some shit where it's just like damn, and then it's just like fuck. You just don't know about people and you're just like god damn, like you just played us.
Speaker 3I think it was weird because because our daughter has a friend um you know, yeah, andrew's daughter and um, like you know, I, we figured out that we worked and we worked for the same company, whatever, and it's cool. And it's like there's been a couple times where like, oh, we can't, we can't make it, but if you guys want her, we can drop her off. And I was like, wait, so you just gonna be your guy. Like that's a level, like okay, I know we always say we're, we're cool, like we don't mind. If you don't mind, we don't mind, yeah, but I mean, on the flip side of that, we don't leave our kid nowhere.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, it's just, it's just weird. But I mean it's like, like I said, like you you start, you kind of like you get thrust to these situations, paul's, and then then you, you kind of figure it out as you go, because I do feel like, when it comes to work, I don't see anybody at work as friends. I see it as people I just fucking work with and I always have the notions like, if I haven't, if you haven't been to my house, you're not my friend, that's how I look at it. Or if I haven't been to, so it's like, yeah, I might be cool with you, we might be cordial, but you know, we just go work.
Speaker 2So stop fucking acting like you give a fuck about anything I'm doing and it's not just a reflection of your insecurities and shortcomings in life. Stop fucking worrying about why I leave early or why I don't work certain days or whatever, because it ain't got shit to do with anything but you feeling shitty about yourself and your choices. Yes, I'm talking to you. You know the fuck I'm talking to. Okay, anyway, um, did I answer this?
Speaker 3I don't know. No, I talked a lot oh, keep fake ones away.
Speaker 2Yeah, uh, I don't know about. I just always have the defense mechanism of keeping my distance from people once they start showing me certain sides of them. So I guess it's easier for me to keep the fake ones away than it is to find new, new, real friends. It's like I have people, uh, that I trust as friends but, like said, it's one of them things where I have very few friends. And, again, as I say, once people show me a true color, I just keep my distance. It could be not necessarily that they're true colors, it's just you showed me a hand that I didn't fuck with and I just was like, oh, that's all I needed to see and it could be good people.
Speaker 1I just I don't know. I actually think losing Tejora at such a young age kind of like like when people are like shit happens at this age and shit, I'm like nigga, like I've lost like close friends, like at a young age, I'm like, whatever you think this is, I'm not going to be hurt. Like you could just you know what I mean, like that realization is.
Speaker 2I had a conversation with the guy at the venue about that. I said man, 40 is a big thing. I said when you think about a lot of people you lost getting to 40, you realize it is a big deal. So you cherish that and I think it is a blessing to know people like Tujor. It just sucks that we lost them at a young age. People like that, I think you take those as the, as the markers for good things in the world exist yeah um which is worse outgrowing childhood friends or just outgrowing childhood friends or just outgrowing family?
Speaker 3I don't think neither is worse. I think it's. It's gonna happen. It's just a matter of time. You're gonna, you're gonna outgrow people in life. It's gonna happen, you just gotta get used to it. The problem is a lot of times when you outgrow people in life. That's just, it's going to happen, something's going to happen. You just got to get used to it, cause the problem is a lot of times when you outgrow people. They started, they turn to haters.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1So, man, I don't think I have a Answer Answer to that Cause I'm, like you know, with me. I don't know, I don't feel like that.
Speaker 2I feel like for me friends are harder because, like you kind of choose who's in your tribe by, like how you vibe with people, because you know family's family. You might not necessarily ever actually fuck with each other period, but like you know, when you cool with somebody and you've grown cool and you have have that realization that, excuse me, we're going separate paths. It might hit harder than like, say, that cousin that you were never cool with to begin with or that you know family blood is blood but it don't mean that's family to me, I guess I just look at it as like, because it's not, it don't necessarily even have to be an outgrower, sometimes you just grow apart, like it just goes separate ways where it's like it just happens, different type of outgrowing.
Speaker 1So yeah, I mean, I guess I take it in a negative way when I hear it that way.
Speaker 2So so how do you have that tough talk when you realize you need to go your separate ways? You got a friend you got a friend or a significant other, whatever you realize that you're, I feel like it's like a natural you go to a friend or a significant other or whatever you realize that you're done.
Speaker 1I feel like it's like a natural thing, though. Yeah, to me I feel like that thing just kind of naturally happens. There's people that don't really talk. There's nothing ill or nothing, it just kind of happened. You know what I?
Speaker 2mean I can see that with significant others, when you outgrown each other and don't realize it.
Speaker 1Yeah, I each other and don't realize it. Yeah, I mean, that would be different. You'd have to probably have that talk because you're like, well, shit, I can't. Just, I mean, you could, you could, you could. But like I think, when it comes to like even like family, like, if it just happens like that, it just kind of happens. It don't necessarily have to be a ill thing, but it's just it's, yeah, it's like because I got.
Speaker 3I was thinking I had a cousin. I got a cousin, younger cousin. I mean I always, always like fond of him, like look at him as like a little brother. And then it was clear to me, like the like in the path he was going down, like uh, I wasn't right, I don't, I didn't rock with that. Now again he grown man, that's his life decisions and so like we don't communicate like we used to.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3You know what I mean. But it doesn't mean like it doesn't it never really changed how. It doesn't change my love I have for him. You know what I mean. It's just that what you associate yourself with I can't be associated. I can't be associated with that type deal.
Speaker 1So I don't know if that's we was kind of talking about this the other day with my family. It was funny because we were talking about how the cousins grew up. It was like, okay, so I had you, and then you got older and started driving, get pussy and all that shit. So it was like I'm not hanging out with this little one's kid.
Speaker 1So then it started hanging out with this one and then I did the same and then it just kind of progressed. It was like we love each other but it was like fool I'm.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Because I remember that with my little cousin he was everywhere and then I left and then he did his own thing and it just kept going and then out there doing it huh. That's fine. What about you?
Speaker 2uh, uh, the the talk I could see like when I think of significant others. I see it in that scenario like how hard it could be, because sometimes you could make a valid point to being, or to outgrowing one another and if the other person don't see it that way, then they're just going to be like, oh, this motherfucker's making excuses and you're like nigga, we're going two separate ways. So that's where I see it being the difficult. Like I said, I agree that everything else is kind of like a natural understanding, but like that one was where it's. Like that one you could literally be like you don't see that we're going two different directions in life, like this is what you're gravitating towards, this what I'm gravitating towards, and one side could be like but we're supposed to do it together and it's like that's not always the case.
Speaker 3So yeah, yeah, that one's a weird one, because I feel like you can run separate races so I definitely you can run separation as long as the goal, yeah, as long as the goal, as long as the end goal is the same, yeah, but the communication.
Speaker 2That, to me, is where the communication has to lie, because if say, one of you was super religious and the other one was atheist, Again like yeah, you don't talk about that Again.
Speaker 3the you don't talk about religion and the one that's religious.
Speaker 2Just, she was like I'm going to go to church. I'm going to stay my ass home, oh, okay.
Speaker 3I've seen that happen a lot. That's my house.
Speaker 1I'm not atheist, but I'm going to be going to church, they go to church and all that shit. I'm like I don't call myself a Christian.
Speaker 2All right, let's switch it, then One's into swinging and the other one's not.
Speaker 1Well, y'all shouldn't probably be together. Y'all shouldn't probably be together. Yeah, you are now a cuck, yeah.
Speaker 2I decided I want an oak relationship. You know what? I don't think this is going to work out. Let's not open, yeah.
Speaker 3Open a goddamn open the door. Did you know there's a?
Speaker 1cuck queen.
Speaker 2I didn't know that was a thing oh wow, you ever felt guilty for leveling up and leaving some folks by?
Speaker 3I don't feel guilty for shit working on it I don't feel guilty for sure, everything I got I work for and I know why I do what I do.
Speaker 1I don't feel guilty, I'm working on it, working on the guilt thing, I think I've pinpointed where a lot of my guilt comes from now.
Speaker 2So that's a good thing, I will say this If I level up, I don't feel guilt. I usually feel like now what bitch, I told you I was going to do it. You didn't believe me. Now look at me, I'm doing it, motherfucker. That's usually my energy Because it's like, if you understand my growing up, I was always doubted. So if I level up and I feel like I leveled up, I'm not going to feel guilty about it and no one's going to make me feel guilty about it.
Speaker 3It's just going to be one of those things like you see.
Speaker 2You told me I couldn't do it. I did it, didn't I? Yeah, now what bitch like. That's usually my energy. I know it sounds petty, that's not petty, murphy.
Speaker 1I can't I can't do the lab, do the lab. Can you do that? Which one? Eddie murphy?
Speaker 2I don't know if I'm good. I'm like that's the closest you're gonna get. Can you do the kawaii? What's that? We're gonna do that randomly it's I'm gonna do it randomly now. Okay, that's it, that's all right, yeah, that's that we're going to do that randomly.
Speaker 1I'm going to do it randomly now, okay.
Speaker 3That's it.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's how I take it, though I can't feel guilt. Well played, yes, I'm tired. That's what she said. Does age make it easier or harder to accept that not everyone or everything is for you?
Speaker 3Easier, because the older you get, the less you give a fuck.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's easier.
Speaker 3It makes it easier Because the older you get, the more you lock in on those that count on you.
Speaker 1Well, your time runs out. You're like time's not infinite. I ain't got time to deal with this shit. I got 35 summers nigga. You know what I'm saying 35 summers.
Speaker 3nigga, you know what I'm saying 35 summers.
Speaker 1I'm finna enjoy these bitches. Got 111. Okay, I'm gonna put all the fake shit in me. Whoa, I mean pause, yes, pause, yes, that's a pause.
Speaker 2Whoa, Whoa well.
Speaker 3Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1Whoa, whoa whoa well he going to jail.
Speaker 2Yeah, he ain't going to jail oh shit, I was saying it makes it easier cause you realize like I even said with the stalker shit, you realize you only got so much time on this fucking earth, yeah, and the older you get, the more that realization becomes a reality and you realize that you're not going to waste your time, and valuable time, on bullshit.
Speaker 1So my favorite phrase lately has been like. When I see people being like, I'm like damn, that's just shitty. I'm like you got to live with that. Yeah, like you got to live like that, that sucks. Yeah, like they might think that I'm like but when you realize you suck, that sucks. Like you wasted a whole lot of time sucking. Yeah, whoa, pause.
Speaker 2Nah, fuck that. There's a lot of they were sucking pause big pause jaw hurts and everything got that jaw popping little mo what's something that you wish black men would talk more about? When it comes to friendship breakups and relationship breakups, black men you can talk about the ones that hurt. I definitely do think there needs to be more.
Speaker 1I think we should talk more about a lot of shit. We have a lot of even just men holding shit in, and it's black people. We don't ever. It's funny when we talk about emotions. That don't it just always got to be. It don't go over, well, yeah. And then finances and shit too. We don't ever do that, but it's shitty because that's one of those things where it's like, well, we can't, how are we going to move up if we don't share information with each other? And then like, then you got that double edge where it's like, well, now I'm sharing shit with you and now niggas is just hating, like like I don't understand, like what am I supposed to do? So it's like damn, like it's one of those to how do we let the guard down on some shit? I was to stop suffering in silence, yeah that's true.
Speaker 2That's what people do a lot of people, men, for sure what's wrong. I was just thinking about the suffering and silence part.
Speaker 3Like what, what are you suffering in silence with? Like, uh, you know, like when I went out, when, uh, when I'm, when I'm going through, when I'm dealing with my shit, so like when I'm dealing with my anxiety, uh, when I'm dealing with my uh, depression, you know so do you like, did you just sit there and and and not tell a soul and just, or do you do like at least put it into things, or do you just sit there and like not move, not? Uh, basically I, I I suppress and not deal.
Speaker 3And then, uh, as you know, as the days go along, that shit creeps out and I I kind of like just let it sit there. But I was, like you know, I said some shit, like because my therapist said that shit to me, I still said, well, one, I don't want to bother people, two, because everybody got shit going on.
Speaker 1And you know, a lot of times, a lot of times, I just felt like you know else, like let me deal with my yeah I'm not gonna trauma dump on somebody but that's it's funny because speaking with mine, she's actually does a lot of uh therapy with uh men who've had like heart attacks and stuff, and like the way she puts it, she's like it's interesting how you guys do this. Like you guys will like hide all this stuff from like your spouse or something to protect them, but meanwhile you don't realize that even though you seem strong, like your body has a toll on it. Like your body does this, like your body will let you know and it's like it's ironic how we do all of this stuff and then the suppressing and all of this stuff attacks us in the end where you're like damn, that's fucked up, like it's one of those where you're like damn, that's fuck like she.
Speaker 3She literally told me, kevin, she literally told me that I need to find a way to decompress and relax and get some sleep before my body forces me. Yeah, so you need to do it yourself before your body gets gets to a point to where, like, you're gonna have to do it, and it's never a good way, it's never to do it, so you need to do it yourself before your body gets to the point to where, like, you're going to have to do it.
Speaker 1And it's never a good way. It's never a good have to yeah.
Speaker 3And she fucked me up. I was like look here, man, I got to work tomorrow, I got to work today.
Speaker 1You get any tools or any ideas for a murder to do.
Speaker 3Yeah, with some shit I'm probably not going to do it.
Speaker 1Well, you should. You see this heart-shaped notebook I got over here. Yeah, I didn't like my mom bought that. I was like I got to write stuff, I got to start writing and then she come in with it. I was like I didn't say I was writing a fucking teenage journal. But Dear Diary today, me and forcing myself to write. And then that's where I think I came to a realization where a lot of that guilt came from, and it was like damn, that's holy shit.
Speaker 3Something that has helped me. I will say this that I now read before bed oh yeah, you 40, nigga. I'm 40. You ain't there yet, but you 40. I'm 40. You ain't there yet, but you 40. But at the same time I've noticed that it helps when I'm not looking at the screen and I'm actually using my, I'm reading and I'm going back and forth, especially because what I'm reading is kind of interesting too, karma Sutra. No, that's what I'm practicing.
Speaker 2I was waiting on something, I was like something, I was like some slicks coming pause uh, I feel like we should talk about more amongst black men is, uh, mistakes and and and navigating mistakes. I feel like a lot of times we put on these fronts like we're just we have it figured out, or at least not figured out, but like not acknowledging that we fuck up. So like other people fuck up and they kind of need to know when hey, so you fucked up too, how did you go get through that fuck up like? Because a lot of times I'm like, damn, I'm not gonna tell this to them because, shit, kevin ain't fuck up like this and he was like no kevin probably did, kevin, just ain't telling him like I'm irresponsible.
Speaker 2So I think acknowledging the fuck up and not acting like the fuck up is like a weakness, but a way of kind of a lesson learned and and maybe paying it forward, because I think a lot of times mistakes are the one thing we don't want to own up to. Oh yeah so like shit on here, when you I say when you talk to people and you're like wait a minute, so you fucked up too. Like what? How did you? It's like nigga, how.
Speaker 1If I could have learned from like yeah, and then we gotta like sometimes reach out when you see it. Yeah, because it's like I'll have like if somebody was doing some of the shit I did to the house, be like, hey, nigga before you do that, make sure you read this Foot heart.
Speaker 2So what's one thing you stopped apologizing for after 40 or right before 40, since oh all bus and quit.
Speaker 1Oh, that was well before 40. Yeah.
Speaker 3Shit was good. What can I say? Yeah, I told you, I told you stop throwing it back, Fucking listen.
Speaker 1Oh, now here we are. That's one thing I'm actually actually. That goes all along the lines of everything I'm working on, cause I be overly apologetic and overly guilty. You do say my bad a lot for stuff I shouldn't feel guilty for, so I haven't got there yet. So that's a running. We'll put a pin in it for me.
Outgrowing Family and Friends
Speaker 3I think I'll stop being serious. I'll stop apologizing Maybe like early 30s for just being me Like.
Speaker 3I'm not like I'll stop apologizing for, like you know, for being me Lacking the things I like doing things I do not, you know, because people always say, oh man, you know, for, yeah being me, for liking the things I like doing things I do not, you know, because people always say, oh man, you know, you don't come around family, like you don't come around, you don't like. Well, first of all, y'all niggas don't invite me nowhere. And if you do, at this point I probably wouldn't show up anyway, because I'm used to not seeing you. That's the problem. I've gotten used to not seeing you, so yeah, if there's nothing that's drawing me here.
Speaker 3Why would I come anyway? Pause, um, is it? Yeah, um, so I mean I don't apologize for that anymore and it's like also I don't apologize for being honest anymore, like that's my honest take. Don't ask me. I'll tell mcfly all the time if you want my honest opinion, don't. If you don't want honest opinion, don't ask me. And I never asked this nigga shit because I would tell you honestly. And it's like, and I've known there's been people time to time people ask me something and when I answer they don't. I can clearly say they don't like the answer, because they would. They would ask something, they would think that I was gonna like, maybe side with their way of thinking and then when I point out how their, their thinking is flawed or whatever they, they get again, I said never asked.
Speaker 3I like my self-esteem, I'm not gonna tear you down again don't mass nigga fucking up ass.
Speaker 2Niggas like oh shit, oh, oh oh, come on, they don't kick you. Calm down um. The thing that I stopped apologizing for after 40 was literally just being me. I embraced my weirdness and my quirkiness. I know man don't say it though my weirdness, though, is what I stopped apologizing for, not bluntly being, but just I'm weird man. I can't help it, you're not weird, you're you.
Speaker 3You gotta stop calling yourself weird. You're unique. Everyone should be. The thing is, you should want to live life. Be uniquely you, because that's what makes you different from everybody else. The problem is there's two people out here trying to copy everybody else and not being themselves.
Speaker 2And what like. The problem is there's two people out here trying to copy everybody else and not being themselves. Like I said about the show, it's interesting to have an introspective thought and realization as you're performing and you're trying to remember lyrics, because when I was on the stage and I was listening to the words that were coming out, I was like this is dope. I do this unique.
Speaker 2But the problem I often ran into when I was active was you're meeting jealousy and unfamiliarity at the same time. So you're being pit against people that are jealous because they recognize your dopeness, on top of also meeting the people that says this is unfamiliar to me, so dope what I've done for the past 20 years. And this shit is dope. It's just coming, coming victim of what. What is? Because jealousy is always going to exist, because people will want, will see what you have, but won't want to acknowledge it, because if they acknowledge it, then it means something else. And then also, on the flip side, is people unfamiliar with what this is, because they're so used to putting people in a box. They want you to sound like someone or what they are familiar with, instead of realizing that you are something else, and I don't want to apologize for that anymore, and that was a dope feeling to feel oh yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1I'm glad you guys are there because you should never apologize for that anymore and that was a dope feeling to fill. Oh yeah, that's good you guys are there because should never apologize for you like ever good type was make you cry ever yeah if your dick falls going into it, it's a wrap what no, I'm back did you just say that?
Speaker 2If you try to push in and it starts to fold.
Speaker 1Backing out. Yeah, that's I mean. That's that tight. That's like yeah, never mind You're trying to stuff it in because Anyway.
Speaker 2That's the gummy. It's going to be a quick night, oh shit. Before you leave, let me get this channel. What used to get your energy. That doesn't deserve a second of it now oh shit, a lot of shit. I was going to say 2k, but, but no, I still play it.
Speaker 3People Shit. Call of Duty. I ain't played that shit in months, fuck, call of Duty.
Speaker 2I just report people. That piss me off. He's cheating, yeah right.
Speaker 3They're all cheating. For me, mostly people.
Speaker 1I think more the social media bullshit. They're all cheating For me, mostly people. I think more the social media bullshit Because I be in like I got to do better at that too, because that's part of the reason I don't like posting shit, because then niggas you don't know say stuff and you're like excuse me, find your address and figure out where you at.
Speaker 3You got to change your outlook on that. Yeah, you want the haters nigga.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's what people come for nah, some nigga put up some blackface on my shit and like put it in a hidden comment and I was like how do I get this to post so he could be out, but whatever you got the uh hit unhide.
Speaker 3They can see. Everyone can see it. Instagram does that automatically. They don't do that.
Speaker 2Oh shit, whoops, they gave you, they gave you a black face.
Speaker 1Yeah, he put black face, like he's like I'll go to work for you and say, oh, that's clever, but that's not smart. It's not smart. You're trying to be racist. Yeah, yeah, 100. So I would have said do you have the degrees I've done a lot better of? Uh, what's that hide? Button the hide and like just scrolling and getting rid of shit. That fucking you can tell people are posting just to burn you. So I think I've I've done way better at just cutting shit out. That's like I know is there to trigger. So it's weird to say at 40, because social media is so prevalent in lives now, it didn't exist when we was younger.
Speaker 3It was different. They were throwing letters around school.
Speaker 1We were just talking about map quest like they're throwing around another school I think that would be for me something like that, like the people that I don't know saying stuff getting better at honestly what I do now.
Speaker 3I try to trigger, I go under the post. I'll laugh on the comment because in my mind, all engagement is good engagement.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3The more you comment, the more they're going to push my shit. I appreciate you for hating me.
Speaker 1I mean I commented, I was like have fun with that.
Speaker 3but I appreciate you for hating me.
Speaker 1I wanted to like.
Speaker 2So I'm the one nigga that does the opposite. What's that? You block them when trolls come, I just I ignore it. Yeah, I block it. I just don't allow it to. Yeah, cause I know how I get. So I'm just like, no, I'm just not gonna.
Speaker 1That's what I need to do more if you could see that shit.
Speaker 3I get called on the daily. I just laugh at it. Shaft, nah, worse shit than that. That's not bad. That's why I said way shit than that. That's not bad. And that's why that's why I said way worse than that. Way worse than that shit you know, that that is does come with.
Speaker 1Yeah, I know the good, so that's why it's like I should want to see more of that, but it's like that's just tough I've had conversations back and forth where I saw that this, this debate back and forth, wasn't going anywhere. Yeah, it's like I hate that shit.
Speaker 2I'm mad that I even started doing it Like the Drake when the guy was trying to comment back and forth about the Drake and Kendrick shit. I was like this is not going to go anywhere. Well.
Speaker 3In my mind it's like I wouldn't have been commenting. You should have been making videos. You should have been replying with videos.
Speaker 1Oh, the whole. Oh shit, I gotta stop doing that. The uh, where you put yeah the reply underneath with it.
Speaker 2Yeah, I just can't that was at work too. We were just going back and forth and he was just. I was like dude, he was really pushing this. He wasn't necessarily team Drake, he was just anti-country yeah, so that was fun.
Speaker 3What I learned recently is a lot of niggas got time.
Speaker 1Yeah, and keyboards, do y'all not work? And he would put these long paragraphs and I was like I'm not reading all this Niggas got a keyboard Because I would be arguing with people and you're like, how did you type that much that fast? Oh, you, just Any nigga with a keyboard on social media. I am not talking to.
Speaker 3I like what I normally like. I said don't write a paragraph and I'll just reply with three laugh emojis. I ain't even ready to say it, just keep it blushing.
Speaker 2There's a secret, there's a trick, just laughing at everything I gotta get the skin. It's like apparently he didn't read my fucking comments.
Speaker 1This ain't a good episode for me. Why it's too many pauses is that three or four? No, I just you guys are going to have to see that in the show. That was a pause that you didn't hear.
Speaker 2I don't think I answered.
Speaker 3Uh, that doesn't receive my energy now you said, you said, you said, you don't say 2k yeah, I said I was gonna say 2k, no, but it's just, it is the trolling part.
Speaker 2Like I just don't react to it I used to let it bother me or whatever. Now I just kind of, when it happens, I go, oh my god again. All right, I used to let it bother me, or whatever. Now I just kind of, when it happens, I go, oh my God again, all right. I used to try to engage or make a post, rebutting it going. Oh yeah, I sat down.
Speaker 3Embrace the troll. They drive up engagement. They actually doing you a favor.
Speaker 2Speaking of favors, ever realize that someone only hits you up when they need a favor? And how do you treat that now, as you approach 40 or after 40?
Speaker 1I mean, if I can help them with a favor, I'll give them the favor, but if not, then I just ignore it.
Speaker 2You should give them a box of chocolates with a.
Speaker 1Shit, shit box. I ain't got time for that.
Speaker 2She did.
Speaker 1That's disgusting still.
Speaker 2She might have it still on standby.
Speaker 1My glasses are talking to me right now and it's upsetting me.
Speaker 2Ah, fuck.
Speaker 1It just started talking, talking. I'm like what, what? Did it say some vaccinations, gotta get TB. It didn't say it quite like that, but it's done.
Speaker 2No doo doo balls no doo doo, that's still wild. I wonder what she's doing. I wonder if she no doo-doo balls.
Speaker 1No doo-doo, that's still wild.
Speaker 2I wonder what she's doing. I wonder if she smells her fingers from time to time.
Speaker 1I just found that doo-doo on Facebook. I should like message them and be like hey, you remember when they been sent you?
Speaker 2Oh shit.
Speaker 1Oh, I've never seen a breakup that fast.
Speaker 2Did she hate him?
What Black Men Should Talk About More
Speaker 1No, they were. She really liked him. I don't know what she thought that, just let us know who she was.
Speaker 3She's pretty too.
Speaker 1She's like real pretty and that just she was like.
Speaker 2you know what shows love Shit.
Speaker 1Yeah, doo-doo balls. You know what shows love Shit. Yeah, doo-doo balls.
Speaker 2Did you answer?
Speaker 1I did, sir. What's up man?
Speaker 3You good, I'm good you want some soup. No, I'm good. You said you answered the favor. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2You don't give. Okay, I don't usually do favors unless I know you, so if people hit me up for favors, I do do favors.
Speaker 3I do favors by standing out your way um, I yeah.
Speaker 2I just don't like if we haven't talked. There's people that can attest to that. This nigga, literally you didn't give a fuck. I was like, hey, my nigga, we didn't give a fuck if I was out in the cold. I was like, hey, my nigga, we haven't talked in a long time. Alright, is there a friendship or a situation you finally outgrew this decade?
Speaker 3I don't know.
Speaker 1What's decade? I was 31. So, 2015 to 2025. Apparently so, apparently so. Bless, you Didn't know I was outgrowing it, but fuck it. Whatever, I think you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2It took me a second. I was like, oh yeah, he unfriended me too. I talking about oh yeah, it took me a second. I was like, oh yeah, he unfriended me too. I was like, oh shit.
Speaker 1That's one of those like I'm so surprised how I feel about it, where I'm like eh well, do I know this nigga? Nah, oh, nah, it's whatever, do well.
Speaker 3I don't think so. I don't know. I think pretty much Last decade I'm only at it I think this last decade I've added Kevin and his family. Yeah, I haven't really removed anybody. That's good, but then again you already trimmed all the fat. I'm not really sociable I was going to say you trimmed the fat early. Nigga, I'm not sociable like that. I know how to hold a conversation. I told you because of my wife, I know how to hold a conversation. I can shoot the shit.
Speaker 2You're way more sociable than I am. Because of my wife, I can hold a conversation, I can shoot the shit. You're way more sociable than I am.
Speaker 3I can shoot the shit and talk shit with anybody.
Speaker 2I can't. And then, like, when I try it, it don't go well at all, because after like two sentences it's like but you gotta understand.
Speaker 3As a kid I was locked in the house with 20 cousins and we were told we couldn't call. So I five days a week during the summertime.
Speaker 2So I had a lot to talk about. How big was the?
Speaker 3house, I had a three bedroom 20 kids that's good, that's an exaggeration okay, maybe like 13.
Speaker 2That's not much of an exaggeration.
Speaker 3I was like still still a lot shit.
Speaker 1You didn't say like 7 yeah you didn't say, oh, it was exaggerating, exaggerate. I was like still still a lot Shit.
Speaker 2You didn't say like seven, yeah. You didn't say oh, it was exaggerate, just seven, it's like 13,. There's only seven off 13 you know, Three bedroom house.
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean it was my cousin's house. I mean that was it.
Speaker 2Like how many beds.
Speaker 3The two, two, maybe four or five, Because my cousins the boys had a room and the girls had a room.
Speaker 2Bunk beds yeah, and wife falls off the bunk bed.
Speaker 3A lot of people were push off.
Speaker 2Yeah, I believe it.
Speaker 3A lot of fighting going on.
Speaker 3I think that was recorded falling off I mean because I explain, when I tell my daughter this, she's amazed by this. But I was like, yeah, we watched ourself. Like the oldest one was in charge, I think my oldest cousin at the time, he was maybe like 15, 16, was the oldest, so, like you, the first one getting fucked up because you should have known what was going on. And then I was like maybe the third youngest. So, yeah, you know, we watched ourselves. We were told nigga, there's snacks in there. Everyone gets one a piece. We'll be back in a couple hours. Don't fucking leave the house.
Speaker 2That's how Don't answer the door for nobody.
Speaker 3And when they got home we had to go outside. That's it. So, yeah, I mean I haven't really. No, I can say I've assigned people to different roles, different spots, you know.
Speaker 2So that counts I can see that, I can definitely see that. I can say that I can co-sign the different. You just realize not that people aren't for you, that they're just not what you thought they were.
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean it's kind of harsh to say, but you, at a certain age, you do realize, okay, this person is good for this. So, like, if I know, if we do anything outside of this, it may cause like, or we have any type of conversation outside of this, it may cause some type of rift or some type of problem. So I'm going to just avoid these conversations with this person. And it's like you know, like you got your one buddy, like you know you talk sports with, you got your one buddy you talk guns with. And it's like you know, know, because when you have different, when you have, uh, when you have different passions, different avenues, you, uh, you align with people in those passions and avenues. They that just don't mean you don't, you're not gonna align with everything else so you, I, and that's and that's the, that's the key to shooting the shit people.
Speaker 2You find what you have yeah, the people that are carefree, that you don't have, you don't use. Do serious scenarios or situations with and you have the people that you're like. I can trust, I can count on these people in serious situations.
Speaker 3Yeah, but that's like the whole, that's like the, that that's the playbook for shooting the shit. You shoot the shit. The thing is is like if I really wanted to be, I really couldn't manipulate people. I wanted to like. You really have to Dale. Carnegie okay, all you have to do is really you find something that they're interested in, that you maybe have some type of interest in that's the book and then you literally let them feel like they're teaching you something and they'll talk forever.
Speaker 2That's what they say in the book.
Speaker 3They'll talk forever.
Speaker 2I mean, it's not like I read it or anything.
Speaker 3Okay, like, so, like you can apply it. You can apply that to your life in a non-sinister way. So, like you know, like everyone up here, we all have different talents, different interests. Like I, I don't know what it's like to be in the navy, but fucking kevin can tell me what it's like. I don't. I'm not, I ain't fixing shit, but kevin's fixtures. I can talk to him about that. I can talk to you about rapping. I can talk about basketball. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3Like, sorry, you manipulated me well no, I'm not moving, you know what I'm saying. But it's like, it's like it worked, like with Kyle it worked. Kyle's a he's an army guy. He's a gun guy. If I have a gun question, I'm going to Kyle because he's going to fucking know every guy he's going to know. He's going to tell me the law and the number of the goddamn law.
Speaker 3I just know not to make Kyle angry you know what I mean, but it's so, it really is. And so when I say I've rearranged it like, I just understand that sometimes you can be drawn to, you can be drawn to people for certain things because they resonate with a certain part of you. So that's what you communicate. And so when you get to the point to where, like, for instance, like I know, like when it comes to, you're talking to the parents of the friend of your child, that conversation, nine times out of ten, is going to be about the kids. It's going to be about the kids. And then you may learn over time other things that you guys are interested in. For me hardly ever happens. I don't know why I keep running to these goddamn Cowboy fans.
Speaker 2Damn.
Speaker 3Because I hate them. They're everywhere. They're like roaches they won't die, but their. They won't die, but the team does. So it's like, but it's just like. There's always to me it's like, the difference between being cordial and then trying to develop friendships. Right, I don't feel like in the last decade I've really tried to develop friendships. I've just been cordial with people and then people that really resonated with me like we kind we kind of got had a vibe that it didn't kind of like ascend it from there.
Speaker 2I met you in 2015.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 2It's been 10 years 2015?
Speaker 3It's been 10 years. Oh okay, vibes, vibes, you still here Ouch, still on the roster.
Speaker 2Ouch, Now I'm just another one on the roster. God damn Stable dog. What's the reality? What reality about getting older is hitting you the hardest Mortality that I'm on a roster.
Speaker 3I thought I had one bad knee. Now I realize I've got bad knees shit.
Speaker 1I mean, that's what's fucking me up. More is the mortality part, because it's closer than I try not to think about that at all later I'm one hard fart and a sneeze away from paralysis.
Speaker 2That's the reality I have to accept each day.
Speaker 3I just feel like it's going to happen. It's going to happen when it's supposed to happen.
Speaker 1It's going to happen when it's going to happen. But I think about it more now, where I'm like damn, I'm closer to fucking 60 than I was to. You know what I'm saying 35 summers.
Speaker 3Don't tell me that 35 summers, 35 summers why? You gotta tell me that like fuck, you didn't realize that you were closer to 6.
Speaker 2I didn't want to realize that. I mean, if I want to look at it now, I'm technically closer to 20 than I was to 10 yeah, yeah, technically, so I can look at it the opposite way. I technically closer to 20 than I was to 10. Yeah, technically so.
Speaker 1I can look at it the opposite way. I'd just be thinking about 50 and shit, where I'm like, damn, it's going to be a dope birthday. Turn up for a show. I'm going to buy a castle in Germany.
Speaker 2I thought you said a casket, nah.
Speaker 3You better send them goddamn invitations when you turn 48 so niggas can start to sing. Make sure you have your passport ready.
Speaker 1We gonna party in this castle, but that's, what is more, my realization, the mortality piece.
Speaker 2I'm serious nigga, I'm like a fart or a sneeze a bad sneeze, away from paralysis, because sometimes I'll sneeze hard now, oh yeah why does that hurt shit?
Speaker 3I get coughs that hurt like in the back, yeah we're like, that's not where I coughed, yeah I've had it where I or I've stretched and the stretch fucked me up. Yeah, how does God damn.
Speaker 2That lock up. I'm like I've never experienced so much lock up where your body just locked. You're like oh fuck.
Speaker 3It's like I tell my wife I am officially an old school, I have a carburetor warm up before I do anything. Yeah, we were the shitty party.
Mortality and Aging Realizations
Speaker 1I feel like I was forewarned by all the older guys. They were like I'll wait till you hit this age, nigga, and you're like and now you ever get familiar with icy hot like the oh, the bengay and shit yeah uh, not yet I did all that shit when I was playing baseball, I might, I reckon I just smell also well and welcome it oh yeah, that tiger bomb all that shit you're like oh my god, yes, oh, you hurting huh I used to when I was young.
Speaker 2My dad would do that show like that shit smelled disgusting. That's how I get it now.
Speaker 1Yeah, I get it I got the little massage gun right now. That shit is. I got two of them. That shit hurts but it hurts.
Speaker 3So good. Massage gun right now, that shit is. I got two of them. That shit hurts, but it hurts so good. Massage gun with the heating pad. Put the heat on there.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, yeah, I got to just go get a massage. Two of them. I think I'm going to get a dude massage. I have never done that. Hey, let me tell you something. But I feel like they can get deep massage muscles.
Speaker 3Let me tell you something, kevin, deep in the muscles. Let me tell you something, kevin I've done it Never going back.
Speaker 2It hurt, tap out, tom it hurt.
Speaker 3No, it didn't hurt. Oh yeah, that one motherfucker. He was too goddamn. Tap out Tom.
Speaker 2He just in there that motherfucker, I'm telling you, the massage was awesome, until he got to one Specific spot and I almost swung on him, damn, damn. He got to my shoulder and did some shit where it pinched and I said, ooh, shit.
Speaker 3Yeah, I will say this. I got a massage at a male masseuse one time or a couple times, but since then I cannot do. The females are not strong enough. I need the pressure he was applying.
Speaker 2So you meet Helga, but where she?
Speaker 3at Shit.
Speaker 1The one massage I don't want from a dude is the, the one on the on the back of the head, where they're like rubbing your shit. I'll be like nah, dog, we cool.
Speaker 2We cool. It always gets me. It always gets me like when the massage, especially like the male. It's like when it gets too quiet in the room, like that music needs to stay playing, Because that moment you're like, why are you breathing?
Speaker 3The last time I got one, I said, hey dog, we ain't got to talk bro.
Speaker 2Yeah, don't have a conversation, just let the music play.
Speaker 3I said, if you want, my AirPods are right there, I can listen to some music. I do not need to hear your breathing, I don't need a man asking me is that too much pressure?
Speaker 1Yeah, I guess that's. Maybe I'm not ready for this.
Speaker 2We're really tense right here.
Speaker 3How's the pressure right there?
Speaker 1No.
Speaker 3Just.
Speaker 1Are you?
Speaker 3lighting candles.
Speaker 2We're going to go ahead and take off the lower. I didn't want to lower, just the shoulders. What's?
Speaker 1the truth about yourself that you only face since you're either 40 or turning 40? I'm too uh passive with shit.
Speaker 2I could teach you aggression what I was looking at the time I was like god damn, we just we was going in on this.
Speaker 3Oh shit, I could teach you aggression no, I got aggression.
Speaker 1I just like I'm one of those who like when I get to a certain. I don't like that feeling and like I'm one of those who's not good at the competition if I get to a point I'm not good at, oh, down the back, yeah. So I don't like to get to that point, so it's like, so it's red or nothing. I'm usually. I try to keep it in the yellow so it don't get to red.
Speaker 3Getting to red might be therapeutic.
Speaker 1It might be, or it could be, a felony. Maybe I'll try a rage room.
Speaker 3I've been saying that.
Speaker 1I've been saying that I've been saying that, but I haven't done that.
Speaker 3I mean, we know an open space.
Speaker 1There's a rage room in a no, I mean we know an open space. No, that's, it's sold they got cameras on the motherfucker.
Speaker 3they'll be like my bad, I forgot the question. What's the?
Speaker 2realization you learned about yourself in turning 40?.
Speaker 3That I really do need to figure out a way to handle the stress, because it's going to kill me.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, you got to drive, Never mind. If you didn't drive, I'd be like yeah, it's going to kill me. Yeah you got to figure that out.
Speaker 3Especially if you realize that too, my therapist literally told me last week that I have to. I have to start putting more focus on my own happiness and not just my family, my bad my shit's been beeping in my ear like right now um skydive. I'm not doing that shit they bring me closer to death.
Speaker 2I'm good uh, the realization I hit at 40 was realizing that it's okay to be vulnerable.
Speaker 3Oh, yeah, is realizing that it's okay to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, like that that's the real, that it's like hard for me to be vulnerable and uh.
Speaker 3Vulnerable how.
Speaker 2Emotionally.
Speaker 3Oh, okay.
Speaker 2I'm so used to uh, that's what.
Speaker 3I'm saying you walked in the house to change your shirt.
Speaker 2Oh, you're saying Well, I mean, I'm not showing my titties, man nigga, just a titty nigga still I don't you want me to show my titties up here? No, I've seen your titties. I don't want to. Yes, do it. You want to do it in the camera? I'm going to challenge you to do it.
Speaker 3I mean, I was full of shirt on at the party. Party, oh you had it.
Speaker 2I thought you meant for the pot. Are you going to show your?
Speaker 3titties. Yeah, you got to put it on camera. No, I'm going to do that?
Speaker 2See there's levels, I guess.
Speaker 3If I do it, you know what you're doing. I'm not doing shit.
Speaker 2But yeah, the vulnerability is one of the things where it's like it's okay to say I need help or I'm unsure, and stop looking at it as some sort of weakness, to be unsure of yourself or unsure of the situation. That's the realization of hitting 40 for me. With that being said, this has been episode 215 of the Heavyweight Podcast. Yay yay. Des isn't here, but she'll be back very soon.
Speaker 3Please go in the comments and say that y'all miss her because she think y'all she's a favorite.
Speaker 2No, she's not Like, subscribe, share and comment All that shit Till next time. We love you Peace.
Closing Thoughts on Vulnerability
Speaker 1Peace. Did you guys ever go to Club 215, the strip club? Nope, nope, nope. Oh, I'm sweating. That's a wrap, y'all. That's how she wrote, so make sure to click like subscribe. Tune in we on the Austrian platform. So until next time. Well, I got you.
