The Heavyweight Podcast
Welcome to *The Heavyweight Podcast*, where every week, a dynamic group of four—“this lady and these three guys”—come together to discuss a wide range of topics that both warm the heart and nourish the soul. The Heavyweight Podcast brings together four unique individuals, each with their own perspective, to engage in open and honest conversations about real-life situations. Whether you're in need of a good laugh to release some tension or you're seeking real answers to life’s tough questions, tune in to *The Heavyweight Podcast*. Whatever you're looking for, you’ll find it here.
The Heavyweight Podcast
Kevin's Tears
Step into a space where deep conversations fuel personal growth. In this episode of The Heavyweight Podcast, we explore the emotional weight of relationships—those we cherish and those we outgrow. We discuss the pain of letting go, setting boundaries, and embracing change. Through personal stories and insights, we reflect on how past connections shape our present. Join us for laughs, self-reflection, and motivation to build a life that aligns with your values. Subscribe and be part of the conversation!
Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.
Speaker 3:The message behind saying the title of the Heavyweight Podcast is to be able to say that we can weigh in on some heavy shit. What we're talking about is important from every aspect of it. It's a heavy weight. It's not just about physical weight, but the weight of things that can weigh our minds. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation, yeah, anyway what's good.
Speaker 3:This is episode this is episode 189 of the Heavyweight Podcast I am your anti-social host and never your favorite, stunner McFly, back again with this lady and these two guys. Go ahead and state your name for the beautiful people out, chill.
Speaker 1:Um, let me go by the name of uh, carol Smunch, lady, and these two guys Go ahead and state your name. For the beautiful people out here, I'm going to go by the name of Carol's Munch. The fuck, carol Munch. Carol's like the restaurant Jesus.
Speaker 5:I think any name with Munch, it just goes a different way. It's your boy, molito.
Speaker 1:Like Pharoah, he got a cap too.
Speaker 2:And I'm Des the Diva.
Speaker 3:How are your weeks? I?
Speaker 2:had a good week.
Speaker 1:Not as great as the last.
Speaker 5:Why not?
Speaker 1:Too much munching. That's never too much. But oh man, this is nah it's just, it's a week, it's a week. Yeah, we'll put it that way.
Speaker 5:I felt like. I felt like I could be rapping this week you was rapping yeah, I was back to reality oh did you was it mom spaghetti? Oh man, no, I wanted to throw up.
Speaker 3:Were your knees weak? No thanks to mom, sweaty yeah they were sweaty.
Speaker 5:I'm not shit. I said damn. I couldn't see the little ass buttons on the screen. I was trying to fumble on this shit.
Speaker 3:It was crazy, scary, spooky, hilarious yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah, but you know back to work, it's famous. Back to work, back to the bullshit.
Speaker 1:You seem excited.
Speaker 3:You had to turn the TV off. Turn the TV off.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I woke up looking for the broccoli man. You know, that's it.
Speaker 3:Oh my goodness, we're not going to do this.
Speaker 5:Say drink Did you fly your week.
Speaker 3:My week was uh, oh wait, I'm sorry. Yeah, we skipped, sorry.
Speaker 5:No, no, that's Saturday. Also, my baby did have competition and she did really well. Yay Congrats. We told her we're going to add up her scores and if her average for the season hits a certain number, we're going to get her a puppy.
Speaker 2:Aw, I love that for her.
Speaker 5:What kind of puppy? A free one Respect. The most I'll do is go down to the shelter and get what?
Speaker 2:kind of puppy, a free one.
Speaker 5:Oh, respect, because I'm not paying, so the most I'll do is go down to the shelter and get an adopt one. That's what's up, I'll pay a little $100, but I'm not going to go potting on one. What did you say?
Speaker 1:I'll pay a little $100.
Speaker 5:Oh, okay, I heard $1,100 too, I thought you said I was like if you said $1,100 ain't paying.
Speaker 4:I was like hey.
Speaker 2:As far as fuck from free, bro. Far as fuck from free.
Speaker 5:I did see these German Shepherd puppies.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you know one of them, slave dogs. Yeah, I said this, nigga going to be quiet Every time.
Speaker 4:I see those Until he's not.
Speaker 2:You call that dog, a slave dog, police dogs, hell yeah, until he's not, you call that dog a slave dog.
Speaker 1:Police dogs.
Speaker 3:Hell yeah.
Speaker 5:That's the dog that you just yeah, you can outrun a hound dog You're not gonna outrun no German Shepherd no definitely not Definitely not, hey, I watched one of them, motherfuckers, stop mid-shit.
Speaker 1:Like that shit was crazy, Like the dog was going to take a shit and that cop was like I just stopped and I was like, oh shit, that's crazy, that's guilt.
Speaker 3:God damn.
Speaker 5:That shit just reminded me of Earthquake when he said he got him a retired drug and he'd be taking all his homies out.
Speaker 4:Go find him Good boy, good boy, and you know what that's smart. That's a good way to pack.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That made me think of that Kevin Hart joke, because I saw that shit in person the first time and he had us in fucking tears. Fucking drug dog.
Speaker 4:Dad where you get the dog from.
Speaker 5:Now you're talking about the damn dog off, martin.
Speaker 3:Oh no, it's tough rock, brother, oh man.
Speaker 5:Oh, good shit my bad. It was cool Paid.
Speaker 3:Good shit my bad, mcfly, you're weak. It was cool, paid bills, went to work, got the kid's shoes Good stuff, hell yeah, apparently, their feet grow a lot and they have my feet, so All of them. They all have my feet, even Ava, yeah.
Speaker 2:You got big feet Size 13.
Speaker 3:Damn you got big feet Size 13. Damn.
Speaker 2:You got some big feet.
Speaker 3:But they all have my feet and they're out flat.
Speaker 5:Hey, if you want some KDs, I saw some KDs at Nordstrom's how much 13. Size 13. They wanted a 95.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry what 95. Anyway, we're going to go ahead and get to the shenanigans. They were marked down from $185. I figured it was half off. I just got some KDs for $49.
Speaker 1:We got the hookup too, though.
Speaker 5:Oh, wait a minute, my finger, oh, oh, okay, oh that's right, okay, yeah, we'll talk about it.
Speaker 3:Anyway, I guess we'll get into the shenanigans.
Speaker 5:You let a nigga shenan one time, dad's gonna shenan again.
Speaker 2:And again and again and again nigga.
Speaker 3:Again, these questions and themes are curated by what goes on. The title of this in the notes is I'll be the bigger person.
Speaker 5:I'm out of this episode.
Speaker 3:Clearly what part.
Speaker 5:I will say I lost weight why?
Speaker 3:are you coming for me des what parts of your life no longer fit or serve you, and why?
Speaker 5:what? What parts of your life no longer serve you?
Speaker 3:yeah, fit or serve you doing lines of oreos. What, oh wow, you did lines, yeah, like did you eat them or did you actually break them down?
Speaker 2:and sniff them. No, I ate them.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm just making sure.
Speaker 2:You didn't see him on the other episode go.
Speaker 5:I'm just making sure, because some people you know, I buy Oreos and I'm eating six at a time.
Speaker 3:Grain them down and sniff them.
Speaker 4:Oh, y'all knows even the, even the double stuff.
Speaker 3:The stuff yes extra crossy rose in the gums um um part of your life that no longer served me.
Speaker 5:I've in this last six or seven months. So I've been eliminating everything unhealthy for me personally that's my thought process of some things just trying to heal myself mentally, physically and spiritually. So I've been removing anything that didn't serve me and then, on top of that, standing up for myself in places where I should have been doing it from the start, and then, on top of that, standing up for myself in places where I should have been doing it from the start and setting boundaries. The more you heal, the more you start setting boundaries, the more people say you're acting different. So I guess I'm acting different.
Speaker 3:I say I'm acting better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say, although you get on my nerves on the show, you are a lot easier to talk to and to talk things through here lately.
Speaker 5:I ain't cussing nobody out yet, even if you seem different to others.
Speaker 2:You seem better to us oh thank you, death don't say it don't you fucking say it.
Speaker 3:I know he's thinking it. It's on his face. He's saying it without saying it.
Speaker 2:And I know he is, but he don't have to say that shit out loud.
Speaker 3:He's looking. Now, he's saying it. You're forcing his hand.
Speaker 2:Kevin you ever answer that question? He know better.
Speaker 5:What's up? Huh, what happened?
Speaker 2:I was going to write something you know, I just yeah, put your little pen down.
Speaker 4:I thought you, like, I was like, was that like just a you biting your tongue?
Speaker 5:Yeah, you know, I'm not going to even write anything. I'm trying you know I, you know she big me up, Even though every time I have good news from a therapist, then fucking Patino calls and chastises me like he's my goddamn father. I'll still. I'll whoop your ass, joseph, hey, hey.
Speaker 3:You know that nigga does jujitsu right.
Speaker 5:I know.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:I'm just.
Speaker 2:That's a fight you're not going to win that nigga went to my head and did jujitsu.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's a fight you're not going to win this, ain't what you want.
Speaker 5:He ain't the only nigga that can grapple.
Speaker 3:I know that. I'm just saying I don't think it's going to be an easy win.
Speaker 5:I'll get that nigga in a double-legged T-Ground down. Sweep that motherfucker down to an arm bar.
Speaker 3:You know this nigga enjoys pain right.
Speaker 5:You doubt it. That's the crazy part, that's tough.
Speaker 3:This motherfucker used to go on lunch, go roll and grapple and come back to work smiling about nah, I don't want to fight with him. Someone get that excited about some shit. It's like, nah, I don't know.
Speaker 5:Then they come like you're doing good, but can we just stop at the beginning?
Speaker 1:That's funny, I think for for me, self-doubt, self-doubt doesn't serve me well working on cutting that out, just squabble up. I mean yeah, yeah, show up, show up, show up. As you said before, try Maybe get that book from the video how to Be More Like Kendrick.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:You know there's a culture divide. This is bigger than the music.
Speaker 5:You really about to do it.
Speaker 4:Oh, my goodness, gracious God oh my God.
Speaker 3:Oh shit, oh man. You can't fake influence though, des, leave me alone you're not sipping a slide Des leave me alone.
Speaker 2:Like for real, let me get me some of them pants you walk your ass up in here with bell bottoms and I'm gonna get me some of them pants you walk your ass up in here with bell bottoms, that I'm going home with my boots.
Speaker 5:So you talking shit, but them pants sold out, apparently they're $1200.
Speaker 2:They were cute. His whole ensemble was nice they were $1200.
Speaker 3:Were you dipping? Were you sliding?
Speaker 5:I won't be getting those pants or you can go to Old Navy and get them for.
Speaker 2:Fashion Nova probably has a pair. I don't feel like.
Speaker 1:I'm going Fashion Nova. I feel a little weird.
Speaker 5:Why they have Fashion Nova men. They have Fashion Nova men and children.
Speaker 1:That's not what I see on Instagram.
Speaker 2:That's not my Fashion. Nova feed and children.
Speaker 3:Sometimes you want to perform your favorite song, but you know they'll sue.
Speaker 2:Did he sue? He still sued. No, I knew he had already had the initial lawsuit, but did it go any further? Because he did?
Speaker 5:the song. Yeah, he never said it he made the crowd say it that's embarrassing.
Speaker 3:I think it's wonderful he never said.
Speaker 1:I thought it was the best thing in the world this, that's, that's a child screaming when you say certified and the verse that he chose to pick, where you're like damn, he just name a name. Tell me, chums, they go oh shit, okay, uh, forever, anywho sorry. Um, yeah, I definitely answer the Okay Forever.
Speaker 3:Anywho, sorry, yeah, I definitely didn't answer the question.
Speaker 2:What was it? What's no longer serving me?
Speaker 5:What parts of your life no longer fit or serve you.
Speaker 2:And why my marriage, the way in the state that it's in, isn't serving me? Because it is saint. And I don't think it's necessarily that things are not serving me. I just think the state that they're in right now are not serving me. I think that's it why man I just had a moment, Because hating steady doesn't fucking listen.
Speaker 5:I'm not talking about the marriage part. I'm talking about the second part.
Speaker 2:You had a long moment part because they're not in Texas because they're not aiding in my growth and I don't think I'm aiding in those relationships growth either okay, you're detached.
Speaker 5:Yes, okay.
Speaker 3:I said you said state.
Speaker 2:So I thought no, no, no, no, I get what?
Speaker 3:you meant. When I heard it, my initial blonde reaction was state and they were like we're in California, you was talking about Texas. Okay, anyway, let's keep going, philly you didn't answer the question. I didn't answer the question no, yeah, you tried it so, um, kevin said doubt.
Speaker 3:I don't think for me it's doubt, it's more allowing outside distractions to dictate my uh, energy and time spent trying to take that out, like, as far as not letting something like bills and whatever is a life to distract me from doing what I want to do or need to do, as far as either with music or whatever things that I'm trying to grow personally, those are the things I try to eliminate now, especially this year. I'm trying to make sure that that shit doesn't distract me anymore and not allowing it to, even though it can be very taxing at times. Yeah, life be lifin'. Life does keep lifin', amen. On another note, I did buy my daughter glasses and she looks so cute.
Speaker 3:I meant to tell you that she was excited she was turned up, I got out of work and I won't say I was speeding, because that's not good. I got to the place right before they closed. I thought they were promptly yeah and when I got home she was excited about the glasses.
Speaker 5:She picked them out.
Speaker 3:She picked them out and she picked the cheapest frame and I was like that's my kid.
Speaker 5:You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because. I'm going to tell you you can go on the website.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you see, all my glasses that I have are all different in their prescription and I pay so cheap for these damn things.
Speaker 3:She picked because there were some discontinued frames and they just happened to fit her, because our insurance covers up to like $60 or something to frame and she picked a $30 frame, so I didn't have to pay out of pocket for the frame.
Speaker 5:Oh, it should be $95.
Speaker 3:Whatever I just know be $95. Whatever I just know we didn't. Our insurance covered it in full.
Speaker 5:If they shorted it, let me know I'll pull up next to it.
Speaker 1:Okay, they didn't short it.
Speaker 2:You don't even want to pull up the clock here how the hell you going to pull up to check somebody about somebody's damn insurance? Yeah, I don't want another frame. I said she said this frame, don't push. Yeah, could you have gotten a second pair?
Speaker 3:I could have. Yeah, yeah, I just didn't. I was like oh shit, she wants these. She said she wants these. All right Is buddy but she's getting a second pair.
Speaker 2:They're gonna lose that first they lose them first pair or she can be playing and break them.
Speaker 3:Yep, hey, yeah, that's what insurance is for, yeah she has insurance um yeah, but anyway moving on, what emotions arise when you realize that you've outgrown something or someone, and how do you process them?
Speaker 2:With emotions, it depends on what it is. In a particular friendship that I had and I realized that relief came from that because I was holding on to what I thought we had in our friendship and then when I finally realized I'm not the same, what it is, I felt relieved. And with my particular in my marriage, I feel sorrow and sadness, because don't nobody get married to not be aligned. So in that particular instance I feel like sad. So it really just depends on what it is that I have to separate from the emotion that I feel Sometimes. I don't give a fuck. In every previous relationship I've had outside of this one sorry, cause I know some of y'all watch this but I didn't give a fuck if we broke up cause I was already like mentally, like whatever. But in this, because it's a marriage, this is different. This feels painful, even though I joke about it a lot. But y'all done figured out by now. I joke when shit bugs me, yeah yeah, I see through your shit um.
Speaker 2:I see through yours too, nigga so much transparent. I'm in the middle of this shit um, no, nigga, cause you be talking shit on the slick slide too. I don't know what you're talking about. No, you be on the slick slide talking shit too. You just don't talk as much shit you said.
Speaker 3:McFly no as much shit.
Speaker 2:You said McFly no, slick Slide talking shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, slick Slide is a dope rapper. I appreciate it, don't play with me.
Speaker 5:Oh, you need the question, kevin, yeah, yeah, yeah, what emotions arise when you realize you've outgrown something or someone, and how do you process them?
Speaker 1:A lot like that. Usually it's relief. Usually it's relief because sometimes I look back on shit. Sometimes it's Relief. Usually it's relief Because sometimes I look back on shit, sometimes it's nostalgia. You look back, oh, I'm so glad I don't do that shit. Yeah, for sure it was a good time. But Okay. Boy, was it dumb Okay?
Speaker 4:I used.
Speaker 1:On the booger sugar.
Speaker 3:Oh huh, that's what I call my energy drinks.
Speaker 2:I was finna, say you be doing these drinks.
Speaker 5:A little pre workout. Yeah, yeah, yeah, never heard nothing about it, it's only that one Strip flips.
Speaker 3:That NutriShop gave me Never again. Never again.
Speaker 5:It made you itchy.
Speaker 3:It had me turned up. I said dude, you said Nutri-Grain. No, it was at Nutri-Shop. They give samples of shit and they gave me a pre-workout. He's like this will get you right. I took that shit. I was amped.
Speaker 1:Oh, I needed a C4 in Texas. Nigga, I was spent and I was like I gotta drink this.
Speaker 3:I feel the tingle. I said I don't know what the fuck you gave me, but this shit here.
Speaker 2:Hey.
Speaker 4:You ever got a free bag of ice when you bought something?
Speaker 2:No, that's weird, right yeah.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 2:Just making sure it was a big bag.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was just like I bought a case of Ben's, he was like, oh yeah, just take a bag of ice, and I was like, all right.
Speaker 5:But the guy we were with. He just took a bag of ice too. He didn't tell him to take a bag of ice.
Speaker 2:That must be some texture shit. I want a free bag of ice. That's weird.
Speaker 1:Sorry, it was a tangent, but yeah, that was.
Speaker 3:What did you end up doing with the ice Did?
Speaker 1:you have a cooler to put it in? I just left it in the Airbnb.
Speaker 3:Did you leave a note? Here's some free ice.
Speaker 1:Thanks for the I think they'll figure it out yeah, but relief is mine, that's that's definitely most of the time, but I guess, like you said, it depends like it could make. It could be something that, yeah, damn that sucks, but I think generally even after that, relief comes eventually, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5:So, yeah, I think I think I'll say the same thing. I'd say relief, sometimes happiness, sometimes a little sadness, because sometimes you run attached or fond of someone and you realize like, yeah, this ain't conductive to me, no more, I gotta move on the relief part when I mean, I guess the relief is part like what Dez was saying, like you. Just you realize it wasn't for you. Now it's one less thing you got to worry about, type deal, yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 4:It's like a cord cut yeah.
Speaker 3:That's what they say I guess it goes through the emotions you go from from. Maybe in the beginning it's anger or frustration, eventually you get to, I guess, relief or closure why anger? Because sometimes you might be mad at yourself at the moment that you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of hell. Yeah, okay preach, preach.
Speaker 3:Dad me fly to one preaching absolutely so you hit that point and then you start, you know, going through the the array of emotions and then you, then you get to the closure and acceptance. So you hit that relief point.
Speaker 5:You're like, damn, I'll have to deal with that no more but, yeah, it didn't start with anger or frustration, and then a realization I definitely think it's one of those things where you start to Pull your circle tighter and tighter together and then the walls and the application to apply to be in the friend zone Becomes extensive.
Speaker 3:Glad you cleared that up about the desk. We'll see it. She set that moment so fast Anyway.
Speaker 5:And I don't even see him coming half the time?
Speaker 3:um, you can't say. You can't say coming yeah, how do you handle the guilt about growing friendships or relationships?
Speaker 5:I don't handle guilt, I don't handle it. I don't feel guilty because at some point I feel like at some point I've said things to you to say to try to help you better yourself, and I'm not as a friend, I'm not going to let you go until I see you. Just, you have no interest in leveling up.
Speaker 3:I think the only guilt I would feel is like realizing that they didn't have that realization for themselves.
Speaker 5:There's like, it's like like survivor's guilt, that's more like sorrow. Yeah, yes, I feel sorry for you. I don't feel guilty. I don't feel sorry for nobody though Nobody.
Speaker 3:No, I'm just saying like in that sense I don't feel like, oh, what the fuck Like you just feel like, oh, man, that sucks, that you didn't realize that there's better things in life than whatever you're, whatever road you're on, kind of thing, like not.
Speaker 5:But I'll feel sorry, like it's like it sucks, you just didn't I think you just run into people who are just content with how their life is yeah and it's because it's more comfortable to deal with what you're used to than to experience something different.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, hello. I do feel the guilt though I'm not even gonna lie In this marriage and in my friendship that I had for 28 years and we parted ways. I think it's because I know that they're good people. We just are not good in the same.
Speaker 5:Just not good for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But I know they're good people and I know that they they mean well in a lot of instances and sometimes I know that they just really they just do not fucking know that what you're doing is harmful. I really, truly believe that. So I do feel guilty because I, in my friendship, because I have been friends with her for so damn long, like I didn't want to leave her behind, because that's been my we grew up since elementary school and in my marriage, because in initially, when I got married, I literally just wanted to be go through it all with my husband and I'm me personally, I'm starting to feel like that, for better or for worse, there's a fucking line that across it then you got to make a fucking decision. So but I still feel guilty because I didn't enter this marriage before God to be leaving niggas behind.
Speaker 3:Fuck with that.
Speaker 1:I think for me it's. I don't feel guilt because I don't. I guess I don't necessarily got some serial killer shit.
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily feel like it's outgrowing, I just feel like it's growing apart. I don't know what anything outgrowing, I just feel like it's a growing apart. Yeah, Like I don't know what anything their life like has for them. You know, maybe it's not what mine is, Maybe we aren't supposed to grow in the same rate or the same place, same areas or whatever. I just look at it as a growing apart. It's not like a any ill will like most of the time. So almost all the time like fuck it, I let people do their thing and fuck it.
Speaker 5:It's not like a. You know what I mean. I get that. I get that.
Speaker 1:I see that Because I never try to leave it where it's. This should end on a bad note If it's on a bad note it's from you.
Speaker 5:I don't really necessarily see it as this is ending. I just see it as well. I mean, you want to stay on the 28th floor.
Speaker 1:Well, that's this 35th floor when you get to the 35th floor.
Speaker 5:We can pick it up.
Speaker 1:I just mean in that relationship, in that that sense, in that moment it is ending right there like so you could pick it back up, but it's a different relationship is it ending or are you saying goodbye?
Speaker 5:are you saying goodbye?
Speaker 1:or are you saying see you later, probably not saying much of anything? I'm just be living if. I see you out there cool, we come back. It'd be a different relationship. So you build a different relationship is probably with a different person at that point.
Speaker 5:Right, because one thing I've seen I'm pretty sure I can attest to that, like we all, like I reached the point where it was fun, when it was just me, I could be a little more lenient. But now I have a child, now I can't do everything I was doing before. Now I can't react to every little thing, I can't just go out and just wall out. So now my actions directly impact my child. So now I have to put myself in situations that doesn't harm my child. Yeah, absolutely, because protecting me and protecting my inner peace is ultimately protecting my child and her upbringing.
Speaker 4:Facts.
Speaker 5:You know what I'm saying, so it's like I'm not going to. I can't hang around someone who was threatening the life of my child by their actions or by what they want to be involved in. Oh God.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Sex. I agree with that.
Speaker 3:That's why I come out to the suburbs.
Speaker 5:We don't go crazy places.
Speaker 3:I told you about the longtime friend. I look at his family but his choices in life and he would be like, hey, I mean we should go hoop. And I'm thinking like nigga, we're in two separate spots. What you just said resonated because it was like in my mind I'm like it would be dope to hang out with you, but I got too much to lose. In my mind I'm like it would be dope to hang out with you, but I got too much to lose and you got a lot of bad shit attached to you that they would use me to get back to you it's like I always say like I got cousins, that's in the life.
Speaker 5:I can't hang out with you, bro, cause what if I'm with you?
Speaker 3:and that's the day y'all out on the slide, on you and I hope he understands that cause we go back a long way but he got so much shit attached to him but I just in my good conscience cannot associate that because then it leads back to my family and I can't Absolutely.
Speaker 2:That's a good decision I got to go home.
Speaker 1:I got to be with my family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good decision.
Speaker 5:I mean, ultimately it's always the damn innocent one that get hurt any damn way, like even it's always the damn innocent one to get hurt any damn way, like, even if it's a situation it could be us three and, let's say, a fight breakout. I mean, why are we fighting?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Because there's got to be a valid reason why we're fighting Now.
Speaker 3:if he just stepped on your shoe, I'm not going to a heated spades game, but do you still have this energy?
Speaker 5:I don't play spades with people.
Speaker 3:Did everybody stop asking? I don't play spades with me, you stop asking.
Speaker 5:I only play spades with family.
Speaker 3:Okay, I respect that you don't fight family.
Speaker 5:Yeah, but that's different Ain't no, cops ain't being called.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cops ain't being called, Shots ain't being fired.
Speaker 5:Cops ain't family.
Speaker 3:I don't play spades period, Because I see how people get over spades.
Speaker 5:Because niggas got different rules. Some people say you can carry three bags, some people can't have no bags, and then if your partner can't count, and then now you looking at him like nigga you, then you got money on the game.
Speaker 3:Yeah, talking about, I don't know how to play spades.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying I don't play bags, you guys got to bring bags.
Speaker 3:I just got to list the shit. Just another nigga moment. You got to bring grocery bags and shit A bag is when.
Speaker 5:Okay, so there's 13.
Speaker 1:It's a whole case.
Speaker 5:There's 13,.
Speaker 4:They call them books, right, there's 13 books, books, and my partner said he got five, but then we end up collecting 10 books. That 10th book is a bag, right, so?
Speaker 3:normally they'll be negative. Okay, I'm not gonna go ahead and let you know you just all right um the cards you have in your hand no it's okay. How do you set boundaries with people who no longer align with your values?
Speaker 2:with the friendship. I just fucking stop talking to her ass. I tried to have a conversation with her that we I don't know. I tried to have a conversation with her. The conversation didn't go the way it needed to go, so I just stopped talking to her. In my relationship, um, I don't know how to I I I'm still figuring that out. It's hard to set boundaries with a nigga. You fucking, so I'm still.
Speaker 5:I mean it is, I would say, um, I probably just walk away, like I just let them know I can't do this, and if you change your values, your values align with mine. Then maybe we can have some type of friendship.
Speaker 3:I keep a friendship but, like I usually keep it there at a distance, like they are not allowed to access a certain past a certain so it's like, like, even with that said person, like anytime you hit me up, it's all love, I'll sit there and shoot with you, but just know you're not getting access past. How's life? How are you doing? How's the fam? But you're not getting. Like, oh, we should go hang out and do this. Nah, that's not happening. But I always got love for you. You know, if there's a way I can help, I'll try. But past this you're not getting past this.
Speaker 5:People get mad at me because I tell them I ain't got time to hang out.
Speaker 3:It's a fact, though they be like you lying.
Speaker 5:And then I tell them my schedule. I'm like oh, you really ain't got.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a fact, though I don't have time to hang out, you have an athletic child, you busy, my time is her time, you busy, so yeah.
Speaker 5:That's why, when I do get free time, it's very, very valuable to me.
Speaker 3:I thought you were going to say it was balconies One month Give me a nice ocean view.
Speaker 2:Where are you going?
Speaker 5:I ain't decided yet Somewhere with the ocean Balcony. When I book my hotels, I want to be on floor 20 or higher, you leaving like the country you got no DR, no, no. Jim has to take all the money. We ain't got money. If I go to DR, I might have to go by myself yeah, right, nigga please cause I always say I always say I'm married in US okay, so you won't be going to DR.
Speaker 2:I was like, thank you, you won't be going.
Speaker 5:When she hear this, she going to be my ass.
Speaker 2:Clip this shit up, because this needs to be a clip. When she hear this, she going to be my ass.
Speaker 5:I might text her or tell her. Tell her oh, I like when she get my ass.
Speaker 1:I'm so into it. Everybody answer. Oh gosh, Put you at a distance.
Speaker 3:I want to see what does it mean to embrace growth even when it feels uncomfortable or lonely.
Speaker 5:It starts off being scary and then, when you go ahead, first until you realize that you ask yourself what you're scared of, because down you see another version of yourself.
Speaker 3:I need therapy. What are you thinking about? It's like that's what I thought about about pussy, but now it's like the first time it was like, oh my God, what am I getting into? And it's like then you slide in. You're like what was I afraid?
Speaker 5:of this is amazing.
Speaker 3:Anyway, I keep going.
Speaker 5:I'm sorry, I'm sorry nope, you're, you know, you've done it for the day, but I mean after, after, after you embrace it and you realize it was actually better for you, and then you realize that and you realize that you leveled up in the area of your life I'm sorry, I gotta stop let me be serious. I hear you, I hear you, I'm just my brain stuck in there.
Speaker 5:I need therapy, bro, yes, you do. And the second part, um, just, it's just fucking. Yeah, frank. Um, the second part anything new is gonna be uncomfortable to start with, yeah, and then when you start changing your views and your morals and your values, you're gonna to feel lonely. It's funny you said that, like I think I sent Des a clip of David, of David Banner, and when he was like I understood my mission, that no, people didn't align, like didn't align with me, they didn't think how I think. So he said I expected to be lonely. I embrace it.
Speaker 5:So you have to understand that anytime you choose to level up in life, you should expect to be lonely, because it's going to take time for you to find your new tribe. It's going to take time for you to find people who are on your same wavelength of thinking, because the people behind you they're used to the old version of you. A lot of them are not going to get accustomed to the new version because they are comfortable with the old version. Because they're comfortable with the old version because they could talk a certain way to the old version. They could do things that are over there. So now, when you start setting boundaries and you start letting people know I ain't the one or the two now, you different, but you better for yourself isn't that a trip though that people can, they'll put you in a box and feel like that because of how they've seen you.
Speaker 3:When you try to say I'm not that box, no more, they'll be like no, but I've always seen you as that box. I can't get you know. They can't get comfortable with the thought of you being outside of that box.
Speaker 2:That's a trip. That's because they're stuck in their box.
Speaker 5:Too many times, people put their insecurities onto you, and so when you're doing things that they don't think they can do themselves, it makes them uncomfortable, because you were previously at a level where they felt like they could do anything you were doing. But now that you leveled up and you show them that it's possible, now they start looking at themselves like, well, that means I'm not doing enough.
Speaker 3:And then that's when the hate started and the shady comments and the passive aggressive shit that you come across, especially like we've had this conversation about the podcast. But I'm sure it's happening for you at times where you have somebody make a slightly passive aggressive comment about you doing a podcast and you be like fuck is that supposed to mean? And you catch on to it and it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the reflection of what they're not doing with their lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 3:That's a trip. Good shit, good shit.
Speaker 1:You all right, kevin? Yeah, I was listening, I was listening, you got nothing to input.
Speaker 2:Uh, he answered, didn't he?
Speaker 5:no, no, I didn't, I haven't got my version of Kev and I like I like it when he get. Well, you know, give me the, give me the question again, cause I feel like I was on the opposite of you.
Speaker 2:He's been here before he be like no, he's been here before.
Speaker 3:What does it mean to embrace growth even when it feels uncomfortable or lonely?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5:He just picked up on what I was saying.
Speaker 1:You're right, because growth is supposed to be lonely, lonely. But I feel like it's a personal thing, yeah, like it's a personal growth, and I don't feel like I have to outgrow people, like I'm just outgrowing my old self and those people that are aligned with just me as who I am are still going to be in that, like I might be in a different spot, but it's like I guess I go further than just I don't know. It's just a feeling. I just a feeling you kind of know who you fuck with, you know what I mean. So I've had friends and I lost friends and it's like, yeah, I don't know it doesn't I don't know.
Speaker 1:it seems weird that it's like, yeah, sometimes it hurts and sometimes it's like, nah, this was supposed to happen, it's probably better for both of us. I hope so. You never wish anything bad on anybody.
Speaker 5:I now subscribe to the notion that friends are seasons and chapters, some of them. I'm not saying all of them, but you know yeah.
Speaker 1:Cause there was some shit I saw. That fucked me up. I was like damn, why'd you post that shit? And it was like about the homies, and it was like there's going to be one homie that, uh, everybody's there for their funeral, and then there's going to be one homie that sees everybody's funeral, and then there's one homie who no one's at their funeral and I was like damn that fucked me up and I don't know why, but yeah.
Speaker 5:Damn yeah, cause I always tell my wife I gotta die first. I said, I said I gotta die first, cause if you die first, yeah, I gotta die first.
Speaker 1:Because if you die first they might as well.
Speaker 5:Nah, this is gonna be a bad day and she's like. You gotta be strong for the kid man. Fuck them kids. I'm going to do more.
Speaker 1:So like I think me doing this shit with trying to go back to school and do this shit and like seriously take it.
Speaker 5:Sorry, my wife wants to let you know she's proud of you for that. Well, I'm trying. I didn't even know.
Speaker 1:But like learning shit, like that is not a little bit. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Y'all don't tell me nothing.
Speaker 5:He said it last week on the podcast. He said it on the podcast.
Speaker 2:I might have been high. I'm from a high for my height.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I'm gonna try to go back to school, uh, but something like that is like what do you do? Like, once you learn that shit, you can't go backwards. I can't go backwards now, I know all this shit, but what the fuck do I do with that? You know?
Speaker 1:what I'm talking about, the schooling, yeah okay, like you apply it yeah, that's I know, but I'm saying that's. That shouldn't change anything about a person like I think you're supposed to get that knowledge and learn these things and then figure out how to pass that to people like that's. I think that's how I feel. I don't know, so the growth doesn't scare me in that degree.
Speaker 3:I don't know if that answers any of that mcflaw, as it's funny because I'm hearing everyone's statement and it made me think um, when you think about, like, like, when they say, like the royce the five nine said on that, on the caterpillar was, just remember, when you're praising the butterfly, don't ever forget the caterpillar. And it makes sense because, like, you know that that personal growth and being by yourself is that, that lonely time where you're trying to, you know you're growing and you're becoming something different. Time where you're trying to, you know you're growing and you're you're, you're becoming something different. And then you know, people praise you on the other side, when you're, when you've you've reached success or you've reached that, that milestone that you were trying to reach.
Speaker 3:But, like, like what Mo was saying, when people try to put you in a box and they don't want to accept who you are, there's always that process but eventually, when they realize you're something different, I think that that's what the true, true, true, rare thing in life, where you have times, where you have beauty, is in that, that struggle of getting to that point. So, yeah, you might feel lonely at a time, but when you get to a point where you actually got to, where you're trying to go, and you feel good in that, in that accomplishment got to where you're trying to go and you feel good in that in that accomplishment, uh, no matter what kind of setback or struggle or journey you're going through, you feel like, hey, I got to where I was trying to get to Um. So it can be scary, but it usually not all. All cases is usually worth it to go through Um. But everybody's journey is different to go through.
Speaker 1:Um, but everybody's journey is different. Can I? Can I say, uh, I think at a certain point it's supposed to be lonely. Yeah, like, because, like how you like with the caterpillar, like at some point you're supposed to go.
Speaker 1:Hey, I gotta go inward and like go figure this out like it's got to be a me thing. I can't have any fucking influence on this and like, no matter who it is, like you can't, some things have to be just you. So it's lonely. But it's like, as you said, as you go through it at some point with the caterpillar, like you see what's going on and whatever is around recognizes that If it's a predator, it will try to attack. If it's a predator, it will try to attack. If it's friend, it roots for it. So it's like you find out a lot in that sense too, because when you're in a certain state, if you're being attacked in a certain way, then you're like oh, that needs to be cut out, when I get the fuck out of this. Because it's like how dare you come at me when I'm in where I'm at and you see what I'm doing, because it's not hidden, I'm just doing this without any influence.
Speaker 5:So yeah, I definitely agree with that, kevin, because I feel like what I've had to do and what I've learned is that I need to be alone, to be vulnerable with myself. Yeah Right, I need to be somewhere where I'm not. I don't have my husband face on my father face, whatever, whatever. I'm literally in a dark room and it's me and I'm evaluating. Why do you feel this way? Why are you responding this way? Why is this triggering you? Why is this making you angry? And that it's those spaces, that what I've done over the last six or seven months or so, that's really helped me to understand myself and to be able to now recognize things a lot more in the open when it's happening.
Speaker 5:Like I had a conversation with the wife last night about something and I said something and then she started talking to me and I immediately had to stop her and apologize, because now I caught it. Ok, now I see. I see why you're mad. I see what I did. I apologize, I'm sorry for this. I'm going. I always say I'm not perfect, I'm not, I'm not saying that I'm not going to do it again, but I'm going to make the steps to try not to do it again. So I agree with what you're saying. I had to look internally and I know for me personally that I can't do that when I'm around other people. I need to be by myself. Maybe some OJs in my ear.
Speaker 1:OJs. Oh, lord, nigga, you don't know that's one of them, ojs.
Speaker 2:I'm old nigga.
Speaker 5:OJs and spinners reflect on my internal feelings in order to express myself better to the people I care about.
Speaker 1:yep those are. Yeah, y'all niggas got me over here halfway crying anyway damn you dare today. I am. I was looking at the tissue. I was like damn damn she moved them.
Speaker 2:You want me to give them to you.
Speaker 1:Nah, I'm a man, I'll be cool.
Speaker 3:What steps can you take to rebuild after letting go of situations that no longer serve you?
Speaker 5:I don't think you have. There's nothing to rebuild, because I think you're letting go of the situation as you're building yourself. So there's nothing to be rebuilt because, regardless of what happened in the past, it's still part of your foundation. Yeah, where you were, you've just outgrown it. And now, and it's still something that you're going to remember because it's going to be a part of your, it's going to be a part of the new identity, in a way, to where it reinforces why you've made the change I guess that's why I don't like that outgrown shit.
Speaker 1:Like I don't like that. I don't like that phrase because it's like what you said with the foundation. I'm like then it's your concrete nigga. Like what are you talking about? Like it's not outgrown. It's like I'm building on this now and I'm not saying anything but I'm just saying like when we use that, it feels like it's a negative way.
Speaker 3:I mean I thought he was trying to communicate with you because you said you talk with your hands you definitely said that no, he meant but yeah, like it's your foundation.
Speaker 1:Like that's how I feel. Like everything is like part of it. It's like, nigga, no matter what it was, fuck it. Like the foundation is about to be solid as fuck. Like you can't break this, like you can't shake it. There's no earthquake big enough to fuck this up, so it's like you got to take all that shit and, like, put it in like it's, it's, it's I don't know.
Speaker 5:I see it's like what you sound like. I see it more so like, uh, life lessons. Yeah, if you learned, like it's still it's there, like the outcome of whatever you went through is still there and you're you're going to remember that in times when you need to remember it to either reinforce what you're doing or to remind you not to go back you.
Speaker 1:You know, the cool thing sometimes I think about this is like you can go through a whole lot of shit and like, say, like you lose somebody and you could go through a whole lot of shit with that person, like even bad shit. Like once they're gone, you think about the bad shit, but it's in a good light. It's weird how that shit works. Where you're like, hmm, I'm glad we went through that and still work through that, like I still have that, I have those things, I have this, I have that. So it's like fuck, that's just supposed to be how it is. And like we don't look at that with just life, like just when shit happens. Where you're like this shit is is bad, but it's like nigga, maybe it's supposed to be bad right now, but I can't quit. You know what I mean. So that's the concrete, that's the foundation. I don't know, sorry.
Speaker 4:It's okay, she'll be sorry.
Speaker 5:Okay, now see, the crying is okay.
Speaker 2:The knocking the mic over the crying is perfectly fine friend.
Speaker 5:The knocking the mic over is what we draw the line. I caught it Pause.
Speaker 2:Y'all just fine. A rave, boy A rave.
Speaker 1:Are you having an emotional moment? You're right.
Speaker 2:Pause.
Speaker 1:You ain't wrong. Pause, y'all about tired of y'all.
Speaker 4:Ugh McFlauch.
Speaker 2:Or Des. I think in some circumstances you do have to rebuild after, just because, for example in relationships, you can't really heal where you're hurting at yeah, but I just gonna go.
Speaker 1:It's Nick, but yeah, I mean, I guess it is. In a sense it is a rebuild, because you're tearing something that you did build and throwing it in the mix why you looking like that what happened cause I know you got some bullshit to say no, it was what you said like, let me do it, I took it.
Speaker 5:I took it somewhere, my brain took it somewhere else. My brain made it sexual. That's it.
Speaker 4:How you know this, nigga, because we're men, you know, it don't take much, oh God.
Speaker 1:We're talking about Mo Lethal.
Speaker 2:Oh God, I'm ready to clock out you know how many disclaimers Andy's done.
Speaker 3:Thoughts of Molito of Molito oh god, I see it now oh shit what I'll say is I agree with Des on that take cause, for example, in instances when you're. What I'll say is I agree with Des on that take Because, for example, in instances when you realize something no longer serves you, sometimes you have to be able to, to Mo's point, identify things that you may have been a problem in in past situations and relationships and friendships where you realize there might have been instances where you weren't being a good person, that you that, that you have to take accountability for and that's the real rebuilding part is saying you know what, let me take that out of and let me let me work to be better here, because I wasn't that when I was in that situation because, like I tell them all the time, a lot of times you have these conversations with people you realize that it wasn't a one-sided issue.
Speaker 3:It was like both people had issues in in the relationships and friendships or whatever, where it's like sometimes one side didn't take accountability for what was going on. So maybe when they separate they realize I got to take accountability more and be more of this and a better person in a way is a rebuilding step because, you're trying to better yourself.
Speaker 1:Is that a remodel? I feel like you don't tear it down, you can't take it all out. Sometimes you do. I mean, I guess you're just a shitty nigga.
Speaker 3:I'm saying there are shitty people that have rebuilt their entire life Like nigga. I remember when was just a shitty nigga. I'm saying there are shit.
Speaker 4:people that have rebuilt their entire life, Like nigga.
Speaker 3:I remember when you used to do this and this and this, nigga, and what happened.
Speaker 1:Yes, I have talked to people where they're like hey, man, I was a piece of shit back then and you're like, hey, I didn't want to say it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and they rebuild completely because they so sometimes it's a beautiful thing to see too. I work for people that do that, because that takes a lot to be able to go from being a piece of shit to saying I realized the error of my ways, man, and I just changed man, I rebuilt. It's cool to see.
Speaker 5:Yeah, it's beautiful to watch. I also think that sometimes in certain relationships, you may be triggering each other's trauma without recognizing it. Absolutely, true, absolutely, and so it's just a bunch of conversations of trauma responses yeah, yeah, nothing's getting done definitely, and it's just yeah, compiling on each
Speaker 2:other, and then you never get to a resolution yeah, I, I agree with that, but it's typically when you start the damn relationship, trauma bonding. Yeah, that's a problem?
Speaker 5:yeah, yeah, the trauma part, not the bond.
Speaker 1:Oh oh man, it's like you, I'm just. You could never be like a counselor no, like what'd you say like no fuck giving sound advice and be like hey look, I wrote this down and it's funny, like I got it.
Speaker 3:At one point, when you were expressing your feelings, you said something and I wrote it down and I wanted to come back to it because it was pretty fucking funny, like yeah, anyway, with that being said, go past this. Um, with that being said, I can't go past this. With that being said, this has been episode 189 of the Heavyweight.
Speaker 5:Podcast.
Speaker 3:Like, subscribe, share comment. All that, we love you. Till next time, peace, peace.
Speaker 1:I'm sweating. That's a wrap y'all. That's how she rip, so make sure you click like subscribe. Tune in. We're on the Austrian platform. So until next time we'll hide at you.
