The Heavyweight Podcast
Welcome to *The Heavyweight Podcast*, where every week, a dynamic group of four—“this lady and these three guys”—come together to discuss a wide range of topics that both warm the heart and nourish the soul. The Heavyweight Podcast brings together four unique individuals, each with their own perspective, to engage in open and honest conversations about real-life situations. Whether you're in need of a good laugh to release some tension or you're seeking real answers to life’s tough questions, tune in to *The Heavyweight Podcast*. Whatever you're looking for, you’ll find it here.
The Heavyweight Podcast
Ten 99
What do you do when your child first disrespects you, and how do you navigate the whirlwind of emotions and cultural expectations that follow? Join Stutta McFly, MoeLethal, and Kevin Wendell on The Heavyweight Podcast as they dive into the rollercoaster of parenting with humor, heart, and chaos. Packed with personal stories, they share trials, triumphs, and real-world strategies for raising respectful, responsible kids while reflecting on evolving parenting norms and cultural challenges.
Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.
Speaker 2:The message behind saying the title of the Heavyweight Podcast is to be able to say that we can weigh in on some heavy shit. What we're talking about is important from every aspect of it. It's a heavy weight. It's not just about physical weight, but the weight of things that can weigh our minds. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation. What's good? This is episode 185 of the heavyweight podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm your anti-social host and never your favorite, stoddard McFly, back again with these two guys. That's gonna be here. Go ahead and state your name for the beautiful people out here.
Speaker 3:Molito Mo' Button Pump, pump, pump, pump Pump. Her Up, her Up.
Speaker 1:Oh, I missed her Fister Chunkum. What's up, what's up.
Speaker 2:He ain't missed yet. Huh, he ain't missed today.
Speaker 3:He ain't missed.
Speaker 1:Fister what was that again? Fister, chunkum, everybody remember Chunkums.
Speaker 2:He got Chunkums that's like a dope rap name. Um, how were your weeks?
Speaker 1:mine was good, nice and chill, relaxed, got a little cold ass weather. That was fun, but I missed the cold cold, so that was good.
Speaker 3:Expensive man.
Speaker 2:Expensive. Yeah, you don't want to go into further detail.
Speaker 3:Yeah, my daughter had her meet in San Diego.
Speaker 2:How'd she do? Excellent Cause she's black, black excellence.
Speaker 3:I like that legacy, legacy, legacy, you know what I mean did she ask you what her will is?
Speaker 2:no, god damn. I watched. I listened to too much Jay Z, but that's what I was referencing. So how were your weeks? I did that already God damn it. I'm Stutter McFly. I repeat, my week was writing and trying to see if you guys like how my voice sounds raspy, Since Mo Button pointed it out.
Speaker 3:I mean, he is Mo Button so he might know I would say I have my ear to the street, but I don't listen to nobody.
Speaker 1:Is that what that meant? I thought that just meant. They was just like listening to what people are saying.
Speaker 2:My bad, anyway, we're going like listening to what people just saying my bad. Anyway, we're going to get to the shenanigans. Everything's curated by what's going on in our fucking lives. So this one's called. I'm going to knock the black out your ass.
Speaker 1:Oh shit.
Speaker 2:This is from personal experience. So can you share the first time your child disrespected or disappointed you? How personal experience. So can you share the first time your child disrespected or disappointed you? How did it make you feel and how did you respond, disrespecting me or someone around you? Share the you know.
Speaker 1:I don't know the first time.
Speaker 3:I can't remember the first time.
Speaker 1:I'm in the middle of the uh, the uh, oh my God, the testing phase.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, why? Oh my God, why? Or not that, not that no it's the uh, put that down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, it's, it's. It's rough. We're getting there. She's getting better, cause I remember I was remembering that with Kendall Like Graceland's, just different though, because Kendall was like and then it took, it wasn't as bad. But oh my God, she's like, she knows what she's doing and like she'll look at you and be like let me see if I can get away with this. I'm like I can't let you get away with it.
Speaker 3:That Can't let you get away with it. That's my friend, man, don't talk bad about my friend. That shit sucks. I can't recall. I'm pretty sure she probably would disrespect me a lot of times. Well, that's my little angel, so I let it go. Now, when she disrespects her mom, I'll be like look here, calm down, that's my wife, Sit your ass down. I do remember the first time she raised her voice to her mom and I was like, and I looked at her like who the fuck you talking to? And when I said it, I said it with bass in my voice and she looked at me like nobody. I said, yeah, I apologize to your mother yeah, she still be doing that yeah, she still do crazy.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh.
Speaker 2:I feel like I have to say that on a frequent basis.
Speaker 3:Who you talking to.
Speaker 2:Who the fuck you think you talking?
Speaker 3:to.
Speaker 2:Watch your fucking tone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they taught me an octave. I didn't know I had those octaves Like hey you like oh shit that shit, get a little bass in there.
Speaker 3:That came from below the diaphragm. Yeah, I think she was raising her voice to her mom and I kind of yelled at her real quick. The first time she disappointed me was when she blatantly lied yeah, that does. And we had a conversation about liars and how you're showing yourself to be untrustworthy and so if I can't trust you to do the right thing when I'm not here, I'm sorry. If I can't trust you to do the right thing when I'm here, I can't trust you to do the right thing when I'm not around, so that's going to limit your opportunities to do things. Because now I know I can't trust your situations. And after we had a couple of conversations she started to grasp it and so now she does the thing where, like she'll tell a half lie as you go oh, I'm just playing, no that's, that's yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like, like, like she, she would tell a half lie.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, she was like shit. They know the truth. No, I'm just playing, I actually know. So, like you know that, that kind of stuff, that, that that, because you know I'm teaching her man like your word, your word means everything. So if I can't trust you to do what you're supposed to do, or do what you say you're going to do, or actually completed a task that you said you did, then it's going to severely limit what you're going to be allowed to do around here and what you're going to be allowed to do outside this house.
Speaker 1:They usually follow what water works too.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, always, and I'd be like you know what I'm saying. Now I was like go cry in your room. I don't want to see this shit. I don't want to see this shit. Go cry in your room and if you start crying loud, I don't want to hear it. So the longer you, the longer I hear you, the more shit I'm gonna take away yeah, that's.
Speaker 1:That's a hard one to get through. That is a hard one to get through, yeah go ahead and say it.
Speaker 2:I've been in the last two weeks. I've been in scenarios of constant disrespect, but the thing is it's when it happened to me. It kind of gave me a future reference to what the fuck me and Andrea and Andreas are going to be into as we get older. So you squaring up in the front yard, he's trying and he knows he knows better now, but I feel like as he gets older and taller he's going to keep trying it and he's very stubborn. He reminds me a lot of his fucking grandfather, but that happened recently.
Speaker 2:That's why I said these questions are curated where he got disrespectful and um, because and it's over usually shit that I what pisses me off more is when it's and I I guess it's a double whammy, it's a disrespect and it disappoints me because it's not even over something that's worth being disrespectful over. It's just not understanding the um what's not worth it as far as, because for them it's like it matters in the moment that they realize it's passing. It's like, oh, I'm mad I didn't get this right now, and it's like, but that you felt that was a the perfect opportunity to be that disrespectful it's life and death in the moment to them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but as soon as it passes it's on to something else. But it was something where I had to check it because it was something that my dad used to instill in me when I was younger. He said at a certain point he hated me. My dad never tolerated that, so when it happened with me and him, I didn't tolerate it. I said, no, like you're like, there's some, there's some things like I can let you have an attitude here and there and we can get through it, but never, I told him never make that statement or say that statement to anyone, especially if it's someone you care about, because you might end up in an instance and verbatim the phrase my dad said to me in an instance and verbatim the phrase my dad said to me you can't say you don't want to ever tell the people that you care about, you hate them, because if, say, something happens and you're not able to take back what you said, you're always going to live with the regret of making the statement. So never just say the phrase I hate you to people unless you actually mean it.
Speaker 2:And um, he apologized and he said I'm sorry, sorry, dad, but like I just hit home because it was one of those things where it was like I get this. It's going to happen continuously, and I know they don't mean what they say all the time but at the same time you want to nip certain things in the butt and when it was said, it pissed me off because it wasn't something worth making that statement over. Not getting something that you really wanted a toy or whatever it was in the in that moment, is not warranted. To say that you hate somebody that literally give anything, to fucking give his own life to make sure that you're okay. Um, so yeah, that just disappointed me in that moment. Um, they didn't happen with Ava, but it wasn't me, so I'm gonna tell the story. Maurice already knows the story. Um, ava was picked up by her mother at school and proceeded to throw a fucking tantrum oh yeah and decided that she wanted to swing or hit her mother in public.
Speaker 2:Even in that instance it wasn't warranted, but it's still one of the things where it's like the level of disrespect in that moment towards your parent is like I can't be okay with it at all. But it's just letting things get to a certain point has to be nipped in the bud immediately. And, like me, constantly working all the time, I get that I'm not around enough to always be able to implement or enforce certain uh conditions or or uh shit that ain't happening. Like this is my, I stand on business shit, but if I'm not around to to implement it, it doesn't necessarily get enforced.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, but I will say before that time, she caught an attitude with me in the morning and I had to check that shit too, and she, she straightened up, but like it is, like it spilled over and that she wanted her mom. But we, we, we, we parent two different ways. So but yeah, that that's why a lot of these questions are being stemmed from, because that shit happened so many different and the baby, of course, slaps shit out of me all the time, but he's one years old, so we're going to just let that slide and he robs me for my food, my protein shit, which is expensive, and he takes it and acts like it's just like a fucking bologna sandwich or some shit. Just eats it Fucking or I think he eats it.
Speaker 3:Then a little fucking there, or I think he eats it.
Speaker 2:Then I go fucking check somewhere else and he left it half eaten, slobbered somewhere and you're like what the fuck, bro? Like he was done that shit's expensive. You know what I did with that shit? I rinsed it off and I ate it my goddamn self anyway. Um, next question is, uh, cultural context. How do you think cultural expectations and stereotypes about us being black fathers influence on how we handle disrespect from our kids?
Speaker 3:Go ahead, Kevin.
Speaker 1:You mean, how do we, being black I?
Speaker 2:mean, like when we came up, we know how our dads were with us or our parents were with us. Does that impact how you, I'm sure, approach? Like, because, like I know, when I talk to my friends of other races about their parents and they look at me like nigga, what, what?
Speaker 1:you do that I mean I'm sure, yeah, because even if it's things you're like I'm not going to do because it's, that's still an influence yeah from do it.
Speaker 2:So you're like um, I think yeah a lot of that shit though, but a lot of stuff I was raised with I feel like was good yeah, I feel that way too, like I feel like I understood where my dad was coming from, especially the more shit happens like oh shit, I went through the same shit.
Speaker 1:Like at the time I'm like no fuck that's crazy like yeah, you're mine, man. Now I'm like damn it.
Speaker 2:I heard my desk.
Speaker 1:I told your ass was gonna happen all right, okay every day but there's certain things I try to like do differently too, because, like now I'm learning like I gotta treat each kid differently too, like with graceland, like I'm learning, I gotta like let her talk, because she I'm like, damn, she has a temper.
Speaker 1:And then I gotta be like hey and like talk to her and then be like what's up, and she'll tell me like, and I'm like well, why didn't you just say that, instead of just like lashing out, just start here and then it's getting better. But it's like I don't think I would have had that, like that growing up. They're not like coming up to me, like, why are you acting like that? It's like you're about to sit your ass down Right. Give a fuck about your feelings, you being mad. You better shut your ass up and go sit down somewhere. But it's like it's cool, though. Like I feel like it's cool to see that because you can see like her as a person where you're like oh, that's okay. No, I get that like yeah that makes fucking sense.
Speaker 1:I feel like an asshole. But don't act like that, like don't do that, so like definitely. I think that comes from like not having that as a kid too, like wanting to. I don't know what that feels like, so I guess that's kind of cool.
Speaker 3:Hopefully it turns into something cool as they get older I think for me it's hard, um, because Because, again, my grandfather was a man of few words, so it's like it was more so, like he pretty much just affirmed whatever my grandmother said, right. So, but I think I take, I'm trying to take, the approach of recently now, of like I'm, I want her to express herself, of recently now, of like I want her to express herself right, because I can't expect her at her age to have the understanding and the wherewithal to regulate her emotions right. So I have to let her feel what she feel, even when I don't like what she feel, right. So, similar to what you said, kevin, I try to listen, I try to understand and I try to like you know what you know, like I was saying, like for them, you know, any problem, it's life or death, because everything is magnified to them, right Cause, in, in that moment, they're they're not, either they're not feeling validated or they're feeling like they're getting done wrong some kind of way. So you know, and I I kinda I got, I kinda some kind of way. So you know, and I kind of I got, I kind of got this through my wife.
Speaker 3:We kind of like, when she's doing her tantrum, she's doing her fit. We just we get silent, we don't entertain it. We let her think about it, we let her let her say what she's going to say, cause you know, you know, sometimes we get the, the, the, the self down, talk, um, but then again, a lot of times, especially like when something's been done, because she's being disciplined, she's trying to get a rise out of you, right? So that's, that's another part of like the not always engaging. And then the one thing I do that is completely different is, like, like Kevin said, like I, I try to have a conversation, I try to. Okay, we're going to talk about, we're going to talk about what happened and I'm going to explain to you why these are the consequences of what happened, right? And so my goal at that point is to get her to understand that, like I always tell her, I don't care whether it's good or bad, every action has a consequence. And so you know what is expected of you, you know what is required of you, and you understand that, even if you don't meet expectations, there may not be consequences, because they're just expectations, but when you don't meet the requirements, there are definitely going to be consequences, because the requirement is the standard. The expectation is the goal. So there's two different things here, right? So then, and there's no way you can get out of oh, I'm sorry, oh, I forget all that, right. Well, here's the thing as as um, as an adult, you're not going to be allowed to forget this. This is not going to be something you can just say when everything goes awry. Right, so like. Another thing we just implemented is now before school, we stopped telling her what to do, right, so we don't do the whole. We don't do checklists, no more, we don't do that.
Speaker 3:You got your backpack. You got your homework. You got your water. You got your lunch, nothing, right. So, whatever you leave the home with, it's what you got. You get hungry? Well, the school gonna feed you. You got water. That's at school. We'll see you. You got your homework. You turn your home again.
Speaker 3:Who's fault is that? You know what I'm saying. So, like the that's part of the whole like, and because I do feel like to her detriment, like she has been coddled and protected a little too much, and I feel like I always say like she doesn't. You know, it's a good thing and a bad thing that she hasn't had to experience a childhood similar to mine as far as like the discipline wise, but I feel like I can, like you guys were saying, I can also see how, like the discipline wise, but I feel like I can, like you guys were saying, I can also see how, like the way I was disciplined, I see how it benefited me in the long run, and I'm not really confident right now if what we're trying to teach her is actually getting through to her. So it's like, but like so I guess that's like my thing.
Speaker 1:It's tough to know right now, though, too.
Speaker 3:Huh, it's tough to know right now too yeah, I mean, but I mean every now and again.
Speaker 1:There's some time almost like you'd be like okay, this motherfucker is listening like I'm just laughing halfway when you was talking, because I'm like picturing some of the conversations and the way that I talk. I'm like, alright, kevin, dial it down, you can't say some of these words.
Speaker 3:She don't know what the fuck that means she don't know what the hell you mean say big words and I'm like okay shit, andrea, you don't know bigger words than I do my wife always says, kevin, she's not, she don't understand the concept of what you're trying to say. I was like like so, like that, that, that part I I get, but that's no one prepares you for how stressful being a goddamn parent's gonna be, you like. And because I thought, like the, the protection and the providing like shelter and food and shit would be the hard part. It's the preparing the mentality and and and shaping a person to be a good person. That's the hard fucking part.
Speaker 1:Well, here's what I'm going to say, and I'm going to say this there's probably nobody on the planet that can piss you off more than you. But you still look at them like wow, right, I love you to death, motherfucker. Yeah, like what did you just do?
Speaker 3:Why would you even do that Deep breath?
Speaker 2:Deep breath. That shit happened yesterday. Deep breath. I told Ava's ass to stay off the we were shopping at Walmart. I told her ass to stay off the shelves, oh, and she kept leaning on the shelves and then she eventually leaned on one shelf and snapped the damn thing and I said I told your ass to stay off the, the, the shelves, oh, and she kept leaning on the shelves and then she eventually leaned on one shelf and snapped the damn thing and I said I told your ass to stay off the.
Speaker 2:And she looked at me and she was like I'm sorry, I'm like go with your mom, go with your, because it just like I was it gets to the point now, like in that situation.
Speaker 3:It's like I'm gonna tell you twice after the third time hold the basket. Are you either you holding the basket or you about to get your big ass in the basket because you can't behave just outside the basket?
Speaker 1:I'll leave, just to come back. Come back, I'll just take one. We're just gonna go sit in the car. No, it's too late. It's too late, all I Just to come back. Come back, I'll just take one, we're just going to go sit in the car? No, it's too late.
Speaker 2:It's too late. What I'll say is it's interesting because growing up with my dad it was like and we've talked about this before the kind of like our societal norms was way different, because we were expected to grow way faster than me at six to be able to do certain shit, because it was just me and him. So he already had to have it instilled in me that six, seven, eight, nine he got to be able to do this, this, this shit, like walking home to if you need to get something from the liquor store, or something he has to be able to do it himself, uh, staying at home by myself, etc. Like it was all expected of me because you were growing up so much faster. So, like it like now I'm looking at it with them and I'm like I couldn't imagine I fucking couldn't imagine seeing them in a position to what it was like for us growing up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think, I think the flip side and what's beautiful about that is that our children are experiencing something that we never got to experience because they are being allowed to just be kids. And so, like, I realize all the time, like the mentality and the responsibility I had at her age, my daughter's age, she doesn't have any of that. She, happy, go lucky. I'm a play of my toys, whatever, right, the the responsibility of making sure you know every certain things are done, to everything from, like you know, making your own sandwich, to like doing George, like the things that I had to do, like she's not, she's not doing the things I had to do at her age, right. And so, like, when I look at her, I'm like it's, it's, it's kind of dope to me that like, cause I see how much of a free spirit she is and I feel like and I sometimes I think like man, like was, was, was my creativity and my like motivation hindered because I had to grow up.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean? Cause it's like, sometimes I look at it, I'm like, but this is like, like, just like, watching her play with her dolls and like the conversation and shit and the shit she be coming up with. I'll be like how the fuck? Like, how do you see this shit? Okay, like, and it so like. So in those moments I feel like I'm doing something right. But then when we turn around and we're doing a tinter tantrum because we ain't got no syrup, I'm like what the fuck is your problem? I was like we'll get some syrup tomorrow, like calm down, like. So it's like it's a flip side of it, because I was like I wish I would cry because there wasn't no damn syrup in house, but they got them red dry.
Speaker 2:It made me think about the lies that would happen. My dad would be like he didn't give me something. He'd be like, hey, they just didn't happen. Today I'd be like, oh okay, didn't question it twice, let's left it at that. And I got older I said that nigga was lying. Now I think about it now when my kids I say you know what? He didn't get that, oh my God. And I'm like I should just lie. Yeah, like I should just fucking lie.
Speaker 3:Look here, my wife is a genius, so she came up with this whole thing now. Now, like, technically, we never tell her no when she asks for something directly. Right, it's always okay. Yeah, we'll put it on the list. We'll put it on your birthday list. We'll put it on your Christmas list? Yeah, we'll put it on the list I think we have.
Speaker 3:There is no list. This is just something we say in the moment so that she don't throw a fit and we ain't got to deal with it. And if we remember, you know, because we will get her the things she repeatedly asked for when we have the money or we feel like she deserves it, but there is no list. You know what I mean? Oh, I know. And then the cold part about it is like the one thing that we used to take away that would be like detrimental, would be like screen time, like no iPad, no TV, and now she's come such accustomed to not having those things but I'm gonna take your iPad away, OK, like it don't mean shit. Like, like, yeah, like like she was on winter break for three weeks. She had the iPad one day.
Speaker 2:Like you know, think about Ava. Ava got my memory. Oh yeah, day. Like you, don't, think about ava. Ava got my memory. Oh, you got me rough because she said shit, that fucking six months ago she said one thing. I was oh yeah, yeah, she'll come back six months. Dad, remember that one day you said that she would do how the fuck did you remember that? Like, like it's come due, nigga, like wait. I thought you forgot all about that, nope she like the loan shark on a barbershop. Yeah, like you remember that?
Speaker 1:it is interesting with, uh, an older child too, cause now it's like a different preparation. It's like, yo, you about to go out in the like real world and like have to do stuff where you're like and I'm just like I want you to still be like a kid in high school.
Speaker 3:But shit's coming About to get real.
Speaker 1:I'm just like it's tough because there'll like we're doing the driving stuff. Now we went to the DMV and I was just like handing the papers in. And I'm like why am I handing the papers in? And the lady was like, are you driving? I was like no. She was like well, then, give her the papers. I was like you're right, she should be doing all of this. So it's like trying to just be like go Cause it's tough out there Shit.
Speaker 3:Let me ask you this, because this is my thing Like, how much more responsibility do we give them as they age? Cause I feel like I know for me at least I've I've tried to make her life as easy as possible, but now I'm seeing like, no, I need to give her more responsibility so like she understands the value of, of, of things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So like do you, do you have like a, a way to gauge how much responsibility to?
Speaker 2:kick me out the nest. That was, that was this thing. You kind of like zero to 60. So it was like I don't want that to get comfortable. And then all of of a sudden one day he's like hey, gotta go. You start the day, nigga. Like you're like, wait a minute, what do you mean? Like you didn't tell me your shit, you start the day, nigga. So you just kind of like that, like what's that bird that pushed they?
Speaker 3:maybe it's like fly or die. Uh, the wild robot.
Speaker 2:The green movie that that was kind of how you approach it. It wasn't one of those, uh, let me gradually tell him which kind of like today you're learning, you're starting today, and they go like boom, and you like you kind of get thrown off guard, but you're like, okay, like that's my best way that's, my that's that's my. Give them enough leeway, obviously so. When they actually have to have those skills, they're ready.
Speaker 3:But like yeah, I would. I feel like I feel like they tried to prepare me, but like I feel like I was coddled to the point to where, like when she got real, it was like overwhelming, like instantly, it was like fuck.
Speaker 1:And that's going to be hard too, when you're like I'm sitting there like I mean she's tripping, she's okay, she probably don't know she's okay, but like, however, you're like it's not. You're good like yeah because, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we had some harder lessons, yeah yeah, yeah, you talk about like the driving lesson. They get my first driving lesson.
Speaker 1:I failed right oh, we're on our third one right now. She fails this one. I was like you gotta pay for it, like if you fail this one, that's on your dime we did our part my dad made me feel low as shit that day yeah, it was my birthday 18th birthday damn
Speaker 2:damn, so we go. And it wasn't like some fluke mistake where the lady assumed I was gonna do something I was gonna do. But I remember feeling like shit. He kicked me when I was down. I remember feeling like shit that whole day and I remember my brother. I said me and my brother would get along like that. My brother had to do. What's the reason like dad? Like, think about it, it's his birthday. He already feel like shit. He didn't pass. You think he didn't want to pass. You don't think any 18 year old don't want to be driving. And you know we were making him feel like shit on his birthday. Yeah, and took my brother saying that to him for him to realize maybe I was too hard on him and like it.
Speaker 3:Oh, my god now do you think I think your dad was doing that to try to get you tough skin?
Speaker 2:yeah. But he realized, like, like Kevin said, like sometimes you kind of just gotta like ease up, yeah, like nigga, he just you think he don't want his license, like yeah.
Speaker 3:So my brother said that to him and he was like you know what, maybe you're right like you just remind me cause I I made fun of my wife for the longest time, cause she failed her first time.
Speaker 1:She passed the second time, but she failed the first time leaving the parking lot yeah she drove off the curve like the back tire went off the curve and they was like make a turn here.
Speaker 3:And she turned right back.
Speaker 1:That's so fucked up, because when lines happen.
Speaker 2:They have me do the straight line, the curve where you line up with the curve, and they're supposed to pull off. But I saw the car coming. So I was rolling forward waiting for the car to pass, because it was a whole thing where there was no one. So I was rolling forward letting them pass. And I was rolling forward waiting for the car to pass because it was a whole thing where there was no one. So I was rolling forward letting them pass and I was going to merge over. She thought I was going to hit the car. She grabbed the wheel. What were you doing? I was like waiting for the car to pass. So she was like keep driving. So she makes me think the whole driving test is still going. She had me go around the corner, do the whole whatever test, come back to the drive. Congratulations, you failed.
Speaker 3:I said what the God damn, not the congratulations you feel damn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's fucked up.
Speaker 2:That's fucked up, that's me I was like so you made me think the whole test was still happening, Even though it wasn't like.
Speaker 1:I was done at the. That's fucked up.
Speaker 3:So I always make fun of my wife because I tell her I say every driving test I've ever taken.
Speaker 2:I've passed the first time.
Speaker 3:That's a kick in the nether regions.
Speaker 2:That's fucked up. Why do you do that?
Speaker 3:Just to show her that I'm a better test taker than she is.
Speaker 2:That's fucked up.
Speaker 3:Both written. I've only both written and behind the wheel. I've only both written and behind the wheel.
Speaker 1:I've only taken one time. What's the next topic, man?
Speaker 3:That's why I say if a certain person can fly a plane, nigga I got to be able to what up Mark.
Speaker 2:So it's discipline versus understanding. How do you balance enforcing discipline while maintaining empathy and understanding? Like what we didn't? The example I gave was perfect. That was not no empathy in that shit.
Speaker 2:I try to be empathetic even when I don't understand what's going on, because I get that they're growing up in a different time, because I get that they're growing up in a different time. But sometimes you do kind of get thrown off guard because you know that instance in how you were raised comes in and you're like nigga, I would never like my dad would never let me trip off of this, or I would never think to be upset about some shit like this, like, for example, the day that Ava was acting a fool in the car I was driving and I'm looking around in my fucking surroundings. I'm like nigga, I got a touchscreen, my seats are heated and ventilated. They're driving in this controlled climate. Their seats are heated and ventilated.
Speaker 2:And I'm thinking about when I had to wake up 30 minutes and help my dad with a fucking scraper get the ice off the windshield and let the old ass pickup truck heat up, because it wouldn't roll if it wasn't heated All the while as you drive. There's a possibility that this stick shift truck could shut off and have to roll down the street and jumpstart again. Oh yeah, and you guys are in a controlled climate, controlled everything, and you're complaining about having to go to school Cause it's cold outside and I'm like the cold car was cold. We had to rely on that fucking engine, like, and I remember there were times where he's like I can't see, tell me what the fuck's going on. Yeah, and I remember there were times where he's like I can't see.
Speaker 3:Tell me what the fuck's going on. Yeah, because the defrosting work.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying. Like and I'm feeling like if y'all don't shut the like, but you have to catch yourself. Like if you don't shut the fuck up and don't realize that you're in a privilege, like and I'm like I can't do that. I can't do like. But I had to tell him like it was way different for me growing up. Please, like, try to appreciate this shit.
Speaker 3:Like I guess you don't get half to see that, but but see, the thing is it's, it's your, our, our, our privilege that we've allowed them to have is their normal.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So it's their baseline. They have nothing else to gauge it off of. So to them, you know, having heated and ventilated seats is normal. They feel like everybody's having a good night.
Speaker 2:So that one day you're riding in a Scion and you're like what the fuck, oh shit.
Speaker 1:I don't know what the fuck we were talking about, but I was trying to get Kendall to like realize something and she was like, do you mean like poor people? I was like, kendall, what the fuck did you? What'd you say? No, you know, you're like poor people. We're not poor. And I was like, well, we're not rich. Like what are you talking about? They?
Speaker 2:think we rich abel hit me with that shit too. They think we rich about her, about her neat, her cousin. She was like so my cousin's rich? I said no, they're not rich, they're better off because of the circumstance, but they're not rich. But no, they get to do this, this. And that I said that's not rich. Trust me, that's not rich, it's just having better circumstances. Oh my Lord.
Speaker 3:I think I try to understand that she's just a kid and she doesn't have the tools at this point in her life to regulate her emotions as well as an adult should be able to, right. So that's what I'm saying To some degree. The tantrums and the outbursts you got to kind of let them go through it and just kind of like avoid, like ignore it, you know. I mean because I don't never want her to feel like what she feeling isn't real or isn't validated, because if she's angry, if she's disappointed, if she's upset in that moment, that those are her feelings, right. So I don't ever want her to be able to to like misconstrue her feelings. But what I want her to understand is that like we can't talk about this until you calm down.
Speaker 3:Um, so to that part, and then again, sometimes it's hard because it's like it didn't matter how I felt, like what was said, what was said and that was the law. Like if it's a no, it's a no, it ain't. I'm not finna, ask why, because why leads to me having no teeth. Like I know this, you know what I'm saying. But now I'm a father and I'm answering why? Well, why not? Why can't we? It's just this. You know what I'm saying? Again, like I have another child that thinks that we are rich and I tell her daily, like we're here, we're not poor, we ain't rich.
Speaker 1:It's fun. This is fun. I've been enjoying, trying to enjoy the whole process, because it gets fucking frustrating. So, I'm trying to figure out what's the right discipline. Sometimes you're like is this right, is this working? Like, is this mean, is this too far? Is this that? And like trying to learn the freedom part because I'm like, okay, some of these things they gotta like hone down, like she's gonna probably start doing stuff where you say you can't just be walking around in your underwear all the time.
Speaker 3:That's not going to change. That's not going to change At this point. I'm happy when she has underwear on. I don't know why my child likes to be naked and I'm constantly saying Phoenix, put some clothes on.
Speaker 1:Oh, I just laugh. When my mom will come home and like they'll both just be down there in the panties, she's just like all right, guess you just hang.
Speaker 2:I will say this Thank God that my daughter is the one that has no issue with my sons.
Speaker 1:They out there huh, oh Lord.
Speaker 2:I had this happen in both occurrences with them at a certain age. I think it happened faster with Alaric, where I was just chilling with them and I'm hanging out and I'm like. I remember it happened with Andreas when he was like three. It hit a point where we were just chilling. I was sitting on the couch with him. I'm like your dick is out, like I just it just kind of threw me, like it just. I was sitting there the couch with him and I'm like your dick is out, like I, just it just kind of threw me, like it just. I was sitting there listening to the music and it was me, him and Ava. We're just chilling and I'm just like, and Ava's playing with her toys and I'm like it's been like an hour or so and I'm sitting there and I go your dick is out, like why, why is his dick out? Yo dick is out, why is this dick out? And the same shit happened recently with Lark and I'm just chilling and then I'm watching TV and I'm like I mean his dick is out.
Speaker 2:I said so this is the. This is apparently a Mel Robinson thing, like I was like why?
Speaker 1:it's freedom.
Speaker 2:I guess like shit hey. I always have to explain to their mom. She was like oh, they love just pulling on her dicks. I said it doesn't go away, that shit's going to go for the rest of us and I can tell you right now from personal experience we never stop. It never does. So she was like they always pulling, they're so rough with them.
Speaker 3:I'm like hey, it never stops. Don't learn that shit, start hurting so that shit. There is like I will say Kevin, to the discipline part. What I'm starting to see is that the discipline doesn't always work regardless, because I feel like she has this thing to where it's like it was worth it. It was worth it, it was worth it, right. But what I notice is that when we're disappointed in her, it crushes her, because now she feels like she's let us down. Sometimes with one of them, Not the gangster huh.
Speaker 1:Sometimes She'll be like I don't care.
Speaker 2:Are you disappointed? Oh okay, oh okay. So about my juice for me it's the for. Because of how I I am or I present myself, they know when I'm I'm not the one in reaction, like I just give them a look like and they're like, damn dad's, like he there.
Speaker 2:But I think, with because of the dealings of, of how our personalities are when I, when I'm pissed, and I let them know that I mean business, they know to be serious. But I said, I think it has to be reinforced as far as on both sides to understand that when we're trying to discipline, we have to, like, stand on business, we got to hold our ground. So like when we discipline and say this is restriction or whatever, I think it's hard to keep that instilled when, if it feels like on one side we can get away with it with the other side, so like, so it was like when dad's gone we might be able to finagle the shit with mom, like you know. So it's like when dad's gone we might be able to finagle the shit with mom. I feel like it's important to be able to say, oh no, if they say it. So that's why I always say did your mom say it was cool. And if she said no, then you already know what the deal is.
Speaker 2:That's usually my reaction. Or if I don't know what's going on, I go hey, they said this was cool, is that factual? And she goes, goes. Yeah, I said that I was like alright cool, so. But when I'm usually at work, I come home and I'm like what the fuck happened? Like did you, did they finagle you? Or like what the fuck? Like?
Speaker 1:so I got one that I think likes to be in trouble, though I will say yesterday that happened to do you? Just like this shit.
Speaker 2:He slapped the shit out of his sister in front of me Damn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she did the same.
Speaker 2:I said what the fuck he goes. She makes me feel like I'm stupid. She calls me stupid all the time. I'm like, but you know you're not Damn. He goes, but she calls me stupid and then she goes. No, I feel stupid. You know what my grades look like? I said I tried not to laugh because I was like what the fuck? Like, where is this coming from?
Speaker 3:like I said you know damn well you can apply yourself in school.
Speaker 2:You're not stupid. But at first I was like I'm getting. I'm confused as fuck. Well, why is everybody not keeping their hands to themselves? That was where I was at. So I was like how the fuck you get from, cause we were just sitting there watching Wild Robot. I said what the fuck was that? I don't like her, why she makes me feel stupid. But why would you hit her? Cause she made me feel stupid. So I don't like her. I'm like but she's your sister like, what the fuck like? And then she goes. Well, he makes me feel stupid. I was like what the just just?
Speaker 2:random acts of aggression yeah, and then the baby was all we hitting people and he tries to say both of them.
Speaker 3:I'm like, well, what the fuck like because he thinks it's a game at this yeah, like I'm like where the fuck did this come from?
Speaker 2:we're just supposed to be watching a movie. I was like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:that ain't cool though so I had to let him know like, look, in no fucking way, shape or form, you put your hands on anybody. Unless you're protecting yourself or defending your sibling, you do not fucking put your hands on anybody. And he was like, and he tried to like, do the whole I'm sorry dad and cry. I was like no, no, no, that crying shit we're talking about. This is what it is. I'm not like this ain't cool, like, but it just throws. I was like. I was like damn, a lark like just seizes every opportunity, cause they, I swear he was coming in running like he was about to fuck them up. Like oh, they threw a chair, I swear he was coming in running.
Speaker 1:He was about to fuck them up. A chair was thrown. Oh, they threw a chair.
Speaker 3:You got to run and start.
Speaker 1:None of this is written in a book.
Speaker 3:They got all these books here.
Speaker 1:This wouldn't have been written.
Speaker 3:How would they prepare me for this? How do I handle this? Where's the play-by-play for this? I swear.
Speaker 2:I tried not to laugh because it was something. I was like what the fuck? So you put hands on each other but I was like but you know, that's the hardest you literally are. It's not that she's doing bad in school, but she could be. She's like I don't get awards, like Andreas, but I'm like you don't apply yourself, like you know you can't apply yourself. So what? Like I'm confused. I was like you know, if you decided to buckle down tomorrow, you could be getting all these awards or whatever, if you chose to. But school for you is, eh, Like you do what you, like you're doing the bare minimum, as opposed to achieving that.
Speaker 2:Fortunately for Andreas, this shit comes easy to him. So, like for him, school is like he enjoys it. He don't enjoy it, it's just easy for him. So when he sees shit Let me put it this way I ask him a number equation. He can do it in his head. Like that, she got to count her hands. You know what I'm saying? It's not that they both get it, Just one's way quicker to the draw look here, man, I'm gonna say this, I'm gonna shoot a both bell.
Speaker 3:Look here, because the way they teach in math now is ridiculous. I can't do the math, though I'm, because I'm. I'm reading these math questions, I was like this is way more complicated than what it has to be. And so like I'm like babe, this is what they mean, you gotta do this and this. Well, dad, why don't they just say that? I said I don't know, it's dumb, but this is how they they were like you're gonna help them with the.
Speaker 2:I can't. They're gonna be helping me, cause I don't what the fuck I'm talking about. What is this like?
Speaker 1:all you gotta do is chat camera on chat G have that or val oh it was like just arguing with a fucking eight-year-old. You don't get this like well, as you said, it was this way and I'm like, oh, I did it wrong, we gotta start over.
Speaker 3:We gotta start over it's like you do the homework, she come back.
Speaker 2:I got a d damn that shit ain't changed for me. Fuck, like you thought I got better at this shit, uh oh, the only part that hindered.
Speaker 3:That pisses me off about homework. Oh we, since we here it's the reading comprehension part when I'm like baby, they're telling you the answers in the story, like I ask you a question, you answer the question and I go so, like what did so-and-so do at this time? Huh, what does it say? Oh, at this time, so-and-so did this. So what did so-and-so do at this time? Huh, huh, oh my God. So this line? Huh, huh, oh my God.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that's why that pisses me off too, because, like, let it be some shit they want to do. They can tell you every in and out of the question, the scenario or whatever. But you ask them a question about a math question or whatever and they be like huh, like, but you just told me the answer.
Speaker 3:I did. If I say who came to Gabby's Playhouse today, you tell me the whole goddamn episode, but you can't tell me from. I said okay, and the thing is is like my daughter suffers from what I suffered from. The shit is easy. So she don't try Right, she feel like she ain't gotta try because she feels like when she guesses she gets it right, like her, oh my, oh, I thought I thought it was, I was right. So I don't feel like she really tries. And so, like I told her I was talking, I was like we're gonna have to stop praising her a little bit because I think, I think like it's going to her head a little bit, because she feel like, oh, like I got this type deal and because by no means is she, is she, she doesn't understand it. I know she understands it, she, just when it comes to homework or anything like schoolwork, she just has no passion to do it.
Speaker 3:She just doesn't want to do it that makes sense Because when she got her testing back, she's testing it like above her grade level, but then when she do homework, she was like, uh, uh, I know you know this shit. I said why are you wasting my? I said you know what? Sit here, think about this, just come to me when you don't have the page, cause. Yeah, I said. That's another reason why I said I gotta go back to work doing homework. I'm trying to be. I'm trying I'm a. It's like that TikTok, this nigga's a good dad. I'm out here trying to be a good dad helping with homework and shit. Now, this shit. I'm like look here, I give your mom a lot of credit because I can't do this shit.
Speaker 2:If I try with math and shit, they're going to be like there for who you?
Speaker 3:we got to reevaluate you. Oh man, can I ask you a question? All the people that went to school in a short bus, what? What happened to?
Speaker 2:those people after high school? Uh, one works at ups. They told me that the short bus was because they didn't have enough buses. I don't know if that was true.
Speaker 1:They only did that once. They only did that once.
Speaker 2:And if you guys find my Bart Simpson figurine, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Where was it? I think where I lived on Ohio Street.
Speaker 2:It's funny, but I'm dead serious. No, I'm serious, I I'm serious. They bought.
Speaker 1:I was like they got seatbelts and shit that's how I knew they had seatbelts on the bus had to take it to school one day then I think about it.
Speaker 2:At that time I didn't know what was going on, but I know the kid that was down the street was way bigger than me. He went to the same school. Damn, I didn't go to regular school. So I moved to California, but in St Louis I was on the slow bus. Damn you, look at me different.
Speaker 3:No, you the same no.
Speaker 2:I got a little bit smarter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they took you off the slow bus.
Speaker 3:I mean sure they changed your surroundings.
Speaker 2:And then what's funny is, when I came to California, I was first grade and younger than everybody else.
Speaker 3:That's where a was facing now, but um I've been the youngest one in the class, being the youngest one in the class but, like I, was fine as far as when I got here.
Speaker 2:It was just like what we talked about a few episodes ago. There were times where at the school I went to, alkyl elementary, which happened to be the last school that desegregated, and I'm just gonna throw that out there, um, but that school did a lot of, for I saw, I saw it amongst all my peers. I didn't. It didn't really click, as, until you get older, what was happening like the kid, like this, the stereotypes that the teachers would place on the, on the kids of color, was fucking wild. So you'd have instances where you felt stupid. But it wasn't that you were stupid, it's that they just tried to apply whatever generic teaching practice to you and then, if you didn't get it, you were just yeah.
Speaker 2:So, luckily, third grade. Shout out to Mr Pierce he's my first black teacher Tucked an interest in me and made me excel. And shout out to miss, uh, miss shoe too, who passed away a couple years ago. She was a white lady, love garfield, she never. She took a chance on me like it was certain teachers that refused to allow, but it was. You know, it's in a, it's in the fucking sea of a bunch of teachers that just kind of write you off to be so and that to your point.
Speaker 3:that's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm trying to figure out what's her, what's her method of learning Is she? Is she a visual?
Speaker 2:learner.
Speaker 3:Audio. You know what I'm saying? How does she?
Speaker 2:I don't tangible audio learner because she don't listen to shit. Uh, not like us. Well, she know all that. She know what's up. You could like you could try to do it in s1 and see if it works.
Speaker 3:But it's like I think that was one of the key things that once I learned how I learned because I was I was more of, I was a visual learner like show me, don't tell me. Like show me, and then I can. I can, I can apply that. It made things easier for me, right? So like I could watch something a couple times, and then I can apply that. It made things easier for me, right? So like I could watch something a couple of times and then from that point I got a good basis, I can figure it out and so.
Speaker 3:But I think, like I'm trying to figure out how she learns to make her life easier down the line, because, like, if you can implement I'm sorry, if you can put that in motion now, it's just going to make every other grade easier for her, because now you know how to adjust things so that she picks it up off the bat yeah, I know, ava's definitely a visual, but she likes to create and she likes things like if you, you watch, if she'll watch like a youtube video, she can create right.
Speaker 2:like, if you say this is how you do that, she goes oh, and then, before you know it, she's created her own structure or whatever and then she makes her own version of what you said. But it took forever to get her to learn math because she wasn't interested in learning. But once she got it, she knows how to do it.
Speaker 3:now it's just I'm going to start telling her math is important because it's how you count your money. I probably get her. I know they count your money I'm just terrified.
Speaker 2:You guys keep talking about math I just know when they she's a lot more years ago they threw that shit in front of me.
Speaker 3:I said what the fuck is this the the first time I seen block. I said what is this block shit? This is what this shit is. I was like what? Why are we making this complicated?
Speaker 1:I'm going to go try to learn calculus and shit at 40. I ain't that bad I'm going to be out here, like what'd you say? I?
Speaker 3:ain't that bad.
Speaker 2:You just rubbed my chest tight now.
Speaker 1:Huh.
Speaker 3:It ain't that bad.
Speaker 1:I think I tighten up. Huh, it ain't that bad.
Speaker 2:I think I got to algebra two and was like that's what I did too, and now I'm trying to. And what was so cold is I didn't pass algebra two. Nobody in that class passed algebra two, so they canceled the whole class, damn I've never heard of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you remember mr cooper canceled the class. Remember the white white dude come over with the glasses. Old white dude, was he just not a good come?
Speaker 2:over with the glasses, old white dude.
Speaker 3:Was he just not a good teacher?
Speaker 2:He was apparently very difficult but like the entire class was in after school tutoring.
Speaker 3:And we all failed.
Speaker 2:So after that semester it was so bad they just they put other people in other classes and they told me you want to take another elective.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I had Mr Cooper I elective. I don't know if I had a master's in computer science. I had somebody for geometry, some old white dude.
Speaker 2:But he was not a good teacher. He was bad yeah, that one was bad.
Speaker 3:I think I took algebra two sophomore year.
Speaker 2:I didn't know that shit, I was like never. I ended up taking Spanish.
Speaker 3:Geometry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's as far as I went. Maybe algebra two Well, I think that's as far as I went, maybe algebra too.
Speaker 3:Well, I think I took. Yeah. Well, I think I took Statistics and Geometry wasn't that bad for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was easy.
Speaker 2:But fucking algebra too. I was like nigga, I'm just not getting. I don't remember shit from geometry.
Speaker 3:And I should Cause I do it in my head, but I can't Perform those I can't remember.
Speaker 2:And it was funny Is when I would go with the tutor. It made sense I go back to his class. I'm like nigga, this ain't at all what I had after school. What the fuck is this?
Speaker 3:In college I experienced that right. I could have like the professor would say some shit and I'd be like this shit don't make sense at all. But then like someone would say, oh okay, that's not what this nigga said.
Speaker 2:So yeah, Well, I said they ended up fucking canceling that whole class because they're like I think two people passed, but they were already like yeah, everybody else failed, so they just.
Speaker 1:I never heard of that.
Speaker 2:Ask about it.
Speaker 1:Nigga, that shit was wild, I believe you For sure, but I'm just like I feel like they shouldn't. This is hey look, we failed you, so we're going to pass you.
Speaker 2:That shit was wild, bro, because I thought I was the only one. I mean, I knew classmates were struggling. I didn't know everybody was failing Damn.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, you can't be the teacher after that.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:They should bring you in the office and be like, hey, so leave.
Speaker 2:And the thing is, I don't know badge thing. Me and Zuli joke about that shit. But she passed that class with that teacher but he was always flirtatious with the girls.
Speaker 1:Oh, like Mr Crandall yeah.
Speaker 2:Didn't Mr Crandall have been marrying students?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think he.
Speaker 3:I don't know he always had attractive.
Speaker 1:His history went deep, like my cousin came over here and they graduated I forgot what year, but they were like Mr Crandall and I was like he was a creep way back. Rest in peace, mr Crandall.
Speaker 2:but he was like creeping way back. Then his TAs were always bad as fuck oh, he did that on my freshman year I was like I would see senior females, I was like who the fuck is that? And they were like oh, that's Mr Crandall's TA and I'm like fuck, and I'm like, and you see them up there all playful and shit, like uh.
Speaker 1:but that's wild to me, where you're like hey guys, this is okay oh boy, any last advice you would like to give people dealing with keep your cool count to ten. It gets. It gets better. They're great. They're great. It's part of it. What was?
Speaker 2:that that's not like the Pillsbury Dough what was that?
Speaker 1:they will test you it gets better.
Speaker 2:That's not like the Pillsbury Doughnut I was like what was that?
Speaker 3:They will test you Without a head gasket or what? Yeah, Because he's like it gets better. They're great and I was like, are they?
Speaker 1:They are.
Speaker 2:It's interesting to watch where you're like, wow, that's cool. I was like there's a lot of obstacles that will stress you to fuck out. That's cool, there's a lot of obstacles that will stress you to fuck out. But when you get to see the dope instances, where you get to see them be dope individuals, it almost makes up for it.
Speaker 3:I do feel like when they get a W, when they get a win in their face, that shit do make it worth it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it makes you be like you know what. All right, but yeah, with that being said, this has been episode 185 of the heavyweight podcast. Uh, again, des couldn't be here, but she will be back at soon or at some point yeah, I don't know which.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I think it's that soon.
Speaker 3:She's not gonna, she's not getting 10.99, I know that much oh yeah, she's docked yeah, you can't claim this on your taxes.
Speaker 2:Like subscribe, share comment. We're going to get a whole post on us, so next time, we love you, peace, peace.
Speaker 1:I'm sweating. That's a wrap y'all. That's how she wrote, so make sure to click like subscribe. T tune in we on the Austrian platform. So until next time we'll hide it at you.
